The beloved entry.

Yep, just returned from M'sia from brother andrew and sis yu ping's wedding. Nice wedding lah, like held in a quiet estate. Alot of ppl! And like the wedding was not over-done and i dun tink it was under-done too. Just nice for the both of them. Wasn't really elaborate. We had erm..worship, haha.. and then the normal stuff with special items. One of which was the 'testimony' of the other J21 team. Seemed more like a sermon instead. Kai Loon the preacher!

Another was this performance by some of the church children. (Our sister church i suppose.) Yah, they came in with like basket balls and this particular boy also carried 2 balls, but large as in LARGE balls. He was like leading them la! So i was pretty impressed and like going ,"Awww.. cute..."

Then i hear someone, till now i know not who, who says, "They're autistic you know..?"

W..H...A....T?!?! These kids? Autistic?

---Sience in desmond's mind.---

Not that i look down on them. But just, so taken back. They looked so normal. Anyways.. after tt, seeing them made me smile even more.

There was a teacher there who brought the mic up to them as they were like doing stunts with their basket balls, and they each said a short phrase. In particular, the last boy's phrase just almost brought me to tears.

In Christ, I am smart.. I am brilliant.. and I can do ALL things.

Pause.

Desmond thinks to himself, " My word. He truely believes what He says. If He has such faith in God despite his undeniable condition, why do we have to fear that we don't match up to other's expectations? Cos in Christ, all unworthiness and class and ranks have been dispelled."

Yep. This is for you, the one thinking you aren't as worthy as your good fren, that you aren't as worthy as a close fren, aren't as worthy as anyone else at all, INCLUDING the guy walking down the street this moment outside your window. You may not be worthy in the world's measurements, but we aren't from this world. We are all equal, are beloved of Christ, and all made worthy by the scars on Christ.

You may look down on yourself. But know this. God doesn't look down on you. He's so proud of you, so proud so proud of you. Just remain tender before Him.

This trip reminded of so many things tt happened in my childhood. Words that ppl said of me. Good and bad. Just like 2 days. I love my God.

The peached-flavoured entry.

You know how is it that when you meet with an interesting incident during the day, you just say to yourself," That's gonna be in my blog today?" Yep. I have something from tuesday.

It's a peached-flavoured sweet! Okay, i admit. I dun really have it. Unless you mean in my tummy.. -rubs tummy, satisfied.-

So what's the deal bout a sweet kiddo? Simple. I rushed from sch to prayer meetin, and was on GP, yah. So i was late like 25 min. hahah.. So the person on GP with me gives me a sweet. Then she gave me another sweet, but this one is a peached-flavoured one. She was teling me her lecturer gave it to them cos it was their last lecture.. and i asked her," You know where to get it meh?"

"No.. ask my lecturer lah.."

Which touched me alot. Cos.. its like.. something that she has so little of. I mean.. she had to dig her bag for the sweets and it was from her lecturer, meaning she didn't know where it came from. And she liked it alot!! But she was so happy to give it to me. I was so touched.

Ok fine. I'm easily touched and moved to tears.

I wasn't moved to tears this time if you're asking tho. But was touched lah! Thinking back, it was like the woman with the Jar of alabaster.I mean, WOW.

I wanna be able to love God with an attitude as such. To give without fear of losing.
I wanna give the lost an Answer. That I know where to get from.

Yep. Peached flavoured sweet. Hmm.. It was nice!! Btw, anyone know where to get it?? hahaha... Yea. With the same measure that God gave us. I mean, He gave just like that.

WOW! I has so many paragraphs!! Haha, ok. Yah. I'm done. You're done with reading. Nite you little sleepyhead!! =)

The bone entry.

With the recent passion, Christ's death, Ressurection kinda thing around now, I gotta blog bout it too. Okay, I HAVEN"T watched passion. Now now.. stop the jeering. Tsk tsk, the power of the spoken word. hahahaha... yes. But i did watch Fosaken, A VFC production.©.2004.

Lights out.

Lights In after 2 sec interval.Scene takes place at a plain.

Desmond : Oh? Jesus.. You serious? That happened? Wow.. i never knew the Father's love was like that. Oh.. bread? THANK YOU Rabbi, i was hungry.. You sure take care of me.. I love You..

Lights out. 2 sec interval.

Lights in.Scene takes place at Golgotha.

Desmond : Crucify Him! Crucify Him!!

Lights out. 2 sec interval.

Desmond :(aloud to himself) I can't bear to watch.. Its.. its.. too....

Camera zoomz in on Desmond. Streams of tears roll down.

Yah. i cried. SILLY!!! But i tink i did lights bout 5 times.. rehearsals and actual. And I cried 3 times. I just cldn't bear to watch them 'drive' a nail thru Jesus's hands. I mean. It was me. I was the one who drove the nails thru His hands. I was the one who whipped him till the flesh hung just by the thin layer of delicate skin, painted red with fresh and dried blood. I spat at him. I was the one who did all that and more DESPITE the fact tt He spent so much time. preaching to me, talking to me, feeding me bread, just treating me like a good fren.

I betrayed my good fren. I did not help Him or stand beside Him. In fact i turned around and threw stones at Him (and the Roman guard while i was at it.. just for the kick i get out of being sadistic.hahaha... joke la!)

You see. Its confusing yah, but my point is. I was the one who He loved,the one who said I loved Him. The one who brought Him before Pilate. I was the one who beat and flogged Him, 39 times, cos i didn't want His blood to be on my hands if i flogged Him one last time and took his last breath away from Him. I was the one who kicked Him on the way to the cross. The one who cried out "Crucify Him!". I was the one drove the nail into his bones. And he knew it was me. But He went ahead with the nailing thing.

I wonder if He struggled before the nail was knocked in. I wonder if He winced in agony when His flesh-baring back was placed on the cross. I wonder if He made noises of pain in attempts to relieve a puny bit of pain.

But i tink. No. He didn't struggle. Cos He saw me. And He knew He had to die to snatch my soul from where it was, and into the gates of heaven.

I cried. Did He? I tink He did.
I died. He did too. But He gave me life anew, when He died and rose again.

Lalalalla....... okok.. thank You Lord..
Nice work ppl!! Forsaken was a success. I actually worried one part tt no one wld go for altar call. but God seemed to say, "Hey.. even if no one came out, you wouldn't be the one put to shame. It wld be Me. But then again child, I will never be shamed. Becos somehow, a work will always be done."

Yep. God IS good.

The no more! entry.

Okay man. I've decided not to whine any longer about my horrid timetable. I have been trying since monday not to grumble about the late evenings and early mornings and 1 hour breaks a day.( God is good, i have a empty period on mon cos i dun take chinese b.) Yep. I dun wanna keep whining, cos ultimately I was the one who chose my own subj. Not that i blame anyone for my plight, but i see no reason why they shld suffer my insistent complaints that i have a timetable i'm terribly cheesed off with. It's better now lah, not that i'm used to it but, just taking it in my stride. AND thank God for weds where i end at 1, if nexus meets on another day.

Yep, class hasn't been good, but definately not the worst. I'm still surviving and will survive. They are abit exclusive, but i still can mix abit. Not that bad lah, its a crazy class. Some ppl are lame and sociable, some others are offensive in their attempts to be lame. Others just come off as irritating, but yea no ill intentions. Teachers are fine. Some are not very nice, as in strict and cannot teach, but they are humane. We are all imperfect anyway.

One thing that really scares me is PE. Another is Lit. Dun get me wrong. It's nice and fun. But I have alot of readings. ALOT. And cos its gothic lit, its sorta scary. Haunting. Esp when you have a funny imagination like me, you'll get caught in the book. And some of it its not nice stuff, like.. man. Supernatural. Its just not nice. Almost feel like you need spiritual covering.

Anyways, enough of my sch.

Today i came back early. And i watched my first cartoon in days. Duck tales. Uncle scrooge was a mean guy, didn't lend his cash to poor 'frens', donating 1o bucks to charity with a 1ooo dollar note and asking for change and the like. Suddenly this guy came to demand payment from him - debt from 2 generations ago. So Uncle scrooge lost all his money, then his poor 'fren' helped him when the others didn't. This poor fren owed a ship which was destroyed becos he helped uncle scrooge. Anyways, cut things short, he paid the 'debt' to the bad guy. And he decided to help the poor needy, and bought a new ship for his poor fren whose boat was destroyed.

Your typical disney cartoon. All ends well.

Of cos i didn't do a nice job of relating it to you. But i realised i missed such cartoons. I miss the old times. I sorta miss the times where we just didn't have so much nonsense and work and quarrels. Sort of wished that we could be like the old times. Where quarrels and I-won't-talk-to-you-any-more-s lasted like 5 mins. Where somehow, everything works out well in the end. Like a cartoon. That everything will work out well at the end of 3o min in front of the tv.

I love You God. I love my family. I love my frens.
I miss you guys. Sometimes I am just haughty.
But it doesn't mean i dun love you guys.
I do. But i forget so often that i shld respect you guys.

I love the old time singing shouting
I love the old time way
I love the old time singing shouting
Praying praising
I love the old time way

The relaxed entry

I'm so relaxed now. Not enough energy to be hyper or to do anything else, but just enough to sit, type, watch tv, sing oldies!! Enough to think about stuff. I'm like actualy dying to talk to someone now. Okay, maybe not talk because i can't really do that. Maybe just hang out.. No one online. Strange.

Okay, i'm just gonna say whatever i want at random. Today did sound for prayer. Haha, ok fine, i was just listening to the walkie and relaying msg/ rebutts/ defensive remarks. Haha.. and I can't relay stories for nuts, so the effect was all lost when i relayed the msges.

-lays head back down, on chair. Lift hands and pray. haha, ok no. Just laying my head back down.-

Just realised after i typed tt sentence, has been like almost 45 min or so before i start typing again. I'm tired man. I dun want to continue. Okay, well, i actually typed one whole paragraph, but i backspaced it. My mind's a total blank man. I'm really too sleepy i think. I'm going.

Nite ppl. Our God is good.

HAHAHA, my dad just said going out to get some supper. I'm awake again. Okay, I'm sorry.. week of prayer and fasting. But I didn't eat breakfast and lunch. And almost forgot dinner. =( "hahaa.. don't justify yourself desmonde." I wonder what I'll get. I'll go nap for about 15 min first.

I love you guys.

Pray, get on thy knees for thy fellow brethren whose earthen vessels are inflicted. Hahaha.. What nonsense!! No wonder!! Look at the time ppl, 11.05! My 11pm syndrom is up again! Haha, I mean to say, Pray for ppl ard who are sick. Among these are, alphabetical order, " Elvin, Eric (He's really poofed out la..), Esthers, Joash, Jonathan and somemore others.. Flu's in the air.. drink lots of water. Who do you guys think you are? Me?? hahaahha..

Yup.. end here, real relaxed right? Just telling you about everything and nothing.. :)

Be Blessed! Thank You God.

-----
11.35pm -- Its mee goreng!! with lots of potato!! hahah.. yup. okay.. gonna go sleep after tt.. pray i dun grow fat. haha.. nite again ppl!

The childcare centre entry.

I trod along the path; I had just gotten off the bus (service number 334). I was returning from morning prayer and breakfast, and was carrying a big bulky box, when i suddenly wondered. A thought just popped out of no where. Who loves?

I had nearly thought there was none who loved. Just then I passed by the childcare centre at the end of the short pathway.

--- enough of essay style writing. i can't do it well. ---

Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible Tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
The bible tells me so

Yes. That's what i heard. Sung by children. Sung at such a timely moment, when i happened to be questioning. God is so good. And He uses the funniest things to get His point across. How true that the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. AND that, that is so reassuring. He's not going to make a mistake.

Yup. His grace is sufficient for us. His cup overflows!! woohoo!!

Can't wait for edge. Can't wait to see how God does His thing again..

The messed entry.

Wah dey. I really feel like i messed up man. Sighs, my God is a God of second chances is He not?

I just finished showering. Smell nice, feel nice, am nice! Haha, and i was just thinking of some of the comments i heard bout me. Just heard one today. Haha, a normal one for me, as in, its been said of and to me before. And yep, you're right. I don't understand when its said, even tho I understand why its said of me. Its almost as if, i know why I'm 'described' that way, but i don't expect to be called that.

Hmmm..

Then i thought of some nicer comments. And I smiled to myself;" Yea right.Like why did they say what they did?" I have no idea why that was said. But i rmbed there and then, something someone once told me. "You don't have to understand why God loves you, you just have to know.". Guess its the same thing huh? Cos they see what you CAN be, rather than what you are now. That's how God sees us. This was also mentioned in one of the evening srvcs. I thought. And smiled to myself. How true. He has loved you with an everlasting Love.

God is good. Thank God for God. Haven't said that in a long while man.

Have we forgotten the simple things, like just thanking Him for simple stuff? The air that we breathe, the grace He gives us that we can live for the next moment? Nice to think of His goodness for simple things like these. Cos it makes you realise that He is really God. And He has all right to zap you up right now. But He chooses to let you live another moment, and another moment, and another moment. and another second, and another mili second and it goes on. He makes the decision every moment to let us live for the next; all becos He has a good plan for us. An unmatchable plan.

Boy, He is good.

More than the air I breathe
More than song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything
And Lord as time goes by
I will be by Your side
Cos I never want to go back
To my old life

Cos I never want to go back to... my old life.

Thank You Lord.

The Synergized Entry.

Yep, I'm back from conference. Nice, conference was nice. Think the main focus i gathered from the Planet Shakers band was to be free in worship.

This is getting boring huh? Yup, I'll say whatever happened these few days that had deep impacts on me.

My fun-nest moment?? Guess it'll have to be helping to sell the t-shirts. Haha, i was there buying shirts for some of the guys, and i stood beside the table, happened to be, i knew the lady at the counter (for less than 15 min from that time). And i have no idea up till now why ppl started asking me what size was this, any other cuts. I told them,"Huh, erm.. this is.. erm..*compares with another shirt*.. the .. erm.. bigger one!! And erm, i'm not from the stall..*sheepish smile*." Haha, and they're like so taken back, "Ohh.. erm.. sorry.."

Guess maybe God wanted me to help her. The stall really had alot of ppl everywhere. As in asking questions from everywhere of the table, which wasn't very big anyway, like 4 CCK sanctuary chairs. I took one half of the table and she took the other half. And i got her to tell me what size is what size. Then after that, i morphed into Salesman Desmond! "Yes yes, this is the largest we have, haha, im sorry.. but it fits you fine lar!! Dun need so big.." or "Yep, this is the smallest, but if you want, we have a ladies cut (the baby cut) but that has only one size, M. That's pretty small.. so can fit you one lar! What's the difference you say? Oh, the sleeves are cut yea.. " and after all that," Okay, thank you thank you, that'll be 20 bucks. *wide smile* "

And after the exicitement and all, I was just like looking at the lady (Whose name i also dunno!!!!!!!!) and like smiling tiredly, and she's like," Thank You desmond, ohh you wanted shirts right?" And then i went yah.. She starts laughing and says," Yea, haha.. after you asked for the 8 thousand time." Haha.. yea. It was then i realised my intention there was to get elvin, jerome's and sam's shirts. Haha, i knew sam and jerome wanted M, cos at least joel didn't reply me to tell me they had complains when i asked him. But elvin.. yea.. the one i had no idea what to get. Cos S and M didn't seem to have much diff. And angel ruixiong and weiling were like.. M. But i was wondering becos i always wear same size as him, and i got S. So we were wondering, and then the lady, she found this weird shirt that was slightly smaller than M, but bigger than S and i got it for him! God really blessed, hope it fits well elvin!!

The lady was like, "See? becos you wanted to bless others, God blessed you!" I laughed.. haha, when we were buying our own shirts, an hour before i helped sell, the guy selling asked what region of VFC we were from. I said, "Erm.. the best?" and the lady was there, and she asked angel if i was the cutest (as in silly) guy in the region. Haha, i was very happy naturally. Becos, when you try to be crappy and no one laughs its quite demoralising. hahaha.. esp since its from some nice lady, its better! To think i knew her from helping her usher in ppl on mon night as i was waiting for someone.. hahah.

Yep, said so much. Only one part of the conference. But it really picked me up.. the going crazy selling the shirts, perspiring, (not to mention being beside some good looking lady whose name and church i not know of!!!) and running ard getting this and that for him and her and them. I was pretty much feeling weird thruout the conference and selling the shirts was sort of God's way of saying," Hey, I'm still your Daddy you know, I can still make things happen for you!" He made me glad, without me having to ask. And i was so supremely happy selling the stuff. (becos the lady was nice and warm and pretty? )haha.. More than that, nice to see the smile on ppl's faces when they get the shirts. And being crappy and crazy, knowing that all you did was unto God.

Planet shakers was good, the jumps were good, the claps were good, the dances were fun, NOPE, NOT those by the pink hair and his fren. Thise were silly. The Jesus Cheer was so fun! Yep, and God speaks and shows, like stuff that is what the Evans guy sees and hears. Fun..

Bottom line is God rocks, His children have liberty in Him, have everything.. and more than that, the victory in Him!!
Amen. Thank You God. ( help me find the lady again please God..) *smile*

The Weepy Entry

I just heard a song. And Its a weepy song. Haha, Remember Missin' You? Yup. I found it's cousin song. Hahah.. a song that has the capacity of making me cry that badly.And i mean badly. Thank God no one was home then. Haha.. what is it you ask? I'm not saying. Get those brain juices going!! I'll drop hints. So fun so fun. Haha..

Yesterday was cold weather day. So supremely cold! So i woke up this morning, my fingers numb and cold. Haha, i slept with the fan on last night!! Haha.. What has it got to do with the song you ask? Well, Nothing much, just had to say something about the day being cold, since everyone else is doing it.

Yesterday, they were askin for help encounter this sat. I rmb the last time i helped in encounter, Gp. I rmb when i did it,it was only the 5th or 6th time i did Gp, and it was the best i ever did. Honestly, none of my other Gp-ings could be compared to that time i did it. It was for the single men, Elvin was leading, Bro Mohan shared. Ok.. that was morning. After that at the combined men session (married and single ya??), i wasn't on duty. So i just sat quietly outside. And when i went in to take a peek, immediately i rushed out. Hey, you would too if you saw a whole room of men crying. And mind you, I cry more easily than all of them. So to save myself from crying, natural thing to do is come out lah.

That's the first clue.
I'll give you 2 clues at a time.

Crying men at the encounter. Why? Becos bro andrew was telling of Jesus's walk to the cross. That passage to death. Man, gives me goosebumps.

That measure of love. Nothing would stop Him from dying. Even if it was that scary. Bet you His fingers were numb and cold. Bet you he was trembling. Bet you He never once stopped praying and talking to God. Bet you He felt lonely and cold, yet His face was burning from all the stares and the laughter and the mocking.

Why did He do it then? For the lost? The dying?

For you.

Even if its was only you whom He could save, He would have continued on. No. I'm not speaking to some unsaved person here. Sure He died for them. But I'm speaking to the saved, the ones called Children of the Almighty. The ones who constantly forget His great love becos we are so accustomed to it.

No more game. I'll give you the song.

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my Dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
You said He was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow He knew things would get stormy
Boy was He right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something He had to hide

So after He left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

-Why?
Nichole Nordeman.

Hah, cried again. I keep forgetting that great Love. I keep looking towards myself and see the failures and the nonsense and unworthiness in me. Do we forget that great Love has conquered all? Why then are we living in our own worlds as if the whole world owes us? That God owes us? Don't you think it hurts Him? I'm guilty of all that. We owe Him. Not the other way around.

Nice song.. very weepy.. =)

The new-template entry

Hmmm.. Got a new template. Hahaha.. i did like major changes to it loh. Hah.. i'm mean. Just can't get rid of the silly {fellowship} stuff. It doesn't flow with my blog. AT ALL. Hahah.. arh.. leave it first. Hahah. Man.. really tough looking at the html codes and stuff. Had to employ my specs lor, to save me from the blurness. Hahaha.. everything is about me. Hahah.. well... read on if you want. If not.. just read on. hahah

Today i watched this korean drama. Now now, I am not a big fan of such stuff, especially soapy cry-yee korean dramas, but this part totally tickled me. Heh, the elder brother was talking to his younger brother [ da zhong] about how he wanted to keep his illness a secret from the rest of the family. So the older brother is saying, " I don't want to tell them becos i dun want a whole family crying. I can't do anything with a family that's crying ridiculously. So you mustn't tell them, you get me?" And the camera zooms back to Da zhong.. who is crying uncontrollably by that time. So much for, don't tell them becos i fear they would cry.

Why was I tickled you ask? Of cos its not only becos of that. I was laughing my head off becos it just reminded me of me. Hah.. its like elvin's talking to me and before he can finish his sentence, I'm crying buckets and swimming pools of water.. WITH extra chemicals.. known in lay-man terms as mucus. I tell you, i was like," Yea Da Zhong.. cry it all out. Hahah.. i know how it feels to keep sniffing though the mucus jsut rebelliously comes down in the end.". Then i turn to the elder brother and say, " Do da ges' fear crying siao dis'?"

Anyways, that was pretty much the funny part of my life today. Hahha.. nah lah.. just that when i saw this scene, i just knew within the depths of my soul and spirit that i need to blog it down. Hahhaha.. yup, nothing spiritual about it. But once again.. tho its utterly cliche in my blog, THANK GOD for da ges who can stand weepy sobby cry-yee siao dis... hahah.. like yours truly.

God stinking rules. The way He meets you in your most desperate moments just blows my mind. How? I don't know. He rules. He does. Man.. He's totally in love with you. NUTS about you. ARGH! hahaha.. so wonderful... yep.. He's there when you cry, when you laugh, when you fall, when you rise, when you push Him away, when you call out to Him... He's always there. Don't ask me how.. I never know. But I'm always awed. My God is an awesome God..

The nut entry

Lah Lah Lah!!! What's this blogger world without THE blogger?? Hahaha.. going to watch big fish later!! Hope we catch a BIG fish. Was hoping my net members come and the other nets too.. so we can catch the movie together. Get it? NETS? CATCH the movie together? BIG FISH? Haha, man, I'm good.

Okay. if you didn't get it, either I'm too good OR.. I'm too good. If you did, well done!! Give yourself a pat on your back!!

[Haha, been stuck at this line for like so long now.]

Okay, back. Hmm.. mushroom swiss!! Turkey Bacon!!! Awww... man. Can't wait to eat. BK. Love it like anything man. Just give it to me. Give me some BK VIP card. ARGH!!!! BK!!

I was reminded of the past events that happened. God's words, His visions. Have we forgotten?? Were we too consumed in ourselves that we 'conviniently' leave Him out of the picture? I don't know. I was reminded of one thing also. The 10000000000000000 BK meals that some guy owes me. No exclamtion mark. Hahah.. yea right.. !!!!!!!!!!!

Man.. fun looking back sometimes to just see what God has done. Over the months and years. Its so exciting. Whoever said christians are a boring bunch of ppl. Man.. have they no sense of the CRAZY-NESS of our God? Hahaha.. wacko.. crazy.. OUT OF THIS WORLD!! Yet.. terribly sane. Hmmm..

[ARGH!! I can't see properly!! Going to get my geeky nerdy specs]

It's worst!!! Now its too clear.. man.. giving me headache.

Okay. Took it off.. hahaha.. BK BK BK!!!! hahah.. craving's here again!!! Hahahah.. argh argh argh!! Hahah.. when we give stuff up, there's this certain strength that comes. Think about when we give it up.. but to God, what kind of strength comes. His JOY. His strength. HIS. HIS. PPL? HIS!! Get it? HIS? It's the Almighty's. It's the God of all creation's. It's the Lord's strength, joy, peace, love, warmth, fun that we get in exchange for the things that suposedly stain our life.

Like where do you a better extra value meal? MAN!!! Like.. i'm just disgusted by BK now lor. Why don't they give such good deals like the Master Chef ( God.. like duh?) does? takes your nonsense.. and gives you good stuff for it. The Menu (the bible like duh?) even says He gives us free BK's (Beautfiful King's) very own clothes and oil!! Like garments of praise and oil of joy!! MAN!!! where to get lor!! now i tink burger king stinks. [REF: Isaiah 61:3]

Haha.. okay.. going for Burger King now. Hahah. Nah.. i still love burger king.. In fact. I'm going to link it. Hahaha..
Here goes: Burger King .

God rules. He does!! YEAH!!!!!

The I'm back entry.

I'm back. As in real entries after 2 weeks. That's short. Missed blogging? Abit, why else am i here? How can one ever shut his mouth and deny it from speaking the greatness of that One without feeling bad? That beautiful, majestic, personal One. I don't know how.

Ever felt as though you've failed God? Failed ppl? Failed everyone and yourself? Ever felt like a big fat failure? Ever felt so insignificant? Ever felt so forgotten? Ever felt like there's so many ppl there but still no one's there?

Ever felt like you have so much to say but can never say it? Ever felt if God forgot you? Ever felt if you disappointed person after person whom you love so much? Ever felt as though you let God down?

Ever felt so lost and frustrated with why things happen and why they don't? Ever felt like you want to draw close but ppl pull away? Ever felt so rejected that you give up? Ever felt like you stink? Ever felt so fake; as though you're not who you seem? Ever felt like you've lost the battle--defeated?

Ever felt so shameful that you screwed up? Ever felt as though you want to just let the tears come freely down without holding it back... if only you weren't so tired or had to be 'strong'?

Ever felt that you stumbled and fell?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all
Will the love continue?
When my walk becomes a crawl
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

This time I cannot disguise
All the doubt I'm feeling...

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all
Will the love continue?
When my walk becomes a crawl
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

I hear you whispering my name you say
My love for you will never change never change..

-DC talk
What if I stumbled

That's it. He never said you couldn't cry. He said "Come to Me." The Love still continues. The grace still continues. the walk still continues.
Amen.

13.

All glory and praise be to Him.

The 'hot tears' entry

The Israel team came back today. Heh, the whole thing was elaborate, with banners (which fabian and i held) and flowers. And Joy has long hair now!!

Anyways, I'm glad they're all back, especially uncle david. I still rmb the day he left, i cried, at the expense of my image ( image? haha.. i guess not at the expense, considering my image is that of crying anyways). But at that point i was so sad that someone who played a vital role in my growing up in the cw was going.

Yah, and today when he came back, He was like the first person i wanted to hug. Okay, i know im not close to him, and he's not close to me. But i really just wanted to hug him when he came back. And i was thinking to myself, " Man, if i hold the banner how to hug him?!" So when he came over to me, i reached out my hand to shake his. And he hugged me.. and i was like," Woah.. look at the tears in his eyes man.." The words 'Hot tears' just popped in my head. I was like so happy loh, felt so proud of him.

And after tt, as we were going home, i was thinking about the whole thing again. And i was so challenged by him. The joy on his face.. its like the joy of missions. (not the Joy of the chengs.. haha) And i told myself, i was determined to have these hot tears on my cheeks. To have that gratitude to God, that joy that comes from serving Him, that joy that comes when you've tasted of God's protection, mercy, grace, and faithfulness. So much so that it will just flow out of your life, and that you will not be able to contain that gratitude, and that it will come out as tears, and laughter, and worship and love for Him.

I want to be a person that will always be more grateful for God's mercy and love each day. The friends He gives, the time He gives, the support He gives (realised this list is in-exhaustable?).

AMEN!!

I need You more, More than yesterday
I need You more, More than words can say
I need You more, Than ever before
I need You more, I need You Lord.

More than the air I breathe More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat More than anything
And Lord as time goes by I will be by Your side
Cos I never want to go back To my old life......

The water Entry

Today at the edge, God just blew me away. And I'm so wow-ed by His goodness and glory. Ever seen a God who never fails to amaze you, and your friends, and practically everyone who's there at the service? Well, I sure have. This God is just stinking awesome!

Well, as we begin the service, we had no seats, so Region F youths were rather scattered. And it wasn't nice for our guest Lily Jie. But nevertheless, we got our seats and sitting partners. (ok, fine. Sitting buddies if you must..) I sat with the young girls from CW and esther tan, colleen in some unknown territory. So i felt abit out of place.

Anyways, whilst we were searching far and wide for our seats, the praise had already started.Anyways, I was just praising and singing (Okay fine!! Trying to sing yah!?! Better for you?), i begin to see stuff that God was saying to me.

I saw a scene of the low-lying hills, like taken on a helicoptor, at night. It was a awesome sight. Simply stunning.But there was one problem. The scene was like movie style? Had 2 black lines above and below the scene, so what i saw was just part of a bigger picture (I didn't know what laid beyond the hills and the black lines). So i continued singing, worshipping. And God seemed to say, " That's your vision, your scope of vision."

Then a few minutes later, i see the same scene, the beautiful, but 'cut' vision of hills tainted blue by the night and moonlight. And as i continued to watch, the black lines moved away from the vision, and as the top black line was moved out, i saw what laid byond the hills -- water. An ocean of sparkling white water. White becos of moonlight. And God said, "This is MY scope of vision. Start seeing through MY eyes. start seeing through Godly vision and see beyond." And as i went on, I slowly understood the water thing. Where there is water, there is life. And God showed me an ocean of water. Not a river, not a pond, but a stinking ocean so big i couldn't see the ends.

Where there is water, there is life.

And I'm like, man.. "You sure its You, God?". Cos will God reveal so much in one worship session? So i asked for confirmation, and totally forgot bout pressing in for my confirmation later during service. I was just listening to Sis Anna, who gave an awesome sermon!! And what stuns me was that after prayer for ppl after sermon, Jeremy Seaward decided to tell everyone what he intended to tell only the net leaders. And guess what it was about?

So clever. =)

About God asking Abraham to lift up His eyes and to see through God's eyes. To see beyond. To see life in a land of barreness.

I was like, "oh.my.word.woah."

Where there is the Living Water, there is life.
Are we seeing through His eyes in our situations? No matter how barren and dry and desolate and beyond-hope the circumstances are, can we choose to see through His eyes? Becos when we do, we see water, Living Water, Life and God Himself in our situation.

I want to see through Your eyes dear God, Help me. Give me grace and vision.
Amen.

The re-written entry

Haha.. I wrote like a few paragraphs and totally did away with it all. Hah..This my frens, is NOT wisdom. Hahahaha.... yah yah.. Okay, so i am re-writing my entry. What oh what shall i blog today? Man.. The awesomeness of my God. I'm blown away by His majesty and cool-ness.

Today i had dinner with *salute*... Chief! She set me thinking. Just stopped me in my tracks and sort of unknowingly caused me to ponder on things i don't want to think about. Haha, things that i don't want to think about although i should. Arh, God is good. He's just pounding and knocking on that carved wooden door of your heart, making certain that you will come out victorious! This is how much He cares. How much He bothers. Let us be reminded He is a King and doesn't need to care bout you. But He does. He does. He does. Thank God He does.

These past few weeks, I really gave up on stuff.. hehe.. even sometimes, some ppl. ( Okay, I'm sorry, It's tiring to just keep trying and nothing changes?) But heh, It's like God send Chief to tell me. (tho she was't exactly telling me not to give up-- she just said stuff that sort of revives me again?). And I'm willing to try again. Not for everything. Some things really have to be left behind and in the past. But some things were meant to be yours, don't just "wadever" it away.

I 'wadeva-ed' alot of my stuff away. My passion for one. I wadev-ed it away. Other stuff close to my heart. I wadeva-ed it away. Persons that I love, wadeva-ing tthem away. Strangely those stuff that should be left in the past, I didn't 'wadeva' it away. Haha.. they just grew out of my life through God's divine working.

But what God gives you, nothing can take away!! 'Cept you and Him of cos.
But my point is, like said last time, God doesn't bother how screwed-up your life is. If that's His plan for you, and you are humble, humbled and repentant, He always has ways to re-direct you to His final plan for you.

I'm thankful I have Him as my Lord, and Father. And I'm willing to go try it all again. I'm willing to trust again. To hope again. Not just in Him, but in some ppl also. God didn't mean for us to be one-man show ppl. Thank God He didn't. God brings hope doesn't He? New, fresh hope.

Amen.

The break through entry?

Breakthrough. It means breaking through. Moving past a barrier that supposedly would stop you. Think a place that can't be infiltrated being infiltrated. That is break through. Think an open bank at the corner of a street, and robbers going in forcefully. That's breakthrough. Think a man pounding on the doors of a building, and finally tearing the doors down. That's breakthrough.

And my point is? Well, it is that every breakthrough requires an action. And this action is carried out by the person who wants the breakthrough. Want breakthrough? Then what are we doing bout it? Agreed; its God who brings us through. But its us that have to choose to press in. It takes time like infiltrating, breaking down the door. It takes persistence and peseverence. No stopping.

Yah, want breakthrough, press in. I mean PRESS IN. Press : force must be applied.

But we wonder, only me and God? Nah.. thank God no. God gives us 'saints' tp breakthrough with us, just like robbers rob in a group and amry platoons infiltrating a place. More people, more effective. The closer the person, more effective. More close people, More good friends, More Godly friends, much much much more effective.

Sometimes its difficult to seek God alone. Sometimes you just want friends to be there and seeking God together with you.

And I'm so proud that some of you had online devotions when we were in east timor. Very blessed by that. Why not continuing anymore?

We've had you, your saints (AKA jonathans and davids) , What is the next chemical to add to create a breakthrough? God.
Naturally right? Faith in Him, Trust in Him, Hoping in Him. Leaving it to Him. It's all about....... HIM. Our duty is to press in, not move anything. That's his job circle, leave your itchy fingers out of His job scope.

I'll be realistic, Its not easy to let go. Not easy to do alot of stuff. Sometimes You wished some stuff would happen. But they never do. Sometimes that little heart aches and you literally feel it becoming 'suan' or sour. Sometimes you sit down, holding back tears as long as you can. But I'll be realistic once more. The truth is that mr Kleenex is up there all the while. The Spirit is a gentleman. You don't open up, He don't force Himself in. You ask Him in, he gladly comes in. That is the truth. Things will come tt we don't know how to control. But that's when we need to come to the One who controls all.

In my weakness Your strength is made complete and perfect.
Thank God! Phew...
Amen.

The "Where were you" entry.

This morning.There was a conference and the whole video crew was be on. So we're all in the video room. And I'm doing gp with Eileen. I did praise, she did worship. Seriously I think I'm losing my gp-phoric skills. heh.. freaky man.

So I went through tt part of sunday morning, and some one asks me, "Where are you?" But I wasn't attentive lah, so i went on to lunch and the afternoon part of sunday.

So some things happened that really made me so 'yuck' and disappointed. we went to eat, then over to colleen's house to study/do work. Still stuff happened that made me so 'argh'. But then things eased up abit. Haha, thank God for declan. Never thot I'm saying this, but sometimes when i look at Him, My heart just melts. I've seen God in him. Glimpses of it. But I still do. And it made me smile. ( Mushy.. yucks!)

Well, then someone asked again," Where are you?".

Yah, then john and i left to go evenin service. I was on gp again. So had to be there early. Well, i went up to video room again, with more or less the same ppl. Haha, this time, we had like 9 songs!!! So many many many!! Bro derek is a man of many songs.

Anyways, cut things short, it was really really bad. really bad. We couldn't find the song through it all anywhere!! I had to use search button (used only in times of utter despair) and then found it. GA12.

Then after tt, nearing the end of the service, bro wilson at the tampines side sang this really weird old song. Can't make out the words.. and we (fabian, brian and me) were searching like nut cases. And the camera man (gabriel) was hurrying us. I almost employed search button, but fabian found it last minute. Bro wilson started the song with an 'OH' which wasn't even part of the song. ARGH!!

Well, service over, and as i switched off my laptop and someone asked me again, "Where are you?". I was too hurried to get down to meet up with the rest of the youths to reply.

yah.. and after much procrastination, the whole lot of us decide to go blue roof for dinner!! COOL! The older youths and the younger youths and the obasans and ojisans all go to the same place for dinner!! Stuff happened on the way to blue roof, at blue roof and after blue roof. And i felt so much like running to foong's place to just stay over. And yah, cry.

And someone asked me, "where are you?".

I came back home, and things picked up abit. I chat online with some ppl and suddenly a person says something that made the difference in my day. We began to chat about God and all.

Finally I took time to listen to that someone who was looking for me all day. Finally I could hear him becos it was only then that i focused on him. On Him. When we spoke of Him. Then I heard Him say once more in His sweet sweet voice, but no longer asking me where i was the whole day.

Rather He said, " I was there with you throughout the day."

He asked where I was. I couldn't say.
I didn't ask where He was. But I knew. And He told me too.

" I was there with you throughout the day."
Amen.

"All I'm asking is that you turn your eyes upon Me.

Upon Me.

Upon Me.

Upon Me.

I don't hate you. Never did. I love You so much.
I don't care how messy your life is.
All I ask is that you return that gaze to Me.

I'm not asking you to solve your problems.
I'm not asking you to try harder.
I'm asking you to turn your eyes back to Me.

And to watch Me.

For the Son does only what He sees His Father doing.

Likewise when you watch Me, you will do what I do.
Likewise when you watch Me, your heat beats in alignment with mine.

Turn your eyes back to Me. Simply turn your eyes back to Me.

Then passion will return. Then the things I have for you will be restored. Restored and given back to you more than before."
-- 12.20 - 12.30 pm, Sat 7 Feb.

The Post-Fever 1oo Conference @ COOS

Jesus I believe in You And I would go
To the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone Are the Son of God
And all the world will see that
You are God That You are God

Stagnant. Stagnant. You've turn your eyes off Me.

God just brought something to my mind in the conference. Everything felt so familiar, as if i was preparing to go east timor. Just like those 4 days last year which were really great days. And something in me leaps again, is set free again, is joyous again, is uncertain again, but is looking towards Him again.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

That something feels all these, not becos I was in the same place where my fire and passion was blown into flames, though it is the same feelings. Rather it was and, still is, becos God is calling that something back. It's a sort of re-ignition of a past passion. Re-focusing I guess.

When the other east timor team was sharing, God reminded me stuff. One thing that immediately I reminded myself was Part of Healing Process--the words said to partly to me. And partly to them.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

But God didn't mean for me to keep looking towards the things that needed to be healed and to the processes. He had meaning for me to look to Him. And as I worshiped and sang, I realised I lost something so unique to me. I lost them. But amen to the truth that our God is a God of restoration. There and then He restored. And slowly I believe He will restore the rest. I'm clinging on to the words spoken.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

It hurts. Badly. But He called the boy higher. To that place of re-focusing. To that place of surrender. To the nations. The boy was left so lost. But the boy knew Him. He knew Him. And want to know Him.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

God didn't say growing cold hearted. Yah, maybe you've not grown cold. But are you hot? It's not a matter of how cold you are. But of how hot you are. Cold is the absence of heat, not the presence of cold.

God didn't say ignore. But He didn't say bother. He said,"Turn your eyes upon Me."

Thank God He restores. Thank God He speaks. Thank God for the grace to trust in Him. Thank God for being God. Thank God for being there. Thank God for second chances. Thank God He bothers enough to woo you. Thank God for rebuking. Thank God for His love. His love that superceeds all else to emerge strong and unfailing.

This post meeting has seriously challenged me to just look past my problems and unto Him. To re-commit my life to Him first, then His cause, second. To not lose sight. And to seek Him for who He is, not what He can give.

"But I restoreth."
Amen.

The WOAH prayer meeting.

And I breathe in Your breath of life
That fills my heart
You are my all Consuming Fire

I stand here Before You
In wide open wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose In me
As I'm reaching for You

So cool. What could be fun-ner? What could be more exciting than dwelling in God's presence and just enjoying Him.. and worshiping Him?

Today we had one worship meeting man. I'll speak of the before prayer meeting first. I walked from my house to mrt, then took mrt to cck and then 3oo. And i tell you, when you've been having such weird sleeping times like me, and you are travelling on a mrt and public bus alone, your "stay-awake" nerves fail you terribly. Got to admit i was like struggling to keep awake. My eyes were half opened loh, and i was just forcing them open.

Haha.. Anyways, as i was in 3oo, Thank God it was not crowded, unusually. If it was i would have been more sleepy. Anyways, i said to God, "Look, I'm really sorry I'm dozing off. God You've got to help me stay awake during prayer meeting later." And a few minutes later (I'm still struggling to stay awake at this moment lah huh..), the bus stalls at the bukit panjang govt bus stop. And I'm like, "WHAT?!? What nonsense.. Man.. God this has so got to be You loh!! Thank You!!Hahaha..." Haha.. crazy? Nah.. Just tt God is creative. Becos the bus stalled, we had to get down and hop on the next bus. But i decided not to wait and just walked across to cck bldg. And tt little walk made me v much awake. WOAh. The power of my God.

Then at prayer meet, we just break off into this powerful worship session, haha.. the song shirley lim led, I stand here before You, was so right for the mood!!! The song was once a hit song, but it phased out. So when she sang it it didn't feel cliche. Haha.. But then Sis Sandy goes up. And I go ,"No. God No." You know like when you bargain with your hp alarm to give you a few more minutes of sleep? Yah..like tt. And God sort of brought us into another realm of worship. Totally blew my mind. Sis Sandy didn't stop the worship to go ahead with prayer pointers. Just went with the flow and the worship. And we go into worshipping Him and repenting and renweing our lives the whole prayer meeting.

It was just like renewal. I dunno. That word comes to me strong. Another word that came to me was also resistant. Resistant.And yet another word was this.. argh!! Let me try to rmb!! OH!! "In your weakness My strength is made perfect.". That word came so clear and so gently. And God seemed to be saying, " Why do you try so hard in Your own strength? Do you not know you cannot do it unless through Me?". I had forgotten this verse over the past few months. But God reminded me. That sweet Spirit took time to remind me. He didn't have to, but He did. I'm thankful He did.

Another thing was how God impressed on my heart, " I don't want you to be a guest in My courts, where you come and go. I want you to stay in My throne room. Would you stay and dwell in My presence, and not be a guest anymore?"

Bro willie and sister elaine went up to pray. And there i felt like it was a battle. Either you fight for a new deeper relationship or lose it. So many things happened in the short time. Okay..at one point of time I almost wandered off in my mind. Too tired. But well, God pulled me back. Literally. So much to say. Don't know where to continue.

But sighz. I'm still exasperated at the glory and splendor and the awesomeness and the wisdom and the simplicity of my God. Of our God. Of the God of all. Let's be challenged to go deeper into our relationship with Him. Whatever is past, is passed. It's difficult to let go. But hey, It is in our weakness that His strength is made perfect. In Him, all things are perfect.
Amen.

The Sunday Entry.

WOAH. Sunday is my fav day. Whole day in church!! But ends fast. Man....

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Your loves makes me sing
Your love's amazing
Steady and unchanging
Your love's a mountain
Firm beneath my feet

Lah lah.. got quite abit to talk about. Don't know where to start. One thing that really had an impact on me today arh? Guess it was when someone.. spoke to me. Eric. Sighz.. i wanted to tell him like ," Eric, you are right. For like almost everything. Where were you all this time!??!?" Hahah.. but yea.. God was good.

Another part was during worship in the morning. When something in me just said, " This is the ugliness of your heart. When I worship God becos of me and my own glory and agenda OR even becos of the sake of worshiping. And not becos of who He is." I was so taken aback. That is the ugliness of our heart when we do not worship Him in spirit and in truth.

BUT.. God then said thru it all.. if we were repentant and all.. there was a way he could provide for us. Hahah.. sorry, i can't rmb exactly what He said. But during evening service, Bro John Tan....... Peng Chai.. gave a word of God clothing us with His righteousness tt makes us worthy. Hahah... only realised it as im journaling now that it was in line with what God impressed on my heart this morning.

Man.. God can use anyone. Anyone at all. Its the posture of our heart. Man.. I'm so excited at what God's going to do. i want to walk closer with Him. So excited. There are many things i do not understand, like things tt seriously don't seem to be wad theyshld be. But I've learnt also tt my God is big. And for that matter bigger. And for that matter again.. the BIGGEST. that's why i can rest assured in Him. No easy task.. but God will honnor that faith you have in Him. That little faith.

So arise you of little faith and put that which you have into His hands, and He will multiply that for His glory-- shown through your life. [ this is no bible verse.. just something i write cos it sounds nice.. hahah]

In His hands,
Amen.

I did alot of quizzes from derek's blog! Here's one.





What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Strange becos i was supposed to be marlin.. but well.. i'm dory now!


Complete sincerity: You believe in being
straightforward with others, and you expect the
same from them. People would consider you a
good listener, and one who is calm and mostly
serious.


Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh gosh. Haha, I'm calm and mostly serious? Hahah.. i appear calm. And I cna remain calm.. but once we've found the way to solve the prob, its then tt i start to over react.. serious? Oh my.. hahha.. wadever man.. thes quizzes don't tell me in reality who i am. God does. Thank you for knowing me. Thank You for being the Lord of all, the personal One who knows us inside out even when we don't.
Amen.

Passion Entry.

We'll give You all the glory
We'll give You all the glory
We'll give You all the glory
Christ the Lord.

Hmm.. today. Went to study at esther's house. Elvin's house lah. real studying okay? Although i admit i was really stinking tired and hungry.

Well we watched american idol. Wah seh,some ppl are just bad. And this housten or something state? Sighz.. hahha.. what was more intruiging was the comments. I mean its ok they sing bad, cos i'm not good myself, but the comments were like hurting man.

Simon actually told this guy, " You're uselesss." okay.. can't blame him also-- the standard was really exasperating. Haha.. but was wondering how the guy would take the comment.

Anyways, american idol is a nice show. Not trying to get you to bycott it. I wouldn't loh. Nice. Haha..

This entry i called passion becos i finally got the cd. Arh.. wadeva. Hmm.. just suddenly, as in suddenly few sec ago, thot bout leemin. And east timor.

She wanted to pass me her burnt passion cd tt day i left for timor. I still rmb it all so vividly. I declined ( declined? Desmonde desmonde, why so formal?!?). I mean i say dun wan.. cos elvin had the cd. I thot he did. I can't rmb tt lah.. Geez. I rmb when i sat the palne and read the letters. I read esther foong's and almost cried. (yea yea what's new? )

Hmm.. i was scared. But not for the trip. But for trips that i would make in the future. It was like, man. I sat in the aisle seat, and just clutched the packet of suan mei that elvin stuffed into my hands becos he saw his siao di's face of worry. (thanks..da ge). But sitting there you just felt God was really with you and you felt Him so strongly and its like He gives you a sneek preview into your future. It was cool.. but very scary. It was exciting. I mean, i felt a huge contrast of emotions. I felt scared bout the future trips. But in the future trips I felt no fear. I was alone and the only Person with me on those trips was God but I did not feel alone.

I was sooooo superbly grateful to elvin. The char bo ( esther tan, lily jie, sis pearl )were like behind us.. far far far behind. And like in all the emotions, haha.. i felt so unnerved and scared. And of cos alone. Its like ,"woah cool it man God, i'm just a boy. A boy who's like so freaked out by Your awesomeness that he just want to grab his da ge's arm and hold. And grab the other hand and bite. A boy who's like freaking out becos he is so overwhelmed by Your greatness."

We'll give You all the glory..

And with that began my awesome trip which i have so much to talk about. The way God was so with us and having fun together with us was like.... SwEet, aWeSoMe.. totally.. Lixin will agree with me.

Amazing how one studying session at elvin's palce can remind me bout the cd and how that cd can remind me about jessie and how that can remind about the checking-in time on the 5 of dec. And of cos how tt reminded me about His plans and wisdom and His glory.

Man. I'm so going to fever 100 this year again. It's all worth it ppl. The serving. The serving. The serving. (as i'm typing this, i reached the take my life bridge part,of passion, so very into the mood) THE SERVING. Looking back, it's about serving God. Its about serving His ppl. Its about serving the lost. Its about serving God's cause. Its about serving Him.

WOW. I've got alot more to write bout timor. Its like writing my journal there while over there. I'll write some other time. Man.. God You're good. You lifted me beyond my troubles once again to let me see Your purpose. And I'm satisfied. And I'm lost for words. And I'm awed.
Amen.

The I'm back Entry.

Well, I am back. after a long break. Hahha.. my comp down lah. SOOOO upset!! But its back up again. Just that my whole drive is gone. So i lost everything.

Man.. i tell you, the most upsetting is the east timor pics!!! Esther (either foong or tan), send me okay? I want nice desktops once again.

( I'm doing gp now.. so pardon me. Later then blog. Heh..)

Okay. Done. After like so long. Disgusting thing. Okay, this few days what's been happening? No idea man. Sighz. Hmmm.. Wadeva it is, my God still reigns. My God is stil good. My God is still God.

So many things happened. I'm seriously lost. In fact.. i really want to just throw in the towel. I don't want to try anymore. I've had it.

But i have no idea what God has for me. And thru it all.. He has good plans.. I hope. What am i saying? I know. My God is good. Please. Please.

Amen.

The Wadeva Entry.

Wadeva. --Inspired by Joash.

Wadeva. Wadeva.
dun bother dun bother.
dun care dun care.
cos no one else bothers
hence the wadeva
hence the cold hard truth
hence the cry of wadeva!!
nothing matters anymore
because i've been dictated by wadeva.
Does it look like i seriously care?
Cos i dun i dun I seriously dun!
Oh wadeva.whenever?whoever?
WADEVA..

arhh.... WADEVER LAH BOY!! (or as joash would put it, CRAP)

-- the wadeva poem. that doesn't ryhme. But hey.. WADEVA.

The " God, I need a hug" entry.

Everyone needs a hug once in awhile. That's what someone told me. Someone..? I need it now. Mr Someone..I need it now. Someone.

God i need a hug from You! Lah lah..I've come to realise that sometimes when you're really really happy, you want a hug too. I want a hug from God.

I'm really abit 'off' becos jessie's going. Heh. Man.. this entry has so got to be dedicated to her abit also. In the past year that I've known her, I just have to admit i feel very at home with her. She's like a friend that I've known for years. Maybe that's because last year felt like years? I don't know. Last year I established great friendships with ppl and i feel like I've known them for years.

She's been such a great friend. But the thing is that, she WILL CONTINUE to be a great one. =) No point in lamenting her going-away. Cos she will come back and tell of the wonderful things God has done in her life and thru her life there. This i speak in faith.

Amen.

The Argh! I don't bother bout anything now entry.

haha.. you know why i can't be bothered? Becos american idol's on tv. Hahhahah... tel you, its so commical. Wah seh.. Okay lah.. I've not a very good voice myself, but sighz.. oh well. Hahah.. since i dun have a good voice.. shall cease my commenting. Hahahha.. arh.. wadeva. If sharon joined.. I tell you.. man..

Anyways, today I visited my grandpa. For the first time i looked him very closely in the eye. I love my grandpa alot. Always wanted to put my arm over his shoulder kind of thing. Tho i can't speak teo chew and he can't speak mandarin ( well.. not that i can speak mandarin much anyways..) somehow i still feel close to him. Sighz.. its a kind of closeness that I long for with some ppl. Its like.. for that one time.. He felt like the closest person after God. I don't know. Now that I'm typing this, i don't know but, man.. i wished i was by his side right now.

All the closeness i've been longing for from other ppl. All the longing to be close with them. To know what they are thinking. To be counted as their good fren. All of it suddenly seemed to be re-focused onto my grand dad. I want my grand dad!!! No. I want my heavenly daddy!! (re-focused again. Fickle yes.. hey.. i still want to be clsoe to my ah gong and all those ppl okay?!)

You know, have you ever missed God? I have. Alot. Like now too. But.. In His word its said He will never leave us nor forsake us. So why then do we miss Him? I guess sometimes its becos we just detach ourselves from Him. He's like there beside us, but.. we're just focused on other things, that we say.. "geeze.. man i miss You.".. It's not wrong.. just that.. Well.. this song is the song that totally got my crying thing started. I geu this is a kind of missing that makes sense.. because its a longing to have God physically close to You. Arh.. wadeva.. i'm not really making sense.

Cos somewhere behind stars
Is Someone who belongs to me
And I know in my deepest heart
There's a place for You
Until I find the place You've made for me
But still I'm missin You..

Amen. God, I miss those ppl more than I miss You, becos their not here with me. Unlike You. You're right here with me. And right now.. i can't be bothered whether they are near me or far from me. It just doesn't matter anymore. I've found You. I'm satisfied. But I want more. I want to hug You. Tight. =)

The written-again-cos-some-problem-with-comp entry.

So close I believe
You're holding me now
In Your hands I belong
You'll never let me go

So close so close.. You'll never let me go.. So close so close.. You'l never let me go..

ARGH!! Silly comp sily comp. don't talk about it anymore.. hehe. Good thing i only typed abit. Okey dokey, well, was saying today was a very slow day. Wanted to go out becos nothing to do at home. The house was disgustingly clean. I'm so proud of my mother!! yah.. and me too. hahaha..

Well, everyone seemed occupied today. So dearie me just watched tv. Played (check this out okay.. you guys have to leave me a note to congratulate me ) metal gear something something. Downloaded it. I played the easiest level. Some demo thing. Fun? Okay lah. I hardly.. erm.. I'll correct myself, thank you.. I almost never play games. And this one is a shooting game leh!! Hahaha... Anyways, watched tv, played metal gear, deleted metal gear, sleep, eat.

Heh.. i had dinner with God today!! Haha.. arh..

Anyways, i watched cheaper by the dozen. Sighs, I watched it and i really was so envious. I mean the younger children in the family had siblings to look up to. One part that stayed in my mind for a long time was when tom welling flipped the cap on his younger brother, and gave him a very approving smile, saying ,"much better..". And i didn't cry at this movie. I couldn't be bothered with crying. I mean.. i wanted to, but I was just too tired.

And another character I remembered well was Hillary Duff. She sort of saw herself as the sane one in the family, and the one that had to solve stuff. She seemed like the one that held the family together, was the mother figure among all her siblings. The heart of the family..one of the most difficult postions in the family. Arh dah.. wadeva.. I'm thinking too much. Heh..

God is good. The movie sort of made me thankful for my family. And not forgetting ppl who have become like my family. The da ge, the er jie.

THANK YOU GOD!
THANK YOU FAMILY!
THANK YOU DA GE!
THANK YOU ER JIE!
THANK YOU MY BLOGGER RING FRIENDS!
Amen.

Majesty King of eternity
The sky the sea the land
Created in Your hand
Majesty King of eternity
Fill in blank please

We will exalt Your name King Jesus
Every knee shall bow
before Your throne
We will exalt Your name King Jesus
There's no one like You
There's no else like You

God, come close. Let me give You a hug. I don't want to let go. Ever.

God is good huh? Haven't had this sentence in my blog for quite awhile. Not that He wasn't in the past few days, but just that I'm trying to return to the simple things. That God is Good.

I just heard something that totally makes me abit disappointed. Its like this. Uncle Boyle says no morn prayer from tmr onwards to sat cos rp going back. And I have no sch from tmr to like sat. Talk about OH MY WORD.

Anyways, God doesn't just dwell in cck sanctuary every morning from 5.30 to 7. He's everywhere huh? You know what? Sometimes i blog all these. And I don't seem to be living my life like i believe them.

This I believe. That my God can show up even at my house whole day round, all week round, all month round, all year round. So yea, no morn prayer, but God still can show up. I've got so much to tell Him i don't know where to begin. Others may never give me a chance to speak. I may never give myself a chance to speak. But my God always gives me a chance to.

Have we given a chance to ourselves? Have we allowed ourselves time to speak to Him? Have we allowed Him the time to speak back? Have we allowed Him the chance to care?

I miss some ppl. Really do. Just want to be close to them once again.

My heart and flesh cry out
To You my living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul
I've tasted and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You

I cry out for You.. Today as i was sitting upstairs in the balcony with yvonne.. i just looked at bro andrew's notes. I turned the page over, and i saw all the things we had to do. And I jokely said to God, "Wah seh.. all these stufff.. How to do? I cannot do it loh.. if i do one.. i will neglect the other.."

But I felt Him saying back to me, " That's the whole idea. I want to show you that you will not be able to do this on your own. I want to show you that only I can give you the grace to do it all. So that the world may know it was Me that changed you. So that you will know that you've got to let go of EVERYTHING, leave it to ME and you will know that I am in control."

Come once again to me. I love my God. But not as much as He loves me. That's the whole thing. Sometimes i think I love Him so much.. that i'm so wei da, but I neglect the fact that He loves me much much much more. But somehow, think these few days God has been smiling at me.. you know those kind of ," Aiyah.. that silly boy.. sighz.. hahah.. " kind of smile. I've done silly things.. alot esp these few days. Haha.. like an embarrresment to others around me. Haha.. da ge..... but well, God teaches us alot thru it all. I understand why now. Thank God.

Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere.
Amen.

Who art thou SF.. From whence have thou came?
Haha.. Come on, this guessing game not fun loh. Haha.. SF SF. Thank you..

What to speak of today? Its only the half-way mark of today.. but i just want to blog. Will edge be exciting? Will I enjoy later? How bout this.. Will I choose to enjoy? I've got to admit there are things that can/might pull us down. We all have problems. Some of us share it so freely.. or rather.. more freely with certain close ppl. Yet there are the some of us that need to muster alot just to speak of our problems, even with ppl so close to us. But let's trust Him.

I really wonder. When i don't trust someone whom I should.. when i doubt a person, will he feel sad? And if he does.. what more God? When we don't trust Him.. when we claim that we have faith in Him, but we worry excessively bout our problem/s, how much exactly does He hurt?

I always doubt so much. And I hurt. Because i hurt ppl that I love. I take a knife and draw it against His palms each time i proclaim I trust Him, but i don't. Prayer is a proclaimation of our trust in Him..

As the deer panteth for the waters
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You're my Friend and You are my Brother
Even though You are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything

I hide. Dear Brother.. I hide. You see me inside out. You see it all. I hide.
Amen.
-----------
The Edge -- I'm Here.

Hmm.. today's sermon was strangely good.

It started hitting me hard when sis grace said, "People say you're different, say that you're weird.".
Then as she went on she said," You shove things aside, because you think that as a christian, you cannot be unhappy, because others above you say you shouldn't complain. Must always be happy.".

Then, "You are so tired and broken that you don't want to come to services and see people and be around them."
Immediately after,she said " You blame yourself."

God's there my friend. That's what He's saying.. "I'm here." I don't know what you're going through.. or how much you hurt. I don't know if you'll share with me or anyone. but please do share it with the One who wants to share your burdens. Don't make Him feel left out. He wants to help. I don't know how.. but does it matter? Important thing is that He knows how.
Amen.

The Short Entry.
Short one.. cos I haven't blogged in like.. OH MY WORD.. 2 days. Haha.. Aiyah, i blog alot i know.

Anyways, i was reading this article today in daily bread, and this sentence just jumped out. I was like ,"Woah woah.. okay.. i'm holding the book now, no hands to catch you guys, so if you don't mind, can go back into the page?"

Haha, but before they went back in, they sure made an impression, or in imm-pra-see-on, on me. I don't trust in the power of prayer. But i trust in the power and might (think it was might,or was it wisdom?) of my God, and that's why I pray.

Muahahha.. so cool right? Makes me all the more want to see things thru God's eyes. Yah.. end here. Lah lah.. My God is good. Our God is good.
Amen. =)

Prayer + Worship = His Glory coming upon us.

Another prayer and worship session. And God totally showed up. Every time we've had it, God really turns up. Thank You Lord.

I really don't know how to start or where to start from. Let's start with.. the worship. One of the best worships i ever had. Guess there was this freedom in the place. Only the liberty God can bring.

Then we go to the prayer. We were called on, to pray.. under the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit. Different ones of us went up. And i heard this from Him.. which was confirmed by alot of things. But i just didn't dare to go touch the mike. Then after that Jidi calls for altar call.. and I'm just worrying about what to do with the word. Worrying if its me or God. Worrying worrying worrying. So after I was prayed for... i ask sis helen for permission. And i say it. While the others are prayed for.

You want change? You've got to drop the past behind; lay it at the altar, before the cross, before His feet.

I went back. Feeling more charged up because of it you may think right? Nah... i felt soooooo stupid. I sat at the front row. Then i walked back. and sat behind the chairs, on the floor. And cried.

Anyways.. God did alot more stuff. This is just one small portion of it. After the whole thing, there were a few testimonies. one was from yvonne. She said that what I said, was an answer to what she had been praying about for a few weeks now. And i was shocked. You see how much i doubted God? You see how much I don't recgonise His voice? You see how much i lacked intimacy with Him? I have had alot more of these words and visions i didn't speak forth. What if I hadn't said what God told me today? Yvonne would still be questioning.

One thing God taught me today, was also that.. Its an honnor that He tells us stuff and chooses to use us. If we don't do what He tells us to do.. He can always call someone else to do it. But we miss out on a privillege that the King has given us.

God, please seal the work.

This just in! :( as in, it just happened secs ago.) Well.. God just showed me again that if we chose to place glorifying Him before our prob, He will honnor.

God thank You. I WILL hope in You.. my shield, my strength, my portion, my deliverer, my sheltar, my strong tower, my very present help in time of need.
Amen.

"Then who or what are you hoping in? The one who hopes does so coz he knows it's beyond his control. You can't hope for something and try to work it out for yourself at the same time coz it just doesn't work that way.Hoping puts everything into the hand of the One he's hoping in and trusts Him to do everything. That way there's no worry about screwing up or failing because its got nothing to do with you anymore, and everything to do with God."
-- Someone.

In Your presence I am content
In Your presence I am content
In Your presence there is life
Expressions of Your love
Revelations of Your power and might
In Your presence I can bring
A love song offering
In the presence of my King

CAUTION: Do not continue if you haven't watched school of rock and would not like to know some parts of the story. Or else, just read on lah.. =)

I watched School of Rock yesterday. Tell you the truth.. i tink it was pretty sad stuff to me also.. other than funny.

Maybe it was the mood i was in when i watched it. But there was this part, where this boy was lectured by his father, and he didn't say anything about it to anyone in class.. so they went on to have fun, totally forgetting that there was a downcast boy in their midst.

There was another part this girl with an awesome voice didn't want to sing no more, because she felt they would laugh at her for being FAT. No one knew she felt embarressed being fat. They made fun of her.

This chinese boy didn't want to join the band because no one talked to hjm. he thougt he wasn't cool. No one knew he felt that way. They made fun of him.

The principal was initially a jovial, and 'hip' lady. But her responsiblities made her renounce that side of her. And no one knew. No one knew. They made fun of her.

I cried at the show. Stupid? I dunno. I cried throughout many parts of the show. I guess i saw the other side of the movie. So many times in real life that's how we operate. We don't see the hurts people go through. We don't care abit for how they feel. We just go on living our lives, thinking everything is okay.

There are some ppl that, i really want to help.I duno. Its like you know they are hurting, but you can do nothing to help. I cried; silly i know. I'm so insensitive to them. I keep looking inward. Time to look out. Look beyond.

God, give me vision to see the hurting. Give me a pair of listening ears. Give me an encouraging mouth that speaks what You would. Give me hands to be able to hold ppl-- literally and also to be able to lift them up in prayer to You. Give me a heart that feels for the ppl, like You do. Give me a mind that can discern and is wise enough to always lead them back to You. Give me a broad shoulders (naturally if You want, but spiritually and in a manner of speech) , that I may be able to lend others to cry on.

I want to help them God. Help me help. Help me help the way they can accept it and the way You would want me to.
Amen.

Just one glimpse of Your glory
Just one touch of Your hand
And I will never be the same
Cause' God's Spirit is flowing through my veins.

We sing glory to the Father
Glory to the Son
Holy Spirit Fill us up until we are one
Like a fire Burn inside of us
Consuming every pain
As we lift our voice in woship
We will never be the same

This my friends.. is one awesome song. I fell in love with this song when Sharon led it at service. I couldn't rmb hearing this song then.. but at tt point of time i could catch it. Its such a simple song. Melody's simple. Words are simple. I think i can rmb wad Sharon wore tt day. Orange i think. It just stayed in my mind. Not Sharon. DUH. The song.

They sang it last night at power night...... wah..... but i needed to go bathroom... okay okay.. washroom.. not bathroom.. same anyway.....when i came back they were only sang for awhile more before changing.

Just one glimpse.. and Just one touch.. I always thot this was the flaw in the song. I mean.. hello?! One touch will never be enough. One glimpse will never be enough. But then as i sang it in the shower and at home and before net., as i'm trying to fit this song in to worship..(but never able too, that's pretty much besides the point though.), i realised the composer wasn't satisfied. But he was desperate. He was hungering and he was craving and he was longing and he was desiring and he was wanting.... wanting wanting wanting to draw close to the Almighty. So much so that he didn't mind if it was just one time. Because all that matter was at tt point of time-- at that instant, before God.. it would just be ALL about him and God. Nothing and no one else.

Never be the same. It spoke of choice to me.

Often I realised i've met with God, but haven't taken the encounter and using it as a stepping stone to meet again with Him and to do His work. That's why I'm not satisfied. I don't even take the meeting with God-- the glimpse and touch and use it to spur me on. I should be taking the meeting and keep it and use it to say, " God, this is what You have done.I'm thankful.. I'm keeping it.. and I'm going to use it to help me grow. But this encounter shows that You can do much more than just this.. and that's the reason why i want more."

And i will never be the same... I want to catch a glimpse, feel His touch.. and CHOOSE to let it change me. I don't want to be resistant no more. Let us be humble and humbled people before Him, that He can mould us to be ppl that reflect His wisedom and creativity and briliance; just like a master peice reflects how well the artist is at His work.
Amen.

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before Your throne

There is a longing only You can fill. A raging tempest only You can still.
Nothing else can satisfy me the way He does. Yea.. sure.. other stuff satisfy too, but they don't bring the kind of satisfaction He brings. I've been like a storm this whole day. So many feelings and thoughts. But its time to be still before the King.

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love.

Deeper than I've ever been before. I just want to love You more and more. Man.. this day wasn't easy, and even at times I just felt I didn't love God enough. Wasn't close enough. But I think God's singing this lines back to me. He's saying, "My love is sufficient." People.. His grace is sufficient, His love is sufficient. We have that strength to move on.. when ppl don't understand, when people seem to bluntly say things, His love is sufficient.

Sunrise to Sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

My heart has found in You, a hope that will abide. Here in Your presence, forever satisfied. The hope in Christ. Have we lost it? Have we grown weary to the point we cannot believe that He is able anymore? The hope He brings... It abides. has abided, is abiding, will continue to abide. Bro stanley preached on being in the house of God. Have we been taking a yea-been-there-done-that, nothing-can-surprise-me attitude? I don't know.

I think i have. Today at morning prayer, lukewarmness popped in my head.God reminded me about lukewarm-ness. The kind of lukewarm-ness that comes out of being in the church all the time till the extent it becomes routine. Not saying we shld spend time NOT being in church. NO. But its really our attitude and heart. God is an exciting God. I don't want to place Him in a box and every service open the lid and say," ALLO ALLO! Yah.. so at the 7th song, and the 3rd line.. You can come out and touch us all.. Yah.. I knew You were planning to do that."..

Heal God heal. Fix God fix. Mend God mend. Speak God speak. God..be God.
Amen.

Not by might Nor by power
But by My Spirit
Says the Lord of hosts

This mountain shall be moved
This mountain shall be moved
This mountain shall be moved
By My Spirit
Says the Lord

Just thought of an oldie. Hmmm.. super headache right now. Pain.
Anyways, last night was a freaky one man. Hahaha.. i had to like msg someone like so late to ask for prayer. And not enough. I woke my mom up to pray with me.

I had a bad dream. It was not really scary.. i mean, I'm the king of dreams-- usually always have dreams when i sleep. So i brushed this dream off. But suddenly fear just gripped me. Goosebumps? Repeated goosebumps.. wah.. Whether or not the dream was a spiritual thing or just tiredness, it was still freaky. Anyways, my mom prayed for me.. I prayed myself. And rebuked and rebuked and just reminded myself of my authority and position in Christ. Then immediately after the prayer, things became alot better.

Hehehe... ok. Well.. God help me.

Why,we ask. Why,we wonder. Why,I ask. Why,I wonder. I know I'm not. But God Knows who and what.
Amen.

There is no glory in my own wisdom
There is no power in my own strength
There is no might in my own riches
But I will boast in knowing You

For You are high and lifted up
The glory of all nations
You are high and lifted up
The Lord of all the earth
You are high and lifted up
Creator Redeemer
And I will boast in knowing You.

Another oldie.. but pretty nice song. I love it when shirley leads.. but abit don't know how to sing the old songs sometimes. Hahah.. nonetheless, her leading is so fun!!

Stinking blogskin. HAve this funny A letters ard, do you guys see it? Aiyah, change another time, can't fix it lei. Hmm... K ANYWAYS..

Today, hmmm.. tired.Tired.Tired. Hahah.. yah, but i went to evening prayer. Hahah, i wasn't exactly tired during prayer. Thought it was very fun. Okay, haha.. why its fun? It just is loh..

Well.. we went to sunshine place after that.. hahaha.. actually, really nothign to write today. Just, Thank You God for giving me today! Help sch to pass fast tmr. then drag my weekend for long long long!!!

Hehehe.. I'm abit bored. There's no one online to talk to. Hmmm.. I love my God. And my bed. Hahha.. NO MAN CAN SERVE 2 MASTERS.
Well.. today's entry is not a very spiritual entry..but well, God is Good. ALWAYS.
Amen. (see? i still can end with amen..hahah)

I re-did my blog! What.. erm.. eeeky colours. Hehe..

Anyways, not that i really care.. may revert to my old one though, used to that.

I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
To find a chance to thank You

I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You Lord
I was made for You.

Nice song huh? We were made for Him. Everypart of our life. Its no longer ours. It's His. So that He may lift us up to be with Him. So we may resonate His glory.

Today as i was coming out of the MRT station, tapping my card, there was an error msg. And that caused a few sec delay to the whole queue of ppl behind me. It was solved very quickly.. But as i was leaving, a thought came to mind.

What if because of my delay, a short few seconds one, the lady behind me missed her bus. Would she blame me for missing her bus? I thot.. and figured, most prob no. She would just think she should have been faster, but wouldn't blame me. But technically speaking, because of me and my card's error, i delayed her and caused her to miss her bus.

She didn't miss her bus.. not that i bothered to check it out. But i was thinking WHAT IF?

That moment, Pam Seaward's sermon made sense. Its the smallest things that hinder. The things that are so small and seemingly insignificant that hinder us. IF tt woman had missed her bus, it would have been because of me. But she wouldn't have thot of that.

Same here.. Are we over-looking small things that we think, "Aiyah, small matter, not a big deal...". One very good eg is the thots that we have.. some negative thots.. we need to rebuke. But are we just letting them, "pass by"? It's not easy to rebuke. Its discipline. I can't do it also.. very very often. But always rmb, don't overlook the small things.

Small things, simple things.. its all about the attitude of our heart. Is it right before the Almighty??

I don't know how direct this entry may sound.. but.. hahaha, seriously, its a menace. The small thorns and weeds that ppl over look. God give us grace and vision. Your vision. Be blessed ppl!!
Amen.

This I'll testify
Till I see it with my eyes
Your word is true my God
You cannot lie.....

......My faithful God
My faithful God
My faithful God......

Today i did corporate slides!! I'm a corporate loser.. hahah..nah. Anyways,learnt quite abit-- the power of the freeze button! Heheh.. quite badly done lah, i really admit, not trying to gain sympathy. Haha.. but it was fun. My first duty of the year and as a big Gp!!

Anyways, da ge, esther tan and i had to go samuel's bday party. We decided to eat Bk. But something happened on the train. Sighz.. hahha.. must have been such a disappointment to my da ge and er jie. Hahahahahha.. so silly..

Nee-ways.. we went his house, nice. Came back to bb mac's. We were talking about stuff, and we reached the topic of childhood. Somehow, i felt such a tinge of them wanting to go back to old times. I looked back. And i saw God's grace in my life. Some areas where i don't know how i managed to live through.. i did. (that's why i'm here typing now, duh.)

I sort of understand why ppl want to go back to old times. Cause those were times where we like lived so simply. Everything just depend on parents. Everything laid out. But now we can STILL have a more matur-itised version of that. Dependance on God. God said it is easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle than ppl without childlike faith trying to get into heaven.. something like that.

Childlike faith in God.
We had carefree lives then because of tt kind of faith in tmr. That tmr would be a better day and that our parents would be able to solve any problem for us.Naive? That was us.

Now.. we shld have the same kind of faith.. not in 'tmr's.. but in Him. Not SO MUCH in our parents (we trust them still.. but realise they can't repent for us.) But in our HEAVENLY Father. I'm not saying a smooth and trouble-less life will follow.. But.. My hope is in the name of the Lord, where my help comes from, when my strength comes from..

Childlike faith. I want to bless some specific ppl with this entry. God loves you. I love you. Be bold and strong. Be faithful.
Amen.

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want You to be my One consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You

I want it all to be for Him....... This is my cry, my one desire, just to be with Him.. hahah.. 2 songs in one entry.. wait till i find that song then i use..

Hmmmm.. how should i put it? My God IS good. Joel got a word.. Jessie wanting to come to morn prayer also.. its how amazing God can use a few ppl who were willing to pray for their friends and change the spiritual atmosphere..and their friends come.. and pray for other friends who come also. Think about how it can affect the unsaved waiting for us..

I got my wallet back.. by the grace of God. Thank You Daddy!! Okay.. lookingback yesterday during net koinonia.. God has really fulfilled some of my 2oo3 resolutions.
I'm glad. I am. I'm amazed. I am. I'm blown away. I am.

Wow.. 2oo3 has been good. But if there's anything I learnt from morn prayer today.. its not to rely on past experiences.. That's the reason we don't move on. Always thinking for God, always expecting Him to move in ways we're familiar with. Move on.. yeah.. those experiences are mind-boggling sure. But he never called us to a monotonous life. He called us to an exciting life.. He is a creative God. Don't limit His creativity.

I'm thankful. Especially for the ppl and wisodm he brought into my life in 2oo3.. So many. Elvin the da ge, esther tan and foong, my chief, onnointed oon...much much more.Some played really really big parts. Some minor parts. but I'm thankful for all. But Now our youth ministry seems to be one. That's His plan for us. To be one effective people.
Amen.

I can't think of a song.

I will not pretend to feel the pain you're going through
I know I cannot comprehend the hurt you've known
And I used to think it mattered if I understood
But now I just don't know

But I will carry you to Jesus
He is everything you need
I will carry you to Jesus on my knees

And if you need to cry go on and I, I will cry along with you, yeah
I've given you what I have but still I know the best thing I can do
Is just pray for you

I want to carry people to You. Give me big hands Lord.
I want to feel their hurting and carry them to You. Give me a big heart Lord.
I want to forgive. Give me Your heart Lord.
I want to see beyond the worthlessness of this world and to look to you. Give me eyes for only you.
I want to be able to listen to them. Give me big ears and a willing spirit.

I want to be carried by You. I want to be held in Your arms. I want to listen to You. I want to see the things You see. Amen.

Jealousy? Vainity? Pride? These tear down the body of Christ. When you see it.. sometimes it hurts sooooo much.. and sometimes you do it too.. and it hurts more. That's how much God hurts when He sees it. Forgive me Lord and give me the grace.
Amen.