A long time.

I guess its been a long time since ive blogged, and the =( and argh don't really count as a proper blog entry. Haha, in case you were wondering, you beautiful beautiful kind caring souls, i'm fine. haha, not the best, but i'm fine. =)

I guess its juss the stress test that's getting the best of des.
Its been a long time since i've actually done the things i've used to do, like listen to my collection of keating songs. Which is my destress-or, honestly. I was listening to one song that day and i realised when i listen to his songs, i feel cosy, in my living room, as if i'm in my warm blanket, drinking hot cocoa, during winter. I love that feeling. I miss thinking bout stuff.

Its really not a nice period of time. The stress of having no time, and have bad grades. Everyone seems cranky. Even i've changed so much in this past few months, more irritable, impatient. Easily angered. Partly becos of stress, partly becos i've allowed myself to change. Maybe to be accepted? To be respected? To fend off the stress that makes me seem weak? To stop the tears that follow whenever i'm stressed? I dunno.

But things have been changing in the past few days -- God's been reminding me to be nice.
That's not easy. Trust me. haha
With the people you meet.
Its like. OOOOOOH!! -FROWN-

Oh well, God be exalted.
Help me Daddy.

=) I'm Missin' You.

:(

ARGH.

confounded.

Isn't the modus operandi of a Certain Someone astounding?

The way He does things, just... throws you off your feet. His timing, the swiftness to act, or the way He waits, for the precise moment. He's amazing. I don't understand Him at all.

I just read a few blogs, and i'm really quite awed by His strange manner. The way He forms our friendships. The way He makes the impossible possible, so that our classmates will know He IS God.

I don't know how He works. I don't get His timings. I don't get why He allows things to happen that we don't like or understand. Why let Job go through all that he did. I don't get Him at all. Frankly, I think He is rather peculiar. I don't understand why He does things that, superficially, seem to harm us. But i guess that's becos He sees through the superficiality, and sees the eternal, and the potential.

And the better plan He has for us.

I don't understand Him, at all. But i do know He's ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts, higher than ours. I know He holds the future in His hands. I know He gives and takes away. I know He makes all things perfect in His time.

In His time in His time.
He makes all things beautiful
In His time

Lord please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your ways
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time

The Best Way

I say, the best way
is to leave it down.
Like lugagge in departure halls.

Flowing, stirring, moving
fast.

Round and round it
goes. Its always there.
It never leaves.

Cold hard box.
Serves many slaves.
Chained to it.

Round and round they
go. They are always there.
They never leave.

To leave it down is,
I say, the best way.

Of the ridiculous school.

I was talking to John, and i got inspiration to write a blog entry. Well, re-inspiration i guess.

You see, i know this particular sch, we'll name P for top-secret-suspense sake. And P has many students, Ptians. Well, recently, the P-of-P and the D-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e com, or the PD has been like... Pms-sing (i didn't realise its a P too.) for like months now.

Well, the secret codes are important and vital to them NOT finding my blog, and forcing me to be late 7 times, so they can expell me and say its really becos of my latecoming, and not my public complaint.

This would be my first point about P. See, P (meaning P-of-P and PD) is just just being ridiculous about latecoming. Honestly, even if you're late ONE SEC, you're still late and you'll be punished like you've been late ONE HOUR. Trust me, I know. (haha, i know cos of a really good fren i have. called D.)

Well, In P, if you're late, you'll be punished. Naturally, becos P doesn't like us to be late as we'll miss lessons. BUT, when you're late, you get detained a few hours, or the entire day. DEFEATING THE REASON WHY THEY'RE PUNISHING US IN THE FIRST PLACE. So then, should they punish themselves?

What's more ridiculous, is the expelling of Ptians who are late 7 times. They've done it. Not realising, they've destroyed someone's future.. I mean, P doesn't want Ptians to be late cos it will help them be punctual in their future vocations. But, by expelling Ptians of 7 latecomings (some of which might be one, 2 MIN late), they've destroyed a part of the Ptian's future. Where's he gonna go or do for the next few months?

Then let's talk about attire. P wants female Ptians to wear long skirts that make the school look outdated, despite it being a new school. (WOW, I've just dropped a big hint on the sch. haha I'm sure it'll be SLIGHTLY easier to guess. actually. don't guess.) The PD walk around catching Ptians, checking their shirts, or taking a RULER to RULE over Ptians. They measure female Ptian's skirts, without regard for different physical builds, like like thighs, high butt, short torso, NO KNEES. So as long as your skirt doesn't reach within the specified measurement, you're caught. And please. SOME SKIRTS ARE REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY SHORT. SOME OTHERS, AREN'T THAT SHORT, IT JUST LOOKS SHORT. Catch the right ones can?

Sighs, my friend D has been complaining about P.. His friends also complaining. In fact many Ptians are complaining about P. I just had to let it out somewhere, cos D's complaining is taking a big toll on me. haha..

P is ridiculous, so there.

Of malu-iation.

Sighs, i'm so malu-iated recently...

Haha, if you think posting a msg you want to take back from a tag board malu-aiting, (QH, haha, do you want me to remove your tag since its over?) i've sent out msges to ppl i wanna take back right now.

Jus a few days ago, as i was getting down the bus 160, i bumped my head on the door-post, or the part of the bus with the ALIGHTING sign.. I went like OUCH, before getting off the bus. Now, trust me on this. I'm sure no one was tinking, "WOW, he's so tall (k, i'm not that tall) that he hit the top of the bus.." I bet they were like "IDOIT!!!"

On friday, we had some stupid talk. Then we had q and a. My teacher was giving us a few questions to ask. My teacher was saying before the q and a that if i went up i would only be smiling sillily without saying a thing. Sighs, anyways, he was giving this guy a question to ask, and he refused, becos he's smart. My teacher was so passionate about the question, my fren said someone should really ask it.. And being the smart alec i was, i volunteered myself.I wanted to prove to my teacher i wouldn't just go up there and smile. Plus, i thought, if i'm gonna be a pastor, its gotta start somewhere huh?

Well, i did prove my teacher wrong. I didn't just go up there and smile. I went up there, smiled, stuttered, shivered, and erm and er and erm and er myself to ultimate maluiation. The moment i went up there i'm like. SHOOT. And the moment i heard the mumurring a million thoughts went through my head.

"OH NO. Mr Koh's gonna say this is horrible."
"OH MAN. The entire school is laughing at me."
"OH CRAP. The entire board of teachers are saying I'm hopeless"
"OH NO!!!! I'm destroying the sch reputation." (Now, i'm more worried bout mine.. whatever's left at least"

SIGHZZZZZZZ... I'm so humiliated. I shouldn't have gone forwardddddddd. I wana go into hiding for a few mths..

Of billiard tables and concrete slabs.

And yes, also off sore fingers, and a sore back.

This morning, I woke up dreadfully early to go and carry, in my impression, wood. Of cos, we reached and i got an awful shock to see, 10 concrete slabs. Oh, at first glance, the slabs look light enough. I mean, they look like light, heavy slabs. At most 4 ppl carrying one slab. BOY was I Wrong. Like 10 ppl carrying one slab, huffing and puffing till the house comes down.

It was so heavy la. And I think, haha, I didn't really do much. I'm pretty weak.. Probably the weakest among all the 10.

We were all injured, someway or another.. feet steping on toenails, on other feet. Bruises, bad backs.. Haha, my ego was certainly injured a great deal at being so weak, and haha, for leaving my sweaty palm prints very clearly on the slabs. All 10.

When we were stacking the slabs on top of one another, i happened to misjudge my holding space. And the slab was slaPPed down (bad pun. i know.) on my fingers. Haha, being the gung ho guy, act cool. I really thought I could just slide it out. After all, most of the time with other stuff you can. But after awhile, like 3 secs, (haha.. i dunno. anyhow say a time. ) i couldn't pull my fingers out and the pain was setting in i went. ARGH!! Sounded like a shortened version of my ARGH in youthcamp last year.

Everyone seemed to stop, at least to me, and they lifted it up, freeing my fingers. And someone went DES!!!!

I was really shocked at that Someone's reaction. He seemed so angry for that moment. Haha, but i like him. He's a really nice uncle la. And I know he was so upset with me cos i never listen and watch my fingers. In that split moment i thought of God.

I wondered, could it be that He too gets really angry with me when I fall down and hurt myself. Perhaps He's angry cos, He doesn't want me to get hurt, and He warned me and I didn't listen. Or was too careless. Of cos, after a few moments of thinking, I realised God wouldn't be angry with me. Probably just really really disaapointed.

My finger tips are abit sore now still. Haha, its like kiap-ping your fingers with something really kiap-pish. Haha, but i caught a glimpse of who God is, and the intensity of His worry when we choose to disobey.

But i wouldn't want it again. haha, i dun wanna kiap my fingers. I told declan that i thought the night before that the stuff would fall on me and i would wake up in a coma and lose the use of my legs. Haha, so scarrrrreeeee.

Oh well. Billiard table. AHhhhhhhhhh.

Of tang yuan and His blessings.

Yea, post was too long. I cut it shorrrrrt. sad. haha.. yea. we went to eat at bukit timah. haha.. ate tang yuan..

Its like. SOOOOO yummy. I love tang yuan. Anyways, the owners, they're such nice people. Really nice, friendly owners. Esther told us later they were christians, so gabriel was right. But really. They are like... truly victorious, cheerful christians.. What we should be living like, as Children of God.

What really struck me most, what gave me inspiration to blogggg (say the last 3 words like nobility would. haha) was what this tang yuan auntie said. If God blesses you, who can take it away? When God opens a door, who can close it?

I feel so relieved hearing that from an all-smiles auntie. Really. I sort of trust her cos she exudes this presence that says without speaking "I know my God will never fail me." And i rest in that fact that God's gonna put me whereever He wants me to be, and i'll not like die or not make it. Even if i dun, its probably God's will and its comforting. Haha.. esp at this time when i just finished my midyears. haha

I rest in the shelter of Your love
I rest in the wonder of Your grace
I rest in the shelter of You love
I rest in the shelter of You
-Rest, Skillet.

Haha, i like this song.. anyone has it send me plssss! Yes, at least tonight. I'm gonna rest. haha.. like now.

Of His great love.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I rmb there was one day where the pastor said just think of one verse and hold on to that. At the moment none of the really few memory verses came to me. I could summon none to my mind, none except John 3:16. The verse I've rmbed since young. That wasn't a new-believer's verse, as i've always thought it to be, at that moment. It was a verse of His Great Love.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures and
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

There's twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
-24, Switchfoot.

Your grace is sufficient.

I chanced upon someone's blog. She ended with In God I Trust. That's so encouraging. Its like a rehma word at the right moment. I'll add on to the phrase.

In God I'll trust, and I'll hope.

Of quiet nights and many thoughts.

Sighs, haha.. i'm just in a really quiet mood today, wth switchfoot playing at the back. Haha, trust me, while they're good, and probably more appealing to most, i am so tempted to let ronan do his magic and adding to my reflective mood.

OH KAY. haha.. i made my arrangements, keating is playing for the house now. haha..

Yea, my previous entry was so like. haha.. angry la. But i'm over it la. I mean, yea. haha.. forgiveness. I should check myself first right. Haha, as bro andrew said, personal responsiblity.

Our life is somehow, always about relationships. True? Between our parents, between our friends, enemies, the people we meet in our day-to-day living. ie, kopitiam owners, hawkers, bus drivers, the person who sits beside us in Mac's. Of cos, the most important is the relationship with God.

We can have many friends but no close ones, or a few close friends, but little friends outside of that social circle. I feel one of the saddest people are the former people. Its like a "jack of all trades but master of none," or, biblically, "what good is it for a man to gain the world..." heheh out of context but it just reminds me of that. I've seen people with no close frens at all. And they're trying so hard to be accepted. just moving from clique to clique to clique. that's scary. its sad. But to be lonely is so scary.

and yes, this is the part where i wanna say i'm thankful to God, for sending His Holy Spirit (HS) to be beside me always.

Haha, sometimes i feel la, its so easy to make things sound nice by treading together line after line of words. but without conviction, the words jus become, quite meaningless. That's my worse nightmare. That my words become so sweet and nice, but carry no weight and true gold that survives the test of fire. (HAHA, isn't this paragraph so descriptive??)

Oh well.. conviction is important. haha..

Of unfairness.

Ok, I'm like feeling totally betrayed. Yea, prob betrayed would be too strong a word.. but i mean, for a certain someone to be angry with me when i'm the one who's been wrongED.. and for that someone to release his/her own guilt by being and having a cold war with me........ that's just so unfair.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGH.

You know wad, i'm gonna complain bout stoooopid ppl who can't WAIT their turn to get into MRT carriages. How i wish i could take a loudhailer and scream into their faces -- PASSENGERS ALIGHT FIRST YOU CREEPS!!!!!

To whoever bothers to read this, pls, when the trains packed like library books in a shelf, let passengers alight first.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGHHHH.

Talking about library books, i got chased away and stopped from studying today. Cos, i exceded study time.

It's so ridiculous. Honest. ARGhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. haha.. I finished my ranting. Sighs. I'm so irritated. Really.. and i really feel that its so unfair that i'm being treated as if i'm at fault when i'm not. And i'm feeling worst that the someone is treating me that way, cos he/she is the one at MORE fault. (Not that i'm saying i'm at lesser fault. I dun even think anyone's at fault. But relatively speaking, to do whatever that someone did, is pretty much a fault.)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The redemption was prayer meeting which was pretty fun. Yes, i know, so superficial right. Hypocritical to be talking about prayer being good and like ranting like i am. Sighs. I'm not angry with that person. Just super cheesed off at the reason he/she is angry with me, and even more angry that he/she is making me seem like the culprit.

argh. Dear God, teach me how to love.
FAST. haha..

LIFE!!! :p

Of my strange neighbour.

Just awhile ago, coming back from the David Allbritton thing, i walked past my neighbour's house. Anyways, this is the one neighbour on my level that is really. Well. Weird. Haha.. When she first moved in, she kept standing at the door, scolding vulgarities. Especially when we looked into her house.. k.

Something struck me as i walked past her house. It was the possibility that she really needed some love. And slowly, she's beggining to see it. I rmb this year, when i walked past her house, i got a shock becos she was standing at the door, inside. Then she suddenly moved and opened the gate. I jumped back in shock. Haha, yes, she's still standing at the door, but thankfully, no longer scolding vulgarities. She actually apologized to me, and there was true sincerity i felt. "Oh sorry!! Sorry sorry.."

Even the fiercest-looking and meanest person on earth needs love. God's love.

I did street evangelism today.. with the rest. Haha, i don't know what to say about it. Haha, just strange to think that I want to be a pastor next time and.......... haha.. yea. Well.. it was definitely fun. Definitely humbling. And definitely something that you need God's help in. Not something you can do on your own. But i guess one truth keeps me going. haha.. will keep me going...

... the world searches for a love that would fill their souls. that when found, will change them inside out. God's love...

Thank God for that lady that was like partially or fully blind? The one singing her songs, beautifully i must say. She made me realise that, my failures and weaknesses shouldn't daunter me. Esther says she might be a christian. That encouraged me even more. That God watches over us.. He'll make sure we make it in the end, if we let him.

Thanks God. You rock. :)

Of shows that require to face your fears/hates/dislikes.

Over the past week, i've had to rely on TV to be my companion. *Heh.. who's complaining?!? definitely not me*. Of cos, i've watched things like Eye For A Guy.. (hey, i'm sorry we don't have a better bachelorette too you know)... Lost (seems pretty nice) ... Inuyasha (YEA!!!!!!!!!!).. and much much more. Of cos, i did little studying. I mean. sighs. the more you watch, the more you think.. that.. there's just so much more to life than studying. and doing well and getting a good job and being all the world wants you to be. K. I'm not going into that. Mr Boey Kim Cheng has already done enough of that for us. TO us. hahah..

Of cos, i was watching One Tree Hill that day. Its a show i watch on and off. Its abit slow moving.. but its really alot about relationships. And of cos struggles of a young adult. The episode i watched on thur really got me into blogging mood. But well.. i can't rmb why in the end i'm only blogging now. Anyways, that ep showed the characters struggling to be who the world wanted to be.. struggling to face up to their fears and they're feelings. The world is crazy. honestly. they expect you to do something. and when you do. they can't accept that you did. Anyways, yea. facing up to your fears is just. well. not actually as bad as facing up to the reasons why you're hurt, or you hurt others.

I mean, everyone has been hurt before. Guess what makes the distinction between a strong person and a not-so-strong one is whether or not, they can face up to their own flaws, to the reasons why ppl have hurt them. Its not easy, facing up to it. I mean, it means, above and beyond the hurt of rejection/betrayal/wadeva (THE RESULT), you also have to face the start of THE RESULT.. which MAY be becos of you. The MAY part is just. well. scary. You never know. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable.

Perhaps this is the kind of facing up, that Caleb had to do. To first, admit the strength of his enemy i.e his own inability. Then to admit and acknowledge and proclaim that God makes up for His lack. And of cos, that Lao-Da up there is much stronger than anyone else. Faith in God removes the uncertainty that makes people uncomfy.. and replaces it with hope.

Perhaps i need to hope again.
And say, "Give me my mountain."

Of cos.. one big mountain now is studying. yuck.

BTW, i just wanted to say that i have really fallen in love with Inuyasha, and yes. Justice League. Haha, Batman saved the JL's butts like.. twice this week. That's like twice out of 3 missions. BATMAN rocks.

dude.
:)

Of Pet Peeves.

K. Haha, i just deleted my entire entry on pet peeves and people who generalise; aka MCPS, Feminists, Racists, Size-ists (heh heh, gab col and es should rmb this haha).

Haha, i don't know wad to type ready know. Totally lost. Haha, its like i've hit a permanent blogger's dry. Walking and wandering in the desert now. I want desSert.

Have I ever said i really like batman? Haha, maybe i haven't, or maybe i've said i didn't like him. Haha, i take that back. I was watching Justice League, and Batman that day, and i realised he really is my favourite hero. Haha, i mean, perhaps its all the brainwashing from my aunty who used to give me lots of batman toys EVERY CHRISTMAS, but i really like batman.

I mean, he's like the guy i wanna be. Haha, I mean, I would really really really REALLY like a castle, with a hidden lair, cool gadgets, and a really nice car. AND AND AND, be ridiculously rich.

Haha, those were my childhood dreams. Haha, but more importantly, i realised recently why i really like him. Cos he's the most human superhero. The most real of these fantasy characters. I mean, he has NO powers. NADA. ZILCH. NO powers whatsoever. But the Justice League has needed him to save their butts so many times ready. I mean, its his brains that are super man....... k. haha.. i realised the pun. haha.. "super man". haha.. and yes. yes. i admit. I really want the batmobil too. haha.. isn't it such a babe??

Sighs. If only i was rich, and batman. And i got my driving's license. haha.. BATMAN rocks.

The One with the deaf guy.

You know what? I've been blogging and blogging recently! Holidays i tink.. gets you all into the retrospective, introspective, extrospective, manyspective mood. Of cos, ronan keating helps alot. Haha, joking la. I mean, things like hanging out, being quiet. Being irritating. having services. Did you guys know, you can just click on the blogger bar, the icon that says "blogthis" and voila! Easy blogging.

K. Fighting the ZzZz monster. He's very smart, attack my eyelids first.

Anyways, on sat, i had dinner with the guys at BK after edge. So this deaf dude comes over, and he places this small collarpin kinda thing ard, with a slip of paper that explains everything. You know wad, i didn't buy it from him. I mean, i wanted to. Honest. But somehow, i just kept thinking of how i'm gonna live this month. OH no money for food. OH no money for this crap and that nonsense. Then I wondered if i could just like tell him, i dun want the thing, but i'll give you 2 bucks. 2 bucks i can part with. but my friend says it would be insulting to the dude.

It got me thinking la. I mean, i gotta admit. I'm not some really really good noble guy. I'm far from that. And that's not being modest. I mean, i've been thinking about it the past few days before sat - how do i judge whether to help someone? Do i fear to help someone becos he looks weird, or do i fear to help someone becos i fear my own lack. The deaf dude, we shall call Mr Dude, wasn't weird-looking. He looked normal. Whether he was a quack or not i don't know. But it doesn't matter i realised. Like, I think i have no compassion.

Would i have shunned Jesus, when He was on the way to Golgotta, or however you spell it? To the hill of Calvary, when He's all scarred and bleeding? And meat's just hanging from His back, and head and face? Would i have hesitated to give him a drink. I really can't answer. I realised, in someway or another, i've fallen into my own world of self-pity. As if, ALL the world goes through bliss but me. Mr Dude's condition really shook me up from my state of rest and complacency. I mean, ppl struggle to live day-by-day. They put aside their own shame cos that's how desperate they are to live. Its so humbling to be telling others your weakness (his deafness), and expecting them to patronise you. To refuse pity as a form of love, but to seek and desire respect for who he is as a form of affirmation of his capabilities.

Sometimes, we live too long in our own worlds. Sometimes, perhaps we indulge our own selfpity, bitterness and hurt. Sometimes, perhaps, maybe, we think the world must conform to us. We forget we're no better or worst from anyone else living on this earth. Cos God's no respecter of persons.

I'm struggling. No kidding. It so difficult to forget, more difficult to forgive. Worst still, to love again. Everytime you resolute to forgive, the enxt tiem you see them, something else they does irritates you soooooo much. Its a constant thing - to forgive and love. I admit i need God. I admit i'm weak. I admit. I. AM. NOTHING.

The One where I can't understand.

I don't understand people. Many people don't make sense. Some just don't make sense no matter how hard they try. Other can't be bothered. They don't even try to make sense. They just come, drop a bombshell on you. Expecting you to go with the flow. They have no psyco-motor skills. Or rather, hearto-motor skills. Do one thing but mean another. Worst - some have no motor-motor skills.

INTERMISSION.

Like, yesterday, I could only understand after the intermission. So after the above-mentioned intermission, i'm certain you will understand.

You see, i went for a play yesterday. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Of cos, i didn't understand the first half of the play. Killing my brain cells trying to decode the shakespearean english into normal english. Of cos, by the time i was finished with one sentence, i missed 3 other sentences. But the INTERMISSION saved all.

After the INTERMISSION, everything flowed better. I bet those who watched with me agree. Somehow, we seemed to understand the plot more, as a whole. And understood what the characters were saying.

It was a cool night. Mr Woolhead was so funny. He's my favourite teacher man... ARH.. R and G. I sure hope someone puts up a play of that. haha.. I wouldn't mind watching.

Just like the court jester yesterday, Festes I think his name was.
Sometimes, it takes a fool to survive in this world that's wise beyond its capacity.

The One with the Test TEST test.

[ Gone. Like yesterday is gone ]
I really hope this turns out the way i expect it to. Trying this blog this thing. haha.. If its gonna turn out the way i want, its gonna be so much easier. Tmr's GP. OH MAN. God help us. Help me. haha.. HELP!!!

By the way, col and hannah, yea. I wanted to put up the countdown thing, but i'm just too lazy to update everything and all. haha.. Sloth.

I miss J1. Silly. But i do miss it. I miss TGOST esp... TGOST. The horror book. The shocking plot. The scandal. The exam. I like TGOST alot. The god of small things, by Arundhati Roy btw. Its so. well. thought provoking. I mean, Jane Eyre doesn't do that. So does Drac. I love Dracula alot too actually. I think its a pretty cool story. Cliche, but nice. Jane Eyre, is well. A more. ROMANCE. I rmb i did blog once that i've fallen in love with Jane Eyre. Under the influence of alcohol I tink. haha.. kidding. I love my J1 lit texts.. jane, rahel, and mina. st john rivers, estha, and jonathan harker. OOooh...

The one with the random ramblings.

K. Here I am, typing and writing an entirely new entry.Honestly, I dunno what to write already. haha.. i mean. seriously. My blogging, OD-ing days have gone back since really long.. like one of the first to get into the blogging wave.

I'm proud to say i'm still blogging know. Although my blog entries may have still remained uninteresting. But I'm still proud of my heritage. well. Sort of heritage. Sort of proud. haha..

Haha, i'm like a netizen man. I rmb neopets. I was one of the first one to find out.. when there were still cheats and all.. and i learnt about it from a website. haha.. K. I'm just showing off now. haha.. I KNOW. haha

But its like.. its nice to look back at how far you've gone. Honestly, i mean. sis winnie looked back and its like, wow. She has had a pretty hard life. I can't imagine being ostracised by the entire class. I mean, its different from having no close frens. Its like a concious effort by others to bully and reject you. Not a subconcious thing.

Looking back in my primary sch life, I've had a great clique. Girls and boys clique. Rare in pri sch, but its POSSIBLE!!! In sec sch i was so low profile. and super sad when 2 of my best frens went to a different class in sec 3. I was very low profile in sec sch la. Super quiet in class, can get along with everybody. (cept' one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what) Like I've never been rejected by an entire class!! Cept' that one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what.

Its really sad to be ostracised I feel. I mean even if you've doen someting to deserve it. But still.... that's why i feel even more for sis winnie cos she couldn't have done anything wrong. She's so sweet natured la. So full of grace and love and humlity. Like... all she did was be a widow.

Its so hard to have no relations. I admit i worry many times if ppl can accept me. Sometimes even wonder if God can accept me. Or wonder if i'm ever gonna accept myself. But I'm thankful for those special few frens of mine who have stood by me and cheered me on. Scolded me. Helped me in moving on. I mean, maybe i haven't been the best fren. But THANK YOU for considering me a close fren. :)

THANK YOU GOD too. You're awesome. I'm missin' You.

NB: I wanna do so many things!!!!! Like watch movies. Not Ep III cos that's reserved for watching with my dad, but honestly. Some other show. And i really wanna go eat sushi buffet. And get clothes. haha. yea yea. materialistic boy. :(

Of country songs...

Even if you feel you've screwed up a million times, God can forgive you 2 million times. Even 10 million times over.

This line is just so powerful, and so reassuring. I think last sat's msg was excellent. Patrick isn't like JS, in that he doesn't make as many lame jokes, and he doesn't really like suddenly speak very VERY LOUDLY LIKE MOST PREACHERS DO ANd then suddenly speak normally again. But its just so annointed. I mean, he reminds me alot of that pastor who came during the month of one accord, Doug Lambert. So personal, so cosy during his sermons. And VERY annointed.

Annointing's really important. Today, i was watching how bro stanley leads worship. I mean... don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the other worship leaders are bad and are not annointed. Its just that i happened to notice that bro stanley doesn't sing absolutely new songs, and he still manages to bring the congre into a deeper realm. No big actions... just simple worship.. its like he's so engrossed in worshipping God. There are also a few others who also manage to bring us into a deeper realm of worship.

Of cos, true worship doesn't rely on how well the worship leader goes, or how well the songs are led. But its great worship dynamics to see the entire congregation swimming in the river of God, then just you alone.

Annointing.

How bout Sister Winnie? She's such a woman of grace. And she's just so like.. like.. she hides behind the cross know. Like brother oon (i rmb that sentence, that is utter rubbish from the pits of hell). I mean, soft spoken, but so powerful.

Annointing is important. The bible says the annointing breaks the yoke. haha.. by that sentence, i prob need alot of gazeellion annointings man. But I'm thankful that He has 2 gazeellions of annointings, or even 10. I need so much of God's grace.. haha.. cos i need to show ppl grace.

Anyways, i really love the countryside. Wish i could move there now. =( haha, if God's the owner of many cattle-filled fields, i wish He could spare me just one field. haha..

Love Ya God.

The Heatwave Entry

WOw.. its been so long since i've last blogged. I feel like blogging a really long one.

The weather recently is JUST ridiculous... its so stinking warm i was afraid to leave my room just now for fear of bursting into flames if i stepped out. BOOM. haha.. anyways, i can't believe this term's gonna end soon. its so quick.

I'm blogging after the youth rally btw, its bout 11.55 now. I am certain i had a few topics i've wanted to blog about all these while since my prev entry. how bout this random one i thought of one the spot. I dun want to try and write poems anymore, cos so much thought has to put in it.. now just something that sounds nice. I'm so not up to it.

AHHHHHH! after minutes of thinking, i rmb now. I wanted to say I really like Run of the House which, unfortunately has finished its run. I was watching One Treehill yesterday, and i think its a pretty ok show. haha.. i love the music they play tho.. Switchfoot's Dare You to Move, and Howie Day's Collide. Not forgetting the theme song was that song that Bo Bice sang.

The song was stuck in my head the entire day after i heard it on wed... when i finally got rid of it at night.. i heard it again during One Treehill. I just froze. Then went AWWWWW MAN. haa.. ok la. its quite a nice song.

Anyways... well. haha.. i'll leave a small portion of the song by Howie Day with you. Its a pretty cool song.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubts that fills your mind
You'll finally find you and I collide

-Collide, Howie Day