The One About Chinese, Stage, and Christmas.

Well, before i go any further, i just wanna give GOD ALL THE GLORY, for what He has done in the production. I wanna say its thanks to HIM, and HIM ALONE, i could have gone up there and sang.

Haha, when i first heard they wanted me to sing in mandarin, i was totally GONE. Like seriously? Asking Desmond to sing in mandarin is like, asking a dog to purr. Plus add that to my stage fright, which many ppl know i have. True, I was sooo excited, cos i did made passing comments to God that I would really love to sing. But i didn't think i would actually have the chance to, let alone in mandarin.

So i was so panicky. And I'm so thankful to God, for Sis Rina Tan, the sister who gave me practical pointers and revealed so much beyond the technicalities, for Pam, who really calmed me and tried everything to help me, to Judith and Eric Cheng who were like, so patiently playing the piano and teaching me my part, and of cos Xiao Yan Zi, the chinese PLP student who sang with me. And of cos ppl like sharon, jason oon, col, esther f, hayley who really encouraged me. THANK YOU.

And TO GOD. I just kept praying before the show ALL FOR YOU. ALL FOR YOU. And when i went up on stage, my hands were terribling.YET I had a calm around me i know i could never have gotten just like that, considering my stage fright. And i just felt God's presence on that stage. SO strong, it took over. So here, while i gotta admit sometimes i wld love to take some of the glory, i've gotta say, IT WAS ALL FOR HIM. and it was all, HIM.

I tink the production was a sucess.. God really showed the reality of His Love today, through the simple cruxicifiction video. To tink i was criticising that the song played with it was too rock-ish and unfit for the images. But His ways? Higher than ours.

Anyways, everyone did a really good job. I'm proud of everyone, the Video Crew, the Sound, Lighting and Props, the make-up, the worship team, the actors. KUDOS.

This year's christmas turned out to be a great one. Thank God for frens like John, Joel, Col, Esther, Angel, Joy, Gabriel, RINA!, Qiuxia and many many many many others who spent the day with me.. thank you.

And once more, thankyou God. Happy Birthday. =) You're really old, in human years, now. haha..

BLESSED CHRISTMAS!!!!

The One about Christmas Cheer.

CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF ALLL!!!!!

And, its not just the presents, which are getting lesser as I grow up. I've blogged before about my christmas presents from my aunt. So this year no more. haha..

But its also the mood of Christmas altogether. The Christmas productions every year at church. The cartoons on TV. They showed Justice League on TV today, about Christmas, and it was so nice. No real threat or fighting. Villian helping Hero to give the children in the orphanage a nice Christmas.

Love. Joy. Wars (don't) ever start.

Of cos I know the real world is not like that. It can't be. That's just one big lie. (heh.) Even now, somehow, there's so much spoiling my Christmas Cheer. But there's something about Christmas that makes it seem almost Fantastical.

That makes me wonder if I wished, prayed, hard enough, something will happen. Something I want.

Maybe its the Love of the season that I'm searching for. Maybe that's why so many ppl love Christ-mas.

There's this song, on Col's blog.. its just so nice.. Its gonna be in the christmas production sung by 2 singers who i have deep respect for. And not just for their singing talent. Its called Grown-up Christmas List.

I tink it is in essence, A Grown-up, so desperate, that He/She falls back on childhood fantasies and stories, to try and deal with the Adult Things in Adult Life.

Adult-things, in Adult-Life. Maybe love (small 'l') doesn't apply to non-children. Thankfully, Love (Big 'L') does.

Blessed Christmas everyone!
Btw, batman and wonderwoman weren't in the episode. GL and Hawkgirl sent the day together. Clark Kent brought Jon Jonzz home, since he has no family left. Flash went to the orphanage. Batman just volunteered to stay at the watch tower i tink. Didn't even see him or Wonderwoman. :( haha..

maybe.

maybe there was a mistake.
the wrong one stayed.
the right one went up.

maybe there was a mistake.
You made a defect.
A toy robot with a hole.

in his heart.

maybe there was a mistake.
maybe this is one whole big mistake.

cos its thinning.
receding. desperate. and tired.
so tired.

maybe, You could fix the mistake.

The One About (Bad) Public Transport.

OH. How i hate travelling. I hate packing my bag for camps and stuff.
But its just not international travelling.

Travelling in the SUNNY ISLAND OF SINGAPORE, where everyone is nice and friendly. Polite. Where everyone says please, shows courtesy (thanks to Courtesy Campaigns). Where everywhere is clean and green. When the streets are plastered with smiles...

... my foot.

Ok, i know i've ranted about bad public transport rides before. But today was the ultimum man. SERIOUSLY. Today i woke up late, so i wanted to catch a cab. K. I went out of the house at 10.25. Cos i was dilly-dallying la. Then I got to the place where i usually wait. I was the first in the queue of ppl waiting along the roadside. But i waited for almost an hour but no cab. Well, throughout that one hour, 2 parties tried to cut my queue. Just like less than 10 steps away from me.

First it was this girl, i didn't say anything. Then as i waited longer, and longer, i started to get abit upset la. Cos i'm waiting so long and you just cut. So i prayed and ask God not to give her a cab. BAD. I know. haha.. but she crossed over la. then i actually said out loud. HA HA. Then the moment i said that, this family came in front of me. I was like. Ok God. I get it. No more being mean.

Anyways, i got on a cab after.. had to go somewhere else.

Then coming back from church, i got of the train. Before anyone could get off the train, this, can't rmb woman or man, grabbed my arm, and pushed me out, and pushed herself in. I was likeeeee.. OH KAY. I've met bad passengers who don't wait till we alight to get in, but grabbing my arm is a first man.

The bus ride home was bad too la. You know how sometimes at the interchange, some ppl dun line up but wait at the side, and get on when all the commuters in the real queue get up? Well, apparently, the ppl at this interchange don't wait till you all get up the bus. The just push up after awhile. yes. push. literally.

I hate travelling.
Haha, plus the money involved. haha

The One Where They are Gone.

Ok.. the most of the region is gone. I'm sure they are having a time of their lives.. So here i am, eating mee goreng, for the second day in a row.

Its kinda funny to realise they aren't ard. Joel and I went to eat prata, last night at bout like 1 at my house. And he was telling me about some plans on sunday. So i thot, ok, and i wanted to ask him if some of the others knew. Then i realised. "Some of the others" are ALL in timor. Haha..

But thankfully, there are some Survivors of the Timor Snatch, in that sense. Jonathan, matthew and gang are still ard.. Thank God qiuxia was there at prayer.. yeap. Can't wait for sat and sun. Time is just passing by so fast!

Oh well. short entry today. I have nothing much to say.. :]

The One Where D. Looks Back at His Draft Entries.

I have a few entries that i've typed previously.. that i've saved as draft. Simply becos i dunno how to complete them and cos i dun wanna turn this blog into some pity party, where i hang banners and streamers laced with self-pity.

I just read them awhile ago.. and i decided i'd let in abit on what i wrote.. haha, cos i thot long about them!!

Here's one.
a.)I realised something, God using you doesn't mean you're awesome, better. God speaking to you doesn't mean you're good. God sees beyond good, and bad. He just sees your, could be-s.

I was just thinking yesterday as i was having my hair cut, that barbers and hairdressers are ppl who see you for who you are now, and yet they also see your potential, your could be-s as I've more appopriately called it above.

Seriously, plastic surgeons, hairdressers, have it in their scope to daily see their customers potential. Construction workers, engineers, and many other professions built on What Is Not, to create What Is, from what they Envision.

In the bible it says, "Without vision, His people die."

How true. If we cannot envision, and cannot see the potential in ppl, or in ourselves for that matter.. we cannot live life. We can live... but not live life. Cos we'll always be focussed on incidents that hurt us, or something, from the past, or the present.

I guess that's how God gives us second chances, or 287437981738848th chances(for me). Cos He sees what i Could Be. I'd be dead over a gazeellion gazeellions times if He saw ONLY my present, or past. And I say Only Cos, He recognises our mistakes, as should we.

But we've gotta realise too, it goes beyond our mistakes. It reaches God's Blueprint of our lives. His building us from What Is Not, to become What Could Be. It reaches our Potential.

I'm thankful that My Superhero of Gazeellion Chances sees me, and the potential I could be. Really. I'd be no where if He didn't. He's amazing.

The One With All The Minor Injuries.

this. is. disgusting.

A week before camp, i told colleen when she had a blister, that i hadn't had a blister for a really long time. 2 weeks later, my feet's covered with blisters everywhere. and i got a cut on my hand, from crawling under the pool table, and pulling out some hot pink ribbon.

Not to mention the peice of glass i stepped onto, and took out 2 days later.

My eye was swollen real bad the 2 days following the camp, and its still abit swollen now.

Just this morning, as i was brushing my teeth, i dunno why, but i started brushing so quickly and hard as if it was the cure for cancer. And conveniently hit my gum with my toothbrush, giving me an ulcer that is starting to develop already.

And my thumb decided this morning, it was gonna smooch my room door. LEAVING ME WITH A thumb that's bleeding from inside the nail.

And my poor heart, head, and mind is suffering a severe beating from themselves. Wait. the heart beats always anyways. Haha. but i just realised i'm so disgusted with the way I, and i say MYSELF FIRST, and all other humans are so quick to judge.

We're so quick to judge pp's intentions, good or bad. So quick to judge pp based on CRAP, or rumours, or our own myopic brushes with them. Its like, one hole spoils the entire canvas. And i'm speakin for myself too! I'm so bitter, i'm like a bittergod. haha, bittergourd. But, i let one incident alone map out my perception of ppl. I wanna change man.

In camp, there was this session about making the right decisions. One simple but important that was brought up, and i will leave with you...

What would Jesus have done?

The One About the Camp.

Yep, I'm joining the (probable) scores of people blogging about the camp. This year's budget camp has been definitely fun. It's been a pretty amazing time, and definitely refreshing.

One of the most amazing things about this camp, is that I actually really ran around, and threw my heart, soul, AND sole, into the treasure hunt and the other games (cept' for B.O.S -- its the only time i can slack.) I say sole, becos i came back home to pluck out a small peice of glass from the sole of my feet. (OUCH.)

Of cos, you may think i played only cos I had to, since i was the assistant leader. Haha, which is not really true. I got quite a pleasant shock when i heard i was gonna be assistant leader, since every year, i join the ranks of SLACKERS in games. To be all excited and 'on' for games is just so not me. But this yearI was really quite pleased with the games altho there were many flaws and debatable winners. But, its just a game.

Food was bad tho.. Really bad. Its one of the worst in the many camps we've been in. Of cos, the worst still in kukup, nothing beats the vomit scrabbled eggs.

And we had to pay for our shirt, and we had no busing back from east coast. BUT despite all these, this year's camp was really fun. Like said, I really enjoyed the (most) of the games, I had nice room mates, had a really fun and hilarious time talking late into the night with all the region guys. K, they were talking, declan and i were falling asleep. But the fellowship was really fun... I guess if I were to describe the camp with one word, it would be meaningful. The fellowship was truly meaningful, like the whole region was so close. I like that feeling. :)

Of cos, the sessions were really good. To be honest, when i heard pastor miguel was preachin, i was abit scared, and sceptical, cos his prayers are all so long... I entered camp with a mix of anticipation and scepticism. I knew I needed something, just couldn't pinpoint what exactly. I was excited about leading a group, but worried I couldn't convince them to be enthu, or actually play. My mind acted out so many possiblities of how the camp would go before i actually went. Good, bad, mediocre, superb, dissapointing for me... SO MANY MY HEAD JUST EXPLODES MAN!!

But beyond that, I knew one thing for sure. I needed to go for the camp. I needed God, still need actually, more than ever.

God did meet me. He heard every single thing I asked Him for. I asked Him for specific things, and He gave me that, AND MORE.

I dunno what to say. I'm speechless at His love. His forgiveness. His Father nature. His Brother nature. His Spirit, and Best Friend nature. I'm amazed by His big hands, and big legs. His big heart. I'm blowned away by His power, His plans for me.

I'm so humbled by His greatness and my weakness. I'm so thankful He loves me, still, and despite all my horrible horrible messes. I'm speechless. How is it, He can still use a wretched soul like me. How He chooses to.

I stand amazed. So amazed. His love is so deep, so wide, so great.
I'm sorry the entry is so long, but, i just am so reluctant to stop typing about His greatness. I mean... I know He is real. I know it. I know it so well. Becos He's too specific to be a coincidence. His love is so deep so deep.

My Daddy of many chances.
My Big Brother of unmeasureable love.
My Best Friend who's always there, always listening.

I'm speechless.
k, not really since i've typed so much, but this is not anywhere near the amazement i wish to express about His love.

His forgiving, second chances, love........

The One about the As.

Haha, I'm so ont going to talk much about my As, just that its over. And i really need God. And I'm gonna trust God, that whether or not I do well He's smart enough, and He's a really good SIMS: The Real Deal player.

On the issue, of trusting God, I've just had an epiphany about Faith. Well, its a testimony, sort of. Haha, yes, other than Him bringing me through the DREADED As. Seriously, its the worst exams i've taken in ALL my life. On the topic of exams................... we'll leave that till later.

You see, I lost my TGOST text on thurs, which is my one of my lit text. And that's one day before my paper, which is today. I searched like all possible places like three times over, but couldn't find it. So i thought, ok. ask, Sheena, since i'm going to her party in the evening, and she's my senior. Anyways, long story short, she says she needs to find. Which is YAY thank God.

Then at the party, i realised she didn't know my paper was the next day, so obviously i can't be forcing her to find her book, when she
A.) has paper the next day
and B.) is the birthday girl.

So i told her its ok. No clue what else to do, No Backup Plan. I didn't think too much about it. Went home, and miraculously found it in a place that i previouslyi searched THREE times to no avail, no kidding.

Of cos, i had alot of righteous ppl praying for me, haha, and we know the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

I've long felt Faith was believing what you cannot see. Now I have a new definition, Faith is having no backup plan, but trusting God still. Its not me. Its the God i have faith in.

THANK YOU GOD. :)
Anyways, exams are really disgusting, for all kids, all students. Esp in a country like ours, where education is almost equivalent to money, and a future, when you do badly (at least in the eyes of the State and its blind followers), its not difficult to find even children being thrown into EXISTENTIAL DOUBT. (SORRY GUYS, AP stills haunts me.)

ie. exams can make or break a person, not just in manner of business, or academic future. While it shouldn't dictate our own self-worth, somehow, it just does.

GROSS.
haha, to infinity and beyond!!!

BTW, batman rocks. BATMANBATMANBATMAN!

The About All the Answers.

Its been 6 years since i've been in the youth ministry. Since 1998/9 to now. From the old JEC million fishball days to the CCK sunshine place.

I used to look up to the older youths alot; ppl like sharon, joshua, ferri, so on so forth. I practically looked up to every older youth there was in JEC. Not that i don't now. But I used think that once i reached their age, I would have all the answers, cos to me at that time, they had all the ans.

The most of them are 6 years older than me, so since 6 years have passed since then, I'm now the very age they were, when i looked up to them.

Strange to know that, I don't have all the answers. Its funny to realise that 6 years later, i can't solve everything, and i'm not great at much.

Its not true. Being 6 years older does not warrant wisdom and omnipotence.

6 years. Pretty amazing huh?
So much has changed.

The One About Regrets.

On the topic of names, it is pretty amazing how a name supposedly tells more about you than your ability to quickly react upon hearing it. Seen since the Old/New testament days, God gave people names to reflect their destiny too. Abraham, "The Father of many nations", which he was. Jesus literally meant the Messiah, and Joseph meaning "He will add".. and how Desmond means "from South Muster" and so on and so forth.

But I wonder if it is still the case in modern society. I mean, for us, or for parents in the past century and the one we are in now, is it merely just a fad to have a cool sounding name? Like, did our parents really knew what our names meant before they gave it to us? Maybe, maybe not. At least they gaev us, well, human names. Try Kal-el. Nicholas Cage's son.. That's Superman! Or try this, i went online to find out, Gwyneth Paltrow's and Coldplay's Chris Martin's little Apple, Moonunit and Dweezil Zappa. GAWD!! Seriously? Moonunit? What's next, Keypad Fondue Ringring Martin?! Aren't we all thankful our parents gave us normal names.

But would you change your name, if you could, no strings attached? Or for that matter, change anything that happened before in your life?

I used to think I have no regrets. Up to yesterday when i watched Frequency, on channel 5 that is. Seriously, I love the Saturday night movies. Haha, this show's pretty cool. Its about this guy, John Sullivan. He is a cop, who misses his fireman dad who died 30 years ago, in a fire. Everyday he wonders what would it would be like if his dad never died. Then one day, becos of the Aurora Bureolis, and his father's old radio, he manages to connect to this man through the radio. They talk to each other awhile and they realise this is his Dad, Frank Sullivan. John warns him about his death, and saves him. And suddenly reality changes. His father lived to see his graduation day and all. But still dies of lung cancer cos of excessive smoking. Anyways, saving his dad triggers off other things to change like a series of homicides, including the murder of John's mom. They race against time to save her, and blah blah. But anyways, story cut short, they managed to catch the serial killer, and somehow Frank lived on, and reality changed again.. And Frank and his wife managed to continue on healthy and alive in the new reality. ITS SO NICE!

But, compose myself. Haha, the point is, whatever happened in the past makes you who you are today. Would you then have changed anything if give a chance to?

I always believed I'd would not regret anything. I wouldn't call it regret, but i would say I did have things that i wanna change if i could. No, not the name. Haha, altho the idea of 2 names is really cool. Still, i wonder if i should have changed my personality. My likes/dislikes. Should i have went back in time, reach out my hand and say, "Desmond, no. Don't do this. No Desmond, don't touch that. Desmond, you don't want to care for this person so much. Desmond, no. Let that friend go. Desmond, don't say anything. Desmond, hold your tongue, your arms, your legs. Desmond, no. Don't cry."

I dunno. I want to. But I'm all that i am cos of all those blasted things. I'm thankfully, very, for the friends i have now. Still..... there are so many things that almost daily i think about, wondering, if i could have. Sometimes i wonder if my pining for them is what gives me strength to go on.

Yet despite all the desire to change, there are things i would never want to trade away. My family's one. Another is how I knew God since young. That i really fell in love with Him when i was a little boy. Probably even more then than now.

Today during worship, suddenly it just hit me. I was looking for a love-story. Not bgr, kinda thing. But a relationship.. with a dad, or a mom, a sis, or bro, or a fren. Just like John Sullivan and his love for his dad. I'm still looking for that love-story. But just there and then, it was like, God was saying, "I'm your love story. Search no more. I'm your love story."

What can I say but, "Yes You are. Thank You."

The One about the Name. (You'll get it later.)

1.What time is it now? Not a good time.

2.What is your full name?Ng Wei Kwang (Shane) Desmond. Inside-joke. sort of. hurhur.

3.Single or taken?Oh God, Take me away.

4.What does your name mean? Apparently it means Man of the World, mond is world.How sad, i'm not a man ofGod, but of the world. My sec 2 teacher told me about this site, which i go to every once in a long while to read. just for fun. they cut the analysis by alot now. but.. it still is online. KABALARIANS click it and find my name k! see whether its right. i tink it sort of is. but all these things are often so vague, it applies to almost everyone.

BTW, check this out.. this is way cooler! BEHIND THE NAME DESMOND Says my name is actually of Irish descent. Now, probably no coincidence i love the Irish!! WOOHOO! Made my day.

5.Who picked out your name? I decided on it when i was 2. DUH. My parents.

6.What is your nickname ? dunno. des? i dun really hear ppl calling me by nicknames recently.

7.How old are you?- 17 +1.

8.What colour are your eyes?- red eyed.

9.shoe size?- 9.5? 10?

10.How tall (or short) are you?- im short. 169.5. How sad. But hey! My name's of Irish Descent!! Not that sad afterall!

11.What do you like about yourself?- How bout I like the Person living in my heart.

12.What do you always get complimented on? I dunno. Seriously.. do me a favour, compliment me and cheer me up! Wait. My name's of Irish Descent! I'm happy!

13.What is your worst quality?- Wad. I'm all good. HAHA, k. I'm a bitter person.

16.What are the last four digits of your phone- Why would you like to know? Btw, i didn't delete qns 14 and 15.

17.Do you think you're cute?- Trust me honey, I'm the cutest boy that ever or will ever roam the planet. HAHA, becos i have a name of Irish Descent!

18.Hair colour?- black. jet black.

19.Do you wear contacts?- No. I rather be uncontactable.

20.Living arrangements?- I want to go NZ, or Ireland! Cos i have a name of Irish Descent.. haha, prob move to South Munster.

FAVOURITES-
21.Favourite Drink?- good teh peng? I dunno.

22.Favourite alcoholic drink?- I dun drink. Wait. Haha, the Irish drink lots of beer! K.. i like beer. HAHA, kidding. Alcohol is God's bane to man.

23.Favourite month?- December cos of the south.. i feel the snow in the West, when dec comes. Serious. HAha.

24.Favourite subject?- CME.

25.Favourite board game?- Hate to say this, but i hate board games/comp games/card games. I suck at ALL games.

26.Favourite website?- My hotmail acct, if there's a nice mail waiting. Unfortunately it never happens anymore. So JUNK MAIL is my fav. I love seeing everything cleared.

27.Clothing brand?- Nothing really. I wear wadever i tink is nice. Man, i even wear things i dun tink is nice.

28.Favourite day of the year? Hmmmm. Christmas prob.

29.Favourite colour? Hmm. You know the bluish grey you see in rain clouds just before it rains? I love it. I love the cool, refreshing rain it brings.. It hides you, the darkness almost protects an aching heart.

30.Favourite animal?-ALot, but i realise it is Favourite. So.. haha, walrus?

31.More girl or boy friends?- i dunno? In sch prob girls, hey, my class only 6 guys la. Church is equal i guess/

32.Who's your best friend?- Best frenSSS can?? Haha, they prob know who they are. Love you guys man! You guys are the best... btw, before this sentence becomes all about you guys, i better save it by saying, I have a name of Irish Descent!!

33.Are your parents together?-duh.

34.How often do you get together with the family?- every evening?

35.Do you tell your parents or your friends more?- Frens.. but i choose who i tell. Some pp know nuts.

36.Anything special about your parents?- they can quarrel and make up and my mom ends up angry with me instead. But i guess they're very giving pp. They give others more than their own kids. Joel! Rmb how you guys use to come over to my house for chocs and sweets?? We weren't allowed to eat them, till you guys came lor!

37.Siblings and their ages?- sister brother. Age secret.

YES OR NO-
38.You're a flirt?- I dun need to. I'm charming. I have an Irish descended name.

40.You're mean?-Of cos. Being mean is like my bread and butter. Peanut butter. I like it better.

41.You like someone?- kay poh. if you must know, i like my frens.

42.You can keep secrets?- yea. I can. i dun talk much anyways.. i mean i talk nonsense alot.. haha, but real stuff not very often. I dun like talking, tho it doesn't seem that way but seriously!! haha

43.You dance in front of the mirror?-HAHA, funny you shld ask, since i just did the fat dance yest and ended up laughing at myself.

45.You sing in the shower?-been a long while buster. a long while.

46.You've liked Britney Spears?- NO!! Robot.

47.You've liked a cousin?-Nope.

48.You've been in the opposite sex's bathroom?- Isn't the bathroom unisex. Washroom yea.. by accident and intentionally when my frens invited the guys in to look at blood. It was pri 6!! None of us knew about.... er hem. NEXT!

49.You've seriously hurt someone?-i dunno. with my tongue prob? But maybe not also. You've gotta love someone to be hurt.

50.You've been hurt seriously?- who hasn't? Of cos, somepp nv hurt me. they merely disgust me, and disgust requires no love. o

51.You get your way?-i try to? Heh.

53.You're willing to try new things?- No. I love safe things.

54.You've cheated on a test?- many times in the past. Now no more le. No point.

55.Smoked?- nope. I love my lungs. Probably Irish you know.

57.What colour are your pants?- HUH. I have so many. k now its khaki brown.

58.What are you listening to?-the melody of silence.

59. How are you feeling?- sick. i can feel it coming. and i dun get sick easily. Must be cos i came out of the covering.

60.What are you doing?- Nothing. This.

61.What are you eating?- Woodspeppermint.

62.How many people are online?-does it matter? I'm offline.

63..How's the weather?- i dunno, but its not bothering me so its nice.

64.What's on your mouse pad?- no mouse pad.

65.What books are you reading?-nothing. notes i guess.

66.Whats your favourite hangout place ?- church, at times.

67.What perfume do you use?- nah, dun have. I'm nice smelling enough.

68.What's in your purse/pocket?- You say leh? Money cards.

69.Tall or short boys/girls?- i dunno. long legs are nice. But not taller than me can already. Altho i'm not gonna get married. Too much commitment/responsiblity.

70.Blonde or brunette guys/girls?- Brunette definitely. Loved brunette actresses since young. Yea stereotype i know.

71.Good or bad boy/girl?- I'm good sometimes when i tink i shld, bad when i want to irritate you cos i dun like you? Haha, k everyone is both wad!

72.Boxers showing?-nope.. my pants fit me now, so nothing to drop.

73.Long hair or short hair on girls.?- whatever suits her.

74.What do you find annoying in a guy/girl?- hyprocrisy and backstabbing.

The One about Mr Spaceman.

I've always had this lego man, with an orange visor(?) thing.. and its been with me since young. Its sitting on my table together with another 2 lego men. Anyways, I've decided to make him (them) a part of my bloglife. haha, i.e. I was very bored and refused to study.

ARGH! A's are really soon and i haven't written a gp essay/lit essay since prelims. SIGHSIGHSIGH.

Mr Spaceman doesn't want to go to sch. Look at the PE shirt in the background.








Mr Spaceman doesn't want to study or do work.






Mr Spaceman wants to sleep.









Haha, k, pardon the photos.. i'm not very good at taking photos. I used to say i take pictures no heads one. I took super long to take those few shots, just trying to get Mr Spaceman's face in focus. Of cos, you can see Mr Spaceman has really been a long friend of mine. Hasn't grown much older cos of the lightyears thing.. but he is "creaking bone(d).. battle-weary knight.. (with) rusty armour". His knees have gone soft.. His smile is chipped. But he is still my Mr Spaceman. (I'll get him a name someday, dun worry.)

Till next time Mr Spaceman..
To infinity and beyond!

The One about all the Quirks.

My heart sank when i read col's blog, and couldn't find "desmond".. haha, i totally skimmed thru the first 3 names cos they were han yu pin ying names.. for a moment eternity stood still. (HAHA) anyways, i was thinkin it can't be. Shld have me one.. yea the ego thing, i know. HAHA..

Anyways, my name's spelt ng wei (KWA)ng.. Desmond (Shane) Ng Wei Kwang. haha, inside joke. Sort of inside la. K. I'm getting abit un-funny. So let's get on with the programme.

As the Weird P, of the P3, I have alot of weird-ness in me, naturally. That's why i'm called the weird P. K. Haha, not really true, since john's the Muscular P.. and well.. erm.. not much erm.. k. erm. you know la. HAHAHA. And joel's the Cool P, but he's.. well.. erm. not very erm.. coo...... WOW! Coo Coo Clock!! haha.. K, enough talk. Here goes!

"Here's the game. Introduce 10 quirks or idiosyncrasies of yours on your blog, following which you are free to pick five more people to do the same thing."

1 I can't do public speaking. Honestly, i'll keep erm and er here and there. Good eg wld be when i tried to ask some guest a qns at assembly and totally embarressed myself. So much for wanting to be a pastor next time.

2 I always fill my bottle before i sleep, altho i dun wake up to drink. I drink only before and after sleep. And i nv bring the bottle out of the house.

3 I'm highly influenced by people's faces when i hear a new song, or hear a long-not-sung song. So i have many songs with many faces attached to them. they are so many i feel very irritated sometimes, cos they come to mind when i try to praise God. Haha, and that's why i try not to EVER listen to my keating songs in public.

4 I've got sweaty palms.... and feet.

5 I usually clear my drawers and take out everything in my room, and pack them when i'm upset/angry, altho i haven't done that in many months. Learning to handle anger and dissapointm in another way? Hope its a better way. haha

6 i jump about or have violent reactions when i suspect i see a cockroach or any other insect. In public i try my best to suppress the violent spasms.

7 Haha, for this col says usually ppl have neat work and messy rooms and vice versa. Well, my room's neat. No kidding. I can only stand entire mess, not a partial mess. So my room is entirely neat. At least i tink. But i TINK my work is neat too. Haha, i mean, i dun have the best handwriting but i dun tink its messy. Maybe messy chic? HAHA.

8 i have an ingrown toe nail which i have to personally cut and remove every once in awhile. infact i've gotta remove one in the next few days. (its like, use scissors and tweezers to cut and extract)

9 I love cartoons too! I was just thinking yest that i'll love cartoons till forever. Justice League, Batman (naturally), X-men Evo.. I love those american comedies shown on ch 5 7pm.. SOME. hilarious.. i can sit there laughin myself silly..

10 I love the 1930s - 40s. Its so.. haha.. there's a word to describe.. The black and white tvs, the cute microphone. The beautiful women and their dresses and the the men's dressing. The big band music.. wow! The nightclubs where ppl sing, (with the funny microphone!) (N/B: that's another of my dream job.. to be singing at some cafe with a small band.. and those soothing lights and atmosphere.. lazy evening kinda thing!)

"Pick five more people to do tis"

This is really unfair col, you took my list. haha..

1 chua, erm. colleen! HAHA, do it again!

k no. joking. haha

1.qh

2 nat k

3 angel

4 richardson

5 joash

MORE MORE MORE!

1. ARE YOU OVER 18?
Sweet 18.

2. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
A picture of my wallpaper.. haha, of the wall in my room.

3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
No, i was dying after the mock exam.

4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THISMORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
What, its 9.30. I set the alarm at 7.45

5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON UR BED?
Pillows, blankets. DUH.

6. HAVE YOU TRIED TO SKIP A MEAL?
I skip meals only if i have to.. why wld i want to try doing a silly thing like that?! HAHA..

8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE ?
I just am. You just are.

9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
I dunno leh. I wld think no.. but i know i walk faster and i pray sometimes when i come back real late at night..

10. FAVORITE HANGOUT?
CHURCH. Seriously. I destress there.. i mean, even tho i still meet some pp who make me stress.. but.. Church is just a beautiful place. KUDOS VFC, that building truly embodies not just a place but a family, a feeling of warmth, and calm.

11. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
Sun, Water, Oxygen.

12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1THOUSAND DOLLARS?
Hmmm. I'll pay tithes, HAHA, seriously, cos when you pay tithes God mulitiplies wadeva is left in ways you can never imagine.. AND i'll get to save the 900 remaining cos God has blessed. Then, i'll....... i'll get a....... you know wad. 1000 is too little.

13. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPY?
the sound of the tv playing. I go to sleep with the tv on timer.. so it offs on its own.

14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
OH MAN, where do i begin??? Haha, insects tops its probably.. but still have LOTS LOTS LOTS more.

15. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?
Both, sometimes i give sometimes i take. Balance is good.

16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Cream, General, Stone, GS - general stone, RED EYE MONSTER (by some mean neighbours when i was young. they moved. I can't even rmb them. just that name.) Alot la.. haha many defunct, THANK GOD.

17. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME?
Shane. Its mine too.. Desmond Shane Ng Wei Kwang. Bet many of you don't know that.


K. I wish. HAHHAHA.. no middle name la! Sighs.. i have alot of potential names to name my son.. IF I GET MARRIED, seeing as i'm having commitment issues now.

18. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
=( i can't rmb. so long ago!! erm. OH, Charlie and the Choc fac. With col and esther.. to bluff esther out of her house on her bday.

19. IF YOU WERE INVISIBLE FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Find a way to keep the power.. and use it ONLY when i want.. So when i dun wan i can be visible, and when i want i can be invisible.

20. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULDHAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD/DRINK FORTHE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Mee Hoon Kuey. And water. Actually, i dun like the idea of being stuck on an island alone, with the same drink and food for the rest of my life. I'll get off it then.

21. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
I really can't recall.. I like the old heinekien ones, the cuando, and the jennifer aniston one.

22. IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Say the sinners prayer and then stay alone.. and stay put so i won't sin anymore. HAHA.. k. spend time with the ppl i love..

23. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
Probably money, cos you'll really need it to renovate your house and in the mean time find a new place to rent.

24. YOUR EYE COLOR?
Dark Brown.. Actually its blue. Na, RED. Serious. RED-EYED monster.

25. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING?
Keys, wallet, handphone.

26. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
A pastor.. Still do. I had 2nd options thruout the years.. but those changed. Chef, Sunday Sch Teacher (NO THANK YOU NOW!).. haha, recently i wanted, want to be a fireman, haha, a nurse. Paramedic la.. or a construction worker..

27. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7 AM?
think of how to explain my absence from sch if i skip.. but mostly rush to go.

28. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
Duno, i actually can't rmb. Oh, its stripped. Autumn colours.

29. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET?
Hmm. There's this person i really miss right now.. sighs.

30. HOW'S LIFE TODAY?
It was pretty ok till qns 29. HAHA, nah.. its ok. I failed mock exam.

The One about the Eternal..

Its surprising to know that the last episode of Lost, was a recap, and the narrator kept introducing new scenes, with "What if..." Am I psychic, since I wrote a poem on "what if"s? Nah, just clairvoyant. Haha, k. kidding.. well, its just nice to know the world wonders with you, when you are erm.. wondering. (In case you are wondering about that sentence, be assured that the world wonders with you.. even now.)

I was thinking about eternity today.. My cousin got married today, and i was thinking about my own, God-willing, and I-willing, future marriage. And yes, i know i've blogged about my dream wedding before.. About cowboys and horses, and all white weddings. But I guess i'm in the commitment issues period?? I dunno, just the thought of sharing a bedroom for LIFE is scary. Haha, but that's not the point here today.

Well, the point is, eternity is beyond man. Eternity scares man; something that is limitless makes us uncomfortable. Like Elley (Jodie Foster) in Contact, the uncertainty of what to expect is so scary, one can only close their eyes, and 'delude' themselves into believing, "(they're) okay to go". Like it or not, we find a certain certainty (pardon the pun), in boundaries, limits, (love laws HAHA) and in Death. Cos these limits force us to focus and concentrate only on the comprehendable. We find security in these limits, as we can conviniently ignore the existence of the greater and the limitless, as if it were not there.. In doing so, we convince ourselves that we are in control, cos we know where to cordon the keep-out territory.

But the moment we start to think beyond keep-out territory, and we start thinking of eternity, and say, a many-years-down-the-road issue, we find ourselves almost unnerved by the fact that life is going to continue on and on and on and on and on and (you get my drift)... even after you die. Think about the year 3000. What's going to happened then? For those of you with calenders in phones (pressumingly all of you, other than those in the 1190s thinking about the same issue as i am now), scroll on from this month to Oct in another year. Keep doing it... and after awhile stop. And think what are the possible things that could be happening then. Does it overwhelm you? It should. The fact that you know time is limitless and will continue on no matter what happens today, and that Oct 2030 will come, should awe you. And the possibilities to what could be happening then should have the same effect.

I can't imagine living forever and ever and ever.. (and I can't say till the cows come home.. cos well, forever and ever is forever, and there is no TILL). I can't begin to wonder what lies beyond the 5% or 0.5% of my brain cell's i'm using. And I can't begin to even understand God. Or His love for that matter.

But one thing is certain, i'm awed by the limitless power and love of God. It is beyond me. But i'm not going to build a keep-out territory, to keep-out His love, just becos Limitless confounds me. I'm not going to do that so i can con(vince) myself into feeling secure in controlling my own boundaries. Instead, i'll just acknowledge His love IS limitless. And not try and comprehend it.

Knowing He loves you, and me. And not try to rationalise His love away...

PS: Haha, i hope this entry wasn't too difficult to comprehend. If it was.. just know and acknowledge enough. HAHA, k, joking. Just, I'm in a night-high mood, and all these thoughts are running through my head.. Hope you read till the end.. and not skip parts arh! Bottom line is.. some questions just need to be realised and acknowledged, and NOT answered.

Oh and btw, the new blog pic is part of the whole limitless thing.. You can't see the end can you?? Haha..

I'm sorry for another "OH BTW", but Oh Btw, i didn't realised its exactly one year since i blogged about the dream wedding.. how timely! :)

the 'w' word.

It's a quivering, a shivering, a trembling.
Night winds blowing, howling into
a nothingness, an echoing nothingness

of mind.

of mine.

From nothing Man was made.
And in his Nothingness,
fears and doubts and enacted plays arose; arise.
The Age Old question.

what if.

what if, nations rage and seas arose
kings and queens cry
foul, Foul
castles, kingdoms, galaxies
fell like oak trees in vast forests
like signposts in clear highways
like pens released from one's hands.

what if.

in Nothingness man contemplates his "what if"s,
and in Nothingness, he realises his nothingness.
and he falls
like a man, a man, a man, on his knees before Him.

The greatest What If, who erases all other "what if"s.
The One whom, If you can believe,
you would find all certainty.

and then your;
my
what if's would be,

Yes, Lord.

-desmond ng, 17th Oct 2005.

The One with the Tears and Crying.

And so it is.

I'm officially no longer bound by 7.45am, or 8 to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.30pm. Cos its farewell for us. Farewelled. Cos farewell assembly is come and gone.

Like col says, i'm so blesssed to have had a lit teacher as my CT.The lit teachers did dedications to their classes, ie, the arts classes. Cos these teachers actually had real fun with us and took the time to bond with us.. (as a sidenote, hey hannah and col, you guys are sort of arts students anyways.. haha, we've adopted you already.)

Mr K was singing our "class song", and i turned ard and i got a shock of my life. The whole role of girls were just crying like sieow. Haha, its very touching... Haha, and my fav teacher mr wool(d)head, sand some silly song. That was touching too. Just in case you were wondering, I didN'T cry. haha..

We had CT after assembly, and none of us had expected what we encountered. Standing ard in a circle, ex-frens acknowledging a lost frenship, or non-ex-frens acknowledging others for what they've done. Haha.. hugs, handshakes, and lots of tears and mucus, Mr K is officially the teacher who's power is to MAKE PP CRY. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I DIDN'T cry, even tho 4 out of the 6 boys were. I thought i wld be the first seeing as how i cry so much.

But I guess i've just learnt to LET GO. I've been forced to let go of frenships and tings, and pride so much this year. And here's what this entry is leading to. Haha, i wanna do this ting from col's blog! of cos, this is not just exclusively about sch mates. Its about pp who've crossed my path and made a difference. good and bad.

"take the opportunity to say frank/bitchy/true comments abt 15 random people"
1. Thank you thank you thank you for being in sch. Even tho i'm not with you most of the time, your very presence in sch, and just seeing you makes me rmb who i am, and makes me feel at home..
2.The moment i read this, somehow i just wanted to do this, so i cld let out, regarding you. I'm just so utterly irritated by you. I dun think you want to understand what exactly you did. And I wonder how you can see me and not feel anything. Or maybe you do but you ignore it. Why, does it disgust you? Do you disgust yourself? I dunno, and I dun want to.
3. I am more disaapointed than irritated. I dunno what happened to you, but i hate how cowardly you can be sometimes. I have so much to say but i'm dunno how to. But its not worth it. Cos someone like that is not worth it.
4. You'll prob nv know how assuring you are when you love God more than other things. And you assure me that I'm doing what I do, only for Him.
5. Sometimes i dunno why you are like that. As nice as you are, you're not very also. Sometimes i feel so choked by you and i find myself agreeing to things i dun agree with, cos i'm just so tired of arguing my way out of someting i have my own view on. But you're still someone i wanna thank.
6.You wun know how your nonsense has actually helped me out so much in sch. I have someone i can tell stuff about. We don't talk much now but i know you'll be there when i want to.
7.Arh, you. Haha, i look forward to seeing you cos you're just nuts. No sense of normality in you, you know. But you've been so awesome to have in sch. I hope we always keep in contact, altho that's abit impossible. But doesn't hurt to try.
8. You're not really nuts, just abit dense at times. But thanks, even tho sometimes i'm irritated by you, you're still a good fren.
9.Grow up. Seriously.
10. I'm not upset with you. Not that. Just, be who you are. Whoever you're trying to be now, isn't who you are. Its a bad act. Unless you're trying to say you are actually a schizo.
11.You are just irritating la. But i like talking to you and being irritating back at you. Haha..
12. You, haha, strangely I bonded with you. But yea, you're a nice guy, just watch some stuff and stop some stuff.
13. I miss talking to you. But I guess you've changed.. or maybe i have. But i long for the day where i'll suddenly get an email, or msg from you. You've helped me so much.
14. I miss talking to you too. But I guess you've changed.. i have to. But i long for the day where i'll suddenly get an email, or msg from you. You've helped me so much. And I'm sorry that i actually said what i said about you to another. That other, well... was not worth it. I miss having you ard. Sometimes i still wish you never left.
15. You are the One who held on the longest, and still are. If You did such a thing, I wonder wld i be black font or blue font. Or gold font like You are on mine. I've dissappointed You so much. I feel like crying. But i love You. I want You to be proud of me, but its so hard. I miss You so much. How I long for the day i could be with You. But I fear cos i'm just so dissappointing and unworthy. I'm Missin' You. I love You so so much, pls don't doubt that.

1. Your name spelled backwards?
dnomsed gn iew gnawk

2. Where were your parents born?
in singapore, some hospital.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto yourcomputer?
HEY! i dun download stuff. haha, k. not anymore..... but maybe..............

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
auntie mary's and dennys restuarant. haha..

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
hmmm. the last time i tried to swim was in timor, in the sea.
the last time i swam, in a POOL was prob sec 2 when i almost died tryin.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
yes, very often in PHPPS, and i was always playing the sarong boy, cos i'm so dark.

7. How many kids do you want?
hmmmm.

8. Type of music you dislike most?yo
techno, and heavy.

9. Are you registered to vote?
nope.

10. Do you have cable?
yeaaaaaaa! cable!

11. Have you ever ridden on a horse?
yes, when i was young, i have a photo. haha, and thanks for the advice qh! (i took it from her frenster bullentin)

12. Ever prank call anybody?
almost NO ONE in my region can say no to this qns, haha.. its our life force.

13. What happened to #12?
So many reactions. Those who laugh with you, those who are clueless but continue talking.. those who hang up on you (ie a certain boy who went, "What the **ll....." and hung up.)

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
neither. im no adrenaline junkie.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?
hmm. is china or aussie further? i haven't really travelled much.

16. Do you have a garden?
erm.. i want a farm in the future, so does that count?

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
baby blues, undoubtedly.

18. Do you really know all the words to yournational anthem?
haha, sort of.. maybe? i mean i might be pronouncing them wrongly..

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
showers at night, and morning.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
please stop rubbing it in, i haven't watched a movie in ages.

21. Favorite pizza topping?
cheese cheese and more cheese.

22. Chips or popcorn?
depends.. i like chips sometimes, i like popcorn sometimes. i love food.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Ruby Red. HAHA, k. what kind of stupid qns is this. Obviously i dun wear it. OR MAYBE........ haha

24. Have you ever peed somewhere besides thetoilet?
when i was young..

25. Have you ever been in a talent show?
i have not much talents that can be showcased... i mean.. other than the uncanny ability to move things with my mind.. but hey. that's no big deal.

26. Orange Juice or Apple?
Apple..

27. Who was the last person you went out toeat with and where did you dine?
hmm. i can't rmb. that was sunday, with joash and some of them at wm foodcourt.

28. Favorite chocolate?
white and milk.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
TSK, i did say i was not eligible to vote before right.

31. Have you ever won a medal?
in pri sch, at those races.. where i was still fit and loved to play sports.

32. Are you a good cook?
hey, instant noodles and instant mashed potatoes count too. i say they do. haha

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
erm. i can make my own?!?

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
call 1800-112-6868 NOW! and if you call in the next 30 mins, we'll add an extra dollar to original price, to make it more expensive! ........ no. haha, but i liked to watch them when i was young..

35. Sprite or 7-up?
Hmmmm. 7-up.. maybe? haha, i can't rmb 7-up's taste..

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yea, for the past14 years.

37. Last thing you bought at Walgreens?
greens? haha, no such place in sg. Not that i know of..

38. How about at Albertsons?
Ditto.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or findtrue love?
I wld love to find true love, then be a Billionaire.. and still keep my true love, true.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope. The visually handicapped find love too. Besides, love is blind.

41. Can exs be friends?
of cos they can, if they want.

42. Who was the last person you visited in ahospital?
(WAH LAU! QH!!! that's just so lame, and q funny actually. haha..)
she said britney spears, and that the baby's really cute.. haha, yea i agree the baby's cute, but hey britney ain't looking too good. she says she's feeling not too hot, and wants to cover up with the sheets. she finally took my advice and is covering up, FOR ONCE. You heard it first at repeatedly.blogspot.com

43. Did you have a lot of hair on your head as ababy?
yes. itink. as if i shld know.. but britney's baby has alot.. blonde tho. What did you expect?

44. What message is on your answering machine?
Hello, this is desmond. If you're hearing this msg, you might want to try IMH's hotline, cos i dun have a answering machine. Either that or you can call IMH, to send me in.

45.What type of shoes do you wear most often?
Merman have no feet. I have fins!
plus, being a greek god, of the supper and of food, i travel ard in a pumpkin. Hey, it works.. my pumpkin brought Cindy to the ball ya know.

46. What was the name of your first pet?
cow. Its the name of the cow who pulls the pumpkin across time and space..

47. What can be found in your school bag?
Greek gods have no sch bags.. but cupid says he'll lend me his bag od arrows one of these days..

49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That i can be a greek god, if only in my delusional state.

50. What are you thinking about at the moment?
you guys must be thinking i'm mad. i rather be too... sometimes.

The one about life.

Life. Heh, its a funny thing. Its a weird thing.

So many things can happen in one's life.
a) you are living a life of death.
b) you are living a life, of life.
c) you are dying to live.
d) you are living to die.
e) you are dying to die.
f) you believe in life after death.
g) you believe in death.

And you get the idea.

Everyone leads different lives.
We have different responsibilities. Different outlooks to life, different troubles, and joys. We have different families, stresses. Different abilities to love life, and live life. Different aspirations and disappointments.
Everyone leads different lives.

BUT, everyone leads a life.
Everyone has responsibilities, an outlook to life. Everyone has troubles, and joys. We have families, and stresses. We have an ability to love life, and live life. We have aspirations and disappointments.
Everyone leads a life.

We aren't that different. We all have a destiny in Christ. We all have big destinies and plans that God wants us to fulfil. If only we wouldn't indulge ourselves, with ourselves.

Life
Is fleeting fast.
Man and Woman
knows too
much, too
little.

like a globe
of white
of specks
of smallness

life.

the finally one..

i'm listening to keating songs.

again.

I haven't listened to any music at all the past few week. Heh, and i'm just like. melting. I'm considering not listening to any other secular artiste anymore. HAHA, kidding, but just, well, the julianna theory and these other rock bands are getting to me. I'm starting to really want more of quiet reflective songs... THAN ones where the drums come right up to my ears and blow them silly, like dynamites tied to a railroad track in looneytunes cartoons. Ronan Keating and Steven Curtis Chapman are like my fav secular and contemporary christian, respectively, artistes. They are like the best. Ultimate.

They say the types of songs you listen to tell about who you are. So when your preference of songs changes, does that mean you change too? I've gotta admit i've changed so much. My priorities, the way i view life now, the way i view myself, the way i view others.

Honestly, i've typed and retyped this entry so many times now. Haha, it started out abit rubbishy, then started to get very sad, then reflective. Haha, Keating's working his magic. Haha, its a desire to be able to sing like these people, to have something that can touch the heart of Father, and to touch others.. I mean, i dun wanna be a replica of them. Just their talent. In someway. Heh..

SIGHS. there's so much i wanna say.. so, i'll have a compromise and do this from col's blog instead. haha

1 have you ever been late for school?
yes. 5 times by my stupid sch.

2 did you do any good deeds for the past 1month?
yea i guess. I bought myself a Justice League VCD that i really wanted. HAHA. kidding
But yea.. good deeds. prob.

3 how will you celebrate your birthday next year?
I just had my bday!! Next year? Hopefully my future bunk mates dun sabo me.

4 do you love chalets?
Depends on who. Btw, why is chalet spelt chalet and not sharlei?

5 describe you hair?
thick. black. wished i was a brunnete tho.

6 if you could have your hair dyed?
na, as much as i wld love to.

7 did you eat breakfast today?
Yea..

8 what will you do this year?
what kind of qns is this? this year's coming to an end. NEXT.

9 who was the last person you met?
my parents

10 love someone?
yea, alot of ppl.

11 hate someone?
no one's reach that level for me yet. i mean, there are some who i rather'd not be in the same room as but hey, i dun hate them.. that's too strong.

12 why do you think the zebra is black & white in colour?
wad kind of qns is this? haha, k. I'll ans. Cos God loves black and white.

13 what is your favourite colour?
Black and white. Note above ans. Thus i'm god. haha. KIDDING. IM SORRY GOD! k i like black white, lush green, dirty green, bluish grey.

14 what do you notice in the same sex?
i never notice what i notice. this qns is too vague.

15 what's the best dream you had?
FINALLY a beautious (HAHA) qns. I have lots of dreams that I love, but too many. haha.. one i liked was the x-men one i blogged about last time.

16 where did you go today?
no where,but i did go to sleep last night.

17 what colour is your computer?
white

18 is trust or love more important?
both. love is trust. how can you not have either..

19 if you could have a wish wat would u wish for?
i liked col's ans.. cos i wld have said the same.." for more wishes"

20 one sport you hate?
hate them all. I like swimming tho.. THO i can't swim.

21 when was the last time you cried?
one or 2 weeks back.

22 how is the weather now?
nice.. lazy afternoon

23 when is bedtime for you?
varies.

24 the best survey you did?
the once-a-month ones at evenin service!

25 the worst?
those whose results are random. cheatmy time.

26 how are you feeling now?
slightly peachy, slightly reflective.

27 how often do you visit the hairdresser?
i call him uncle, not hairdresser, but when i think my hair is long or thick. LIKE NOW.

28 how do you handle people who are proud?
expose their false humility either subtly or directly, yea i'm mean. bring me to court.

29 who made you smile today?
the boy in the mirror. HAHA. k. ronan keating and his music. :)

30 favourite place?
my room, my house, my kitchen ESP fridge, and erm.. bed. :))))))))))

The Day God Gave the World abit of trouble, the day i was born.

18 years ago today, i was born.

18 years and close to one day from when i was born, I'm rushing to write and entry before the day turns to 18th Sept.

I enjoyed today alot.. Last night, before my birthday came, i was wondering if God would take me home the minute before i turned 18. I mean, i've prayed a prayer many times when i was young; that i would die before i turned 18, so no NS. I was so scared God would take me home, i asked for forgiveness for the sins i've commited. haha..

OH KAY... i'm really trying to rush.

Anyways, a big thank you to everyone who wished me, early or late... btw, only 3 ppl were early/ontime/neartime. haha.. these are the bestest ppl in the world. hahahaha. no kidding. haha.. the rest who wished me are nice too k.

To angel,col, es foong, joel, john, joy (its in alphabetical order!) thank you so sososososoososos much for the posters and the cd. i was making a casual remark to myself that day, that i wanted to get posters for my room.. just a fleeting thot.. but hey, God heard it. And so you guys did too. Thank you so much.. its a beautiful gift. Thanks for the cake.. haha.. ernie. haha.. i like ernie. is that his name? i dunno. haha

To gab, thank you thank you for the card and the keychain.. its really nice. haha.. and thank you for rmbring it! haha.. i was counting on you to msg me la!on time! hahahaha.. kidding. but seriously thank you..

To everybody else.. thank you for spending time with me and forcing me to dance the para para thing, which thankfully i didn't. haha.. to joash, sheena, jason tan, declan, matthew, brian, fabian, sarah, charis.. thank you for the fun birthday!!

I HAVE 4 MORE MINUTES TILL 18TH!!!

Thank you those who wished me.. jessie all the way from aussie. haha.. sharon, qiuyi.. ADD YOUR NAME IF YOU WISHED ME or going to.. (muahahaha)... cos i got no time to type..

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU!!! you make me feel very blessed..

I've got to say this as an ending note.. its is with a tinge of sadness i enter my 18th year on earth.. cos i like the no. 17 alot, and i love being 17. But thank God we grow older.. haha

THANK YOU GOD!!! for loving me and givign me wad i asked for.. thanks for makign the edge service power. You're awesome.

A long time.

I guess its been a long time since ive blogged, and the =( and argh don't really count as a proper blog entry. Haha, in case you were wondering, you beautiful beautiful kind caring souls, i'm fine. haha, not the best, but i'm fine. =)

I guess its juss the stress test that's getting the best of des.
Its been a long time since i've actually done the things i've used to do, like listen to my collection of keating songs. Which is my destress-or, honestly. I was listening to one song that day and i realised when i listen to his songs, i feel cosy, in my living room, as if i'm in my warm blanket, drinking hot cocoa, during winter. I love that feeling. I miss thinking bout stuff.

Its really not a nice period of time. The stress of having no time, and have bad grades. Everyone seems cranky. Even i've changed so much in this past few months, more irritable, impatient. Easily angered. Partly becos of stress, partly becos i've allowed myself to change. Maybe to be accepted? To be respected? To fend off the stress that makes me seem weak? To stop the tears that follow whenever i'm stressed? I dunno.

But things have been changing in the past few days -- God's been reminding me to be nice.
That's not easy. Trust me. haha
With the people you meet.
Its like. OOOOOOH!! -FROWN-

Oh well, God be exalted.
Help me Daddy.

=) I'm Missin' You.

:(

ARGH.

confounded.

Isn't the modus operandi of a Certain Someone astounding?

The way He does things, just... throws you off your feet. His timing, the swiftness to act, or the way He waits, for the precise moment. He's amazing. I don't understand Him at all.

I just read a few blogs, and i'm really quite awed by His strange manner. The way He forms our friendships. The way He makes the impossible possible, so that our classmates will know He IS God.

I don't know how He works. I don't get His timings. I don't get why He allows things to happen that we don't like or understand. Why let Job go through all that he did. I don't get Him at all. Frankly, I think He is rather peculiar. I don't understand why He does things that, superficially, seem to harm us. But i guess that's becos He sees through the superficiality, and sees the eternal, and the potential.

And the better plan He has for us.

I don't understand Him, at all. But i do know He's ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts, higher than ours. I know He holds the future in His hands. I know He gives and takes away. I know He makes all things perfect in His time.

In His time in His time.
He makes all things beautiful
In His time

Lord please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your ways
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time

The Best Way

I say, the best way
is to leave it down.
Like lugagge in departure halls.

Flowing, stirring, moving
fast.

Round and round it
goes. Its always there.
It never leaves.

Cold hard box.
Serves many slaves.
Chained to it.

Round and round they
go. They are always there.
They never leave.

To leave it down is,
I say, the best way.

Of the ridiculous school.

I was talking to John, and i got inspiration to write a blog entry. Well, re-inspiration i guess.

You see, i know this particular sch, we'll name P for top-secret-suspense sake. And P has many students, Ptians. Well, recently, the P-of-P and the D-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e com, or the PD has been like... Pms-sing (i didn't realise its a P too.) for like months now.

Well, the secret codes are important and vital to them NOT finding my blog, and forcing me to be late 7 times, so they can expell me and say its really becos of my latecoming, and not my public complaint.

This would be my first point about P. See, P (meaning P-of-P and PD) is just just being ridiculous about latecoming. Honestly, even if you're late ONE SEC, you're still late and you'll be punished like you've been late ONE HOUR. Trust me, I know. (haha, i know cos of a really good fren i have. called D.)

Well, In P, if you're late, you'll be punished. Naturally, becos P doesn't like us to be late as we'll miss lessons. BUT, when you're late, you get detained a few hours, or the entire day. DEFEATING THE REASON WHY THEY'RE PUNISHING US IN THE FIRST PLACE. So then, should they punish themselves?

What's more ridiculous, is the expelling of Ptians who are late 7 times. They've done it. Not realising, they've destroyed someone's future.. I mean, P doesn't want Ptians to be late cos it will help them be punctual in their future vocations. But, by expelling Ptians of 7 latecomings (some of which might be one, 2 MIN late), they've destroyed a part of the Ptian's future. Where's he gonna go or do for the next few months?

Then let's talk about attire. P wants female Ptians to wear long skirts that make the school look outdated, despite it being a new school. (WOW, I've just dropped a big hint on the sch. haha I'm sure it'll be SLIGHTLY easier to guess. actually. don't guess.) The PD walk around catching Ptians, checking their shirts, or taking a RULER to RULE over Ptians. They measure female Ptian's skirts, without regard for different physical builds, like like thighs, high butt, short torso, NO KNEES. So as long as your skirt doesn't reach within the specified measurement, you're caught. And please. SOME SKIRTS ARE REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY SHORT. SOME OTHERS, AREN'T THAT SHORT, IT JUST LOOKS SHORT. Catch the right ones can?

Sighs, my friend D has been complaining about P.. His friends also complaining. In fact many Ptians are complaining about P. I just had to let it out somewhere, cos D's complaining is taking a big toll on me. haha..

P is ridiculous, so there.

Of malu-iation.

Sighs, i'm so malu-iated recently...

Haha, if you think posting a msg you want to take back from a tag board malu-aiting, (QH, haha, do you want me to remove your tag since its over?) i've sent out msges to ppl i wanna take back right now.

Jus a few days ago, as i was getting down the bus 160, i bumped my head on the door-post, or the part of the bus with the ALIGHTING sign.. I went like OUCH, before getting off the bus. Now, trust me on this. I'm sure no one was tinking, "WOW, he's so tall (k, i'm not that tall) that he hit the top of the bus.." I bet they were like "IDOIT!!!"

On friday, we had some stupid talk. Then we had q and a. My teacher was giving us a few questions to ask. My teacher was saying before the q and a that if i went up i would only be smiling sillily without saying a thing. Sighs, anyways, he was giving this guy a question to ask, and he refused, becos he's smart. My teacher was so passionate about the question, my fren said someone should really ask it.. And being the smart alec i was, i volunteered myself.I wanted to prove to my teacher i wouldn't just go up there and smile. Plus, i thought, if i'm gonna be a pastor, its gotta start somewhere huh?

Well, i did prove my teacher wrong. I didn't just go up there and smile. I went up there, smiled, stuttered, shivered, and erm and er and erm and er myself to ultimate maluiation. The moment i went up there i'm like. SHOOT. And the moment i heard the mumurring a million thoughts went through my head.

"OH NO. Mr Koh's gonna say this is horrible."
"OH MAN. The entire school is laughing at me."
"OH CRAP. The entire board of teachers are saying I'm hopeless"
"OH NO!!!! I'm destroying the sch reputation." (Now, i'm more worried bout mine.. whatever's left at least"

SIGHZZZZZZZ... I'm so humiliated. I shouldn't have gone forwardddddddd. I wana go into hiding for a few mths..

Of billiard tables and concrete slabs.

And yes, also off sore fingers, and a sore back.

This morning, I woke up dreadfully early to go and carry, in my impression, wood. Of cos, we reached and i got an awful shock to see, 10 concrete slabs. Oh, at first glance, the slabs look light enough. I mean, they look like light, heavy slabs. At most 4 ppl carrying one slab. BOY was I Wrong. Like 10 ppl carrying one slab, huffing and puffing till the house comes down.

It was so heavy la. And I think, haha, I didn't really do much. I'm pretty weak.. Probably the weakest among all the 10.

We were all injured, someway or another.. feet steping on toenails, on other feet. Bruises, bad backs.. Haha, my ego was certainly injured a great deal at being so weak, and haha, for leaving my sweaty palm prints very clearly on the slabs. All 10.

When we were stacking the slabs on top of one another, i happened to misjudge my holding space. And the slab was slaPPed down (bad pun. i know.) on my fingers. Haha, being the gung ho guy, act cool. I really thought I could just slide it out. After all, most of the time with other stuff you can. But after awhile, like 3 secs, (haha.. i dunno. anyhow say a time. ) i couldn't pull my fingers out and the pain was setting in i went. ARGH!! Sounded like a shortened version of my ARGH in youthcamp last year.

Everyone seemed to stop, at least to me, and they lifted it up, freeing my fingers. And someone went DES!!!!

I was really shocked at that Someone's reaction. He seemed so angry for that moment. Haha, but i like him. He's a really nice uncle la. And I know he was so upset with me cos i never listen and watch my fingers. In that split moment i thought of God.

I wondered, could it be that He too gets really angry with me when I fall down and hurt myself. Perhaps He's angry cos, He doesn't want me to get hurt, and He warned me and I didn't listen. Or was too careless. Of cos, after a few moments of thinking, I realised God wouldn't be angry with me. Probably just really really disaapointed.

My finger tips are abit sore now still. Haha, its like kiap-ping your fingers with something really kiap-pish. Haha, but i caught a glimpse of who God is, and the intensity of His worry when we choose to disobey.

But i wouldn't want it again. haha, i dun wanna kiap my fingers. I told declan that i thought the night before that the stuff would fall on me and i would wake up in a coma and lose the use of my legs. Haha, so scarrrrreeeee.

Oh well. Billiard table. AHhhhhhhhhh.

Of tang yuan and His blessings.

Yea, post was too long. I cut it shorrrrrt. sad. haha.. yea. we went to eat at bukit timah. haha.. ate tang yuan..

Its like. SOOOOO yummy. I love tang yuan. Anyways, the owners, they're such nice people. Really nice, friendly owners. Esther told us later they were christians, so gabriel was right. But really. They are like... truly victorious, cheerful christians.. What we should be living like, as Children of God.

What really struck me most, what gave me inspiration to blogggg (say the last 3 words like nobility would. haha) was what this tang yuan auntie said. If God blesses you, who can take it away? When God opens a door, who can close it?

I feel so relieved hearing that from an all-smiles auntie. Really. I sort of trust her cos she exudes this presence that says without speaking "I know my God will never fail me." And i rest in that fact that God's gonna put me whereever He wants me to be, and i'll not like die or not make it. Even if i dun, its probably God's will and its comforting. Haha.. esp at this time when i just finished my midyears. haha

I rest in the shelter of Your love
I rest in the wonder of Your grace
I rest in the shelter of You love
I rest in the shelter of You
-Rest, Skillet.

Haha, i like this song.. anyone has it send me plssss! Yes, at least tonight. I'm gonna rest. haha.. like now.

Of His great love.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I rmb there was one day where the pastor said just think of one verse and hold on to that. At the moment none of the really few memory verses came to me. I could summon none to my mind, none except John 3:16. The verse I've rmbed since young. That wasn't a new-believer's verse, as i've always thought it to be, at that moment. It was a verse of His Great Love.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures and
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

There's twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
-24, Switchfoot.

Your grace is sufficient.

I chanced upon someone's blog. She ended with In God I Trust. That's so encouraging. Its like a rehma word at the right moment. I'll add on to the phrase.

In God I'll trust, and I'll hope.

Of quiet nights and many thoughts.

Sighs, haha.. i'm just in a really quiet mood today, wth switchfoot playing at the back. Haha, trust me, while they're good, and probably more appealing to most, i am so tempted to let ronan do his magic and adding to my reflective mood.

OH KAY. haha.. i made my arrangements, keating is playing for the house now. haha..

Yea, my previous entry was so like. haha.. angry la. But i'm over it la. I mean, yea. haha.. forgiveness. I should check myself first right. Haha, as bro andrew said, personal responsiblity.

Our life is somehow, always about relationships. True? Between our parents, between our friends, enemies, the people we meet in our day-to-day living. ie, kopitiam owners, hawkers, bus drivers, the person who sits beside us in Mac's. Of cos, the most important is the relationship with God.

We can have many friends but no close ones, or a few close friends, but little friends outside of that social circle. I feel one of the saddest people are the former people. Its like a "jack of all trades but master of none," or, biblically, "what good is it for a man to gain the world..." heheh out of context but it just reminds me of that. I've seen people with no close frens at all. And they're trying so hard to be accepted. just moving from clique to clique to clique. that's scary. its sad. But to be lonely is so scary.

and yes, this is the part where i wanna say i'm thankful to God, for sending His Holy Spirit (HS) to be beside me always.

Haha, sometimes i feel la, its so easy to make things sound nice by treading together line after line of words. but without conviction, the words jus become, quite meaningless. That's my worse nightmare. That my words become so sweet and nice, but carry no weight and true gold that survives the test of fire. (HAHA, isn't this paragraph so descriptive??)

Oh well.. conviction is important. haha..

Of unfairness.

Ok, I'm like feeling totally betrayed. Yea, prob betrayed would be too strong a word.. but i mean, for a certain someone to be angry with me when i'm the one who's been wrongED.. and for that someone to release his/her own guilt by being and having a cold war with me........ that's just so unfair.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGH.

You know wad, i'm gonna complain bout stoooopid ppl who can't WAIT their turn to get into MRT carriages. How i wish i could take a loudhailer and scream into their faces -- PASSENGERS ALIGHT FIRST YOU CREEPS!!!!!

To whoever bothers to read this, pls, when the trains packed like library books in a shelf, let passengers alight first.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGHHHH.

Talking about library books, i got chased away and stopped from studying today. Cos, i exceded study time.

It's so ridiculous. Honest. ARGhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. haha.. I finished my ranting. Sighs. I'm so irritated. Really.. and i really feel that its so unfair that i'm being treated as if i'm at fault when i'm not. And i'm feeling worst that the someone is treating me that way, cos he/she is the one at MORE fault. (Not that i'm saying i'm at lesser fault. I dun even think anyone's at fault. But relatively speaking, to do whatever that someone did, is pretty much a fault.)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The redemption was prayer meeting which was pretty fun. Yes, i know, so superficial right. Hypocritical to be talking about prayer being good and like ranting like i am. Sighs. I'm not angry with that person. Just super cheesed off at the reason he/she is angry with me, and even more angry that he/she is making me seem like the culprit.

argh. Dear God, teach me how to love.
FAST. haha..

LIFE!!! :p

Of my strange neighbour.

Just awhile ago, coming back from the David Allbritton thing, i walked past my neighbour's house. Anyways, this is the one neighbour on my level that is really. Well. Weird. Haha.. When she first moved in, she kept standing at the door, scolding vulgarities. Especially when we looked into her house.. k.

Something struck me as i walked past her house. It was the possibility that she really needed some love. And slowly, she's beggining to see it. I rmb this year, when i walked past her house, i got a shock becos she was standing at the door, inside. Then she suddenly moved and opened the gate. I jumped back in shock. Haha, yes, she's still standing at the door, but thankfully, no longer scolding vulgarities. She actually apologized to me, and there was true sincerity i felt. "Oh sorry!! Sorry sorry.."

Even the fiercest-looking and meanest person on earth needs love. God's love.

I did street evangelism today.. with the rest. Haha, i don't know what to say about it. Haha, just strange to think that I want to be a pastor next time and.......... haha.. yea. Well.. it was definitely fun. Definitely humbling. And definitely something that you need God's help in. Not something you can do on your own. But i guess one truth keeps me going. haha.. will keep me going...

... the world searches for a love that would fill their souls. that when found, will change them inside out. God's love...

Thank God for that lady that was like partially or fully blind? The one singing her songs, beautifully i must say. She made me realise that, my failures and weaknesses shouldn't daunter me. Esther says she might be a christian. That encouraged me even more. That God watches over us.. He'll make sure we make it in the end, if we let him.

Thanks God. You rock. :)

Of shows that require to face your fears/hates/dislikes.

Over the past week, i've had to rely on TV to be my companion. *Heh.. who's complaining?!? definitely not me*. Of cos, i've watched things like Eye For A Guy.. (hey, i'm sorry we don't have a better bachelorette too you know)... Lost (seems pretty nice) ... Inuyasha (YEA!!!!!!!!!!).. and much much more. Of cos, i did little studying. I mean. sighs. the more you watch, the more you think.. that.. there's just so much more to life than studying. and doing well and getting a good job and being all the world wants you to be. K. I'm not going into that. Mr Boey Kim Cheng has already done enough of that for us. TO us. hahah..

Of cos, i was watching One Tree Hill that day. Its a show i watch on and off. Its abit slow moving.. but its really alot about relationships. And of cos struggles of a young adult. The episode i watched on thur really got me into blogging mood. But well.. i can't rmb why in the end i'm only blogging now. Anyways, that ep showed the characters struggling to be who the world wanted to be.. struggling to face up to their fears and they're feelings. The world is crazy. honestly. they expect you to do something. and when you do. they can't accept that you did. Anyways, yea. facing up to your fears is just. well. not actually as bad as facing up to the reasons why you're hurt, or you hurt others.

I mean, everyone has been hurt before. Guess what makes the distinction between a strong person and a not-so-strong one is whether or not, they can face up to their own flaws, to the reasons why ppl have hurt them. Its not easy, facing up to it. I mean, it means, above and beyond the hurt of rejection/betrayal/wadeva (THE RESULT), you also have to face the start of THE RESULT.. which MAY be becos of you. The MAY part is just. well. scary. You never know. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable.

Perhaps this is the kind of facing up, that Caleb had to do. To first, admit the strength of his enemy i.e his own inability. Then to admit and acknowledge and proclaim that God makes up for His lack. And of cos, that Lao-Da up there is much stronger than anyone else. Faith in God removes the uncertainty that makes people uncomfy.. and replaces it with hope.

Perhaps i need to hope again.
And say, "Give me my mountain."

Of cos.. one big mountain now is studying. yuck.

BTW, i just wanted to say that i have really fallen in love with Inuyasha, and yes. Justice League. Haha, Batman saved the JL's butts like.. twice this week. That's like twice out of 3 missions. BATMAN rocks.

dude.
:)

Of Pet Peeves.

K. Haha, i just deleted my entire entry on pet peeves and people who generalise; aka MCPS, Feminists, Racists, Size-ists (heh heh, gab col and es should rmb this haha).

Haha, i don't know wad to type ready know. Totally lost. Haha, its like i've hit a permanent blogger's dry. Walking and wandering in the desert now. I want desSert.

Have I ever said i really like batman? Haha, maybe i haven't, or maybe i've said i didn't like him. Haha, i take that back. I was watching Justice League, and Batman that day, and i realised he really is my favourite hero. Haha, i mean, perhaps its all the brainwashing from my aunty who used to give me lots of batman toys EVERY CHRISTMAS, but i really like batman.

I mean, he's like the guy i wanna be. Haha, I mean, I would really really really REALLY like a castle, with a hidden lair, cool gadgets, and a really nice car. AND AND AND, be ridiculously rich.

Haha, those were my childhood dreams. Haha, but more importantly, i realised recently why i really like him. Cos he's the most human superhero. The most real of these fantasy characters. I mean, he has NO powers. NADA. ZILCH. NO powers whatsoever. But the Justice League has needed him to save their butts so many times ready. I mean, its his brains that are super man....... k. haha.. i realised the pun. haha.. "super man". haha.. and yes. yes. i admit. I really want the batmobil too. haha.. isn't it such a babe??

Sighs. If only i was rich, and batman. And i got my driving's license. haha.. BATMAN rocks.

The One with the deaf guy.

You know what? I've been blogging and blogging recently! Holidays i tink.. gets you all into the retrospective, introspective, extrospective, manyspective mood. Of cos, ronan keating helps alot. Haha, joking la. I mean, things like hanging out, being quiet. Being irritating. having services. Did you guys know, you can just click on the blogger bar, the icon that says "blogthis" and voila! Easy blogging.

K. Fighting the ZzZz monster. He's very smart, attack my eyelids first.

Anyways, on sat, i had dinner with the guys at BK after edge. So this deaf dude comes over, and he places this small collarpin kinda thing ard, with a slip of paper that explains everything. You know wad, i didn't buy it from him. I mean, i wanted to. Honest. But somehow, i just kept thinking of how i'm gonna live this month. OH no money for food. OH no money for this crap and that nonsense. Then I wondered if i could just like tell him, i dun want the thing, but i'll give you 2 bucks. 2 bucks i can part with. but my friend says it would be insulting to the dude.

It got me thinking la. I mean, i gotta admit. I'm not some really really good noble guy. I'm far from that. And that's not being modest. I mean, i've been thinking about it the past few days before sat - how do i judge whether to help someone? Do i fear to help someone becos he looks weird, or do i fear to help someone becos i fear my own lack. The deaf dude, we shall call Mr Dude, wasn't weird-looking. He looked normal. Whether he was a quack or not i don't know. But it doesn't matter i realised. Like, I think i have no compassion.

Would i have shunned Jesus, when He was on the way to Golgotta, or however you spell it? To the hill of Calvary, when He's all scarred and bleeding? And meat's just hanging from His back, and head and face? Would i have hesitated to give him a drink. I really can't answer. I realised, in someway or another, i've fallen into my own world of self-pity. As if, ALL the world goes through bliss but me. Mr Dude's condition really shook me up from my state of rest and complacency. I mean, ppl struggle to live day-by-day. They put aside their own shame cos that's how desperate they are to live. Its so humbling to be telling others your weakness (his deafness), and expecting them to patronise you. To refuse pity as a form of love, but to seek and desire respect for who he is as a form of affirmation of his capabilities.

Sometimes, we live too long in our own worlds. Sometimes, perhaps we indulge our own selfpity, bitterness and hurt. Sometimes, perhaps, maybe, we think the world must conform to us. We forget we're no better or worst from anyone else living on this earth. Cos God's no respecter of persons.

I'm struggling. No kidding. It so difficult to forget, more difficult to forgive. Worst still, to love again. Everytime you resolute to forgive, the enxt tiem you see them, something else they does irritates you soooooo much. Its a constant thing - to forgive and love. I admit i need God. I admit i'm weak. I admit. I. AM. NOTHING.

The One where I can't understand.

I don't understand people. Many people don't make sense. Some just don't make sense no matter how hard they try. Other can't be bothered. They don't even try to make sense. They just come, drop a bombshell on you. Expecting you to go with the flow. They have no psyco-motor skills. Or rather, hearto-motor skills. Do one thing but mean another. Worst - some have no motor-motor skills.

INTERMISSION.

Like, yesterday, I could only understand after the intermission. So after the above-mentioned intermission, i'm certain you will understand.

You see, i went for a play yesterday. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Of cos, i didn't understand the first half of the play. Killing my brain cells trying to decode the shakespearean english into normal english. Of cos, by the time i was finished with one sentence, i missed 3 other sentences. But the INTERMISSION saved all.

After the INTERMISSION, everything flowed better. I bet those who watched with me agree. Somehow, we seemed to understand the plot more, as a whole. And understood what the characters were saying.

It was a cool night. Mr Woolhead was so funny. He's my favourite teacher man... ARH.. R and G. I sure hope someone puts up a play of that. haha.. I wouldn't mind watching.

Just like the court jester yesterday, Festes I think his name was.
Sometimes, it takes a fool to survive in this world that's wise beyond its capacity.

The One with the Test TEST test.

[ Gone. Like yesterday is gone ]
I really hope this turns out the way i expect it to. Trying this blog this thing. haha.. If its gonna turn out the way i want, its gonna be so much easier. Tmr's GP. OH MAN. God help us. Help me. haha.. HELP!!!

By the way, col and hannah, yea. I wanted to put up the countdown thing, but i'm just too lazy to update everything and all. haha.. Sloth.

I miss J1. Silly. But i do miss it. I miss TGOST esp... TGOST. The horror book. The shocking plot. The scandal. The exam. I like TGOST alot. The god of small things, by Arundhati Roy btw. Its so. well. thought provoking. I mean, Jane Eyre doesn't do that. So does Drac. I love Dracula alot too actually. I think its a pretty cool story. Cliche, but nice. Jane Eyre, is well. A more. ROMANCE. I rmb i did blog once that i've fallen in love with Jane Eyre. Under the influence of alcohol I tink. haha.. kidding. I love my J1 lit texts.. jane, rahel, and mina. st john rivers, estha, and jonathan harker. OOooh...

The one with the random ramblings.

K. Here I am, typing and writing an entirely new entry.Honestly, I dunno what to write already. haha.. i mean. seriously. My blogging, OD-ing days have gone back since really long.. like one of the first to get into the blogging wave.

I'm proud to say i'm still blogging know. Although my blog entries may have still remained uninteresting. But I'm still proud of my heritage. well. Sort of heritage. Sort of proud. haha..

Haha, i'm like a netizen man. I rmb neopets. I was one of the first one to find out.. when there were still cheats and all.. and i learnt about it from a website. haha.. K. I'm just showing off now. haha.. I KNOW. haha

But its like.. its nice to look back at how far you've gone. Honestly, i mean. sis winnie looked back and its like, wow. She has had a pretty hard life. I can't imagine being ostracised by the entire class. I mean, its different from having no close frens. Its like a concious effort by others to bully and reject you. Not a subconcious thing.

Looking back in my primary sch life, I've had a great clique. Girls and boys clique. Rare in pri sch, but its POSSIBLE!!! In sec sch i was so low profile. and super sad when 2 of my best frens went to a different class in sec 3. I was very low profile in sec sch la. Super quiet in class, can get along with everybody. (cept' one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what) Like I've never been rejected by an entire class!! Cept' that one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what.

Its really sad to be ostracised I feel. I mean even if you've doen someting to deserve it. But still.... that's why i feel even more for sis winnie cos she couldn't have done anything wrong. She's so sweet natured la. So full of grace and love and humlity. Like... all she did was be a widow.

Its so hard to have no relations. I admit i worry many times if ppl can accept me. Sometimes even wonder if God can accept me. Or wonder if i'm ever gonna accept myself. But I'm thankful for those special few frens of mine who have stood by me and cheered me on. Scolded me. Helped me in moving on. I mean, maybe i haven't been the best fren. But THANK YOU for considering me a close fren. :)

THANK YOU GOD too. You're awesome. I'm missin' You.

NB: I wanna do so many things!!!!! Like watch movies. Not Ep III cos that's reserved for watching with my dad, but honestly. Some other show. And i really wanna go eat sushi buffet. And get clothes. haha. yea yea. materialistic boy. :(

Of country songs...

Even if you feel you've screwed up a million times, God can forgive you 2 million times. Even 10 million times over.

This line is just so powerful, and so reassuring. I think last sat's msg was excellent. Patrick isn't like JS, in that he doesn't make as many lame jokes, and he doesn't really like suddenly speak very VERY LOUDLY LIKE MOST PREACHERS DO ANd then suddenly speak normally again. But its just so annointed. I mean, he reminds me alot of that pastor who came during the month of one accord, Doug Lambert. So personal, so cosy during his sermons. And VERY annointed.

Annointing's really important. Today, i was watching how bro stanley leads worship. I mean... don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the other worship leaders are bad and are not annointed. Its just that i happened to notice that bro stanley doesn't sing absolutely new songs, and he still manages to bring the congre into a deeper realm. No big actions... just simple worship.. its like he's so engrossed in worshipping God. There are also a few others who also manage to bring us into a deeper realm of worship.

Of cos, true worship doesn't rely on how well the worship leader goes, or how well the songs are led. But its great worship dynamics to see the entire congregation swimming in the river of God, then just you alone.

Annointing.

How bout Sister Winnie? She's such a woman of grace. And she's just so like.. like.. she hides behind the cross know. Like brother oon (i rmb that sentence, that is utter rubbish from the pits of hell). I mean, soft spoken, but so powerful.

Annointing is important. The bible says the annointing breaks the yoke. haha.. by that sentence, i prob need alot of gazeellion annointings man. But I'm thankful that He has 2 gazeellions of annointings, or even 10. I need so much of God's grace.. haha.. cos i need to show ppl grace.

Anyways, i really love the countryside. Wish i could move there now. =( haha, if God's the owner of many cattle-filled fields, i wish He could spare me just one field. haha..

Love Ya God.