The one about life.

Life. Heh, its a funny thing. Its a weird thing.

So many things can happen in one's life.
a) you are living a life of death.
b) you are living a life, of life.
c) you are dying to live.
d) you are living to die.
e) you are dying to die.
f) you believe in life after death.
g) you believe in death.

And you get the idea.

Everyone leads different lives.
We have different responsibilities. Different outlooks to life, different troubles, and joys. We have different families, stresses. Different abilities to love life, and live life. Different aspirations and disappointments.
Everyone leads different lives.

BUT, everyone leads a life.
Everyone has responsibilities, an outlook to life. Everyone has troubles, and joys. We have families, and stresses. We have an ability to love life, and live life. We have aspirations and disappointments.
Everyone leads a life.

We aren't that different. We all have a destiny in Christ. We all have big destinies and plans that God wants us to fulfil. If only we wouldn't indulge ourselves, with ourselves.

Life
Is fleeting fast.
Man and Woman
knows too
much, too
little.

like a globe
of white
of specks
of smallness

life.

the finally one..

i'm listening to keating songs.

again.

I haven't listened to any music at all the past few week. Heh, and i'm just like. melting. I'm considering not listening to any other secular artiste anymore. HAHA, kidding, but just, well, the julianna theory and these other rock bands are getting to me. I'm starting to really want more of quiet reflective songs... THAN ones where the drums come right up to my ears and blow them silly, like dynamites tied to a railroad track in looneytunes cartoons. Ronan Keating and Steven Curtis Chapman are like my fav secular and contemporary christian, respectively, artistes. They are like the best. Ultimate.

They say the types of songs you listen to tell about who you are. So when your preference of songs changes, does that mean you change too? I've gotta admit i've changed so much. My priorities, the way i view life now, the way i view myself, the way i view others.

Honestly, i've typed and retyped this entry so many times now. Haha, it started out abit rubbishy, then started to get very sad, then reflective. Haha, Keating's working his magic. Haha, its a desire to be able to sing like these people, to have something that can touch the heart of Father, and to touch others.. I mean, i dun wanna be a replica of them. Just their talent. In someway. Heh..

SIGHS. there's so much i wanna say.. so, i'll have a compromise and do this from col's blog instead. haha

1 have you ever been late for school?
yes. 5 times by my stupid sch.

2 did you do any good deeds for the past 1month?
yea i guess. I bought myself a Justice League VCD that i really wanted. HAHA. kidding
But yea.. good deeds. prob.

3 how will you celebrate your birthday next year?
I just had my bday!! Next year? Hopefully my future bunk mates dun sabo me.

4 do you love chalets?
Depends on who. Btw, why is chalet spelt chalet and not sharlei?

5 describe you hair?
thick. black. wished i was a brunnete tho.

6 if you could have your hair dyed?
na, as much as i wld love to.

7 did you eat breakfast today?
Yea..

8 what will you do this year?
what kind of qns is this? this year's coming to an end. NEXT.

9 who was the last person you met?
my parents

10 love someone?
yea, alot of ppl.

11 hate someone?
no one's reach that level for me yet. i mean, there are some who i rather'd not be in the same room as but hey, i dun hate them.. that's too strong.

12 why do you think the zebra is black & white in colour?
wad kind of qns is this? haha, k. I'll ans. Cos God loves black and white.

13 what is your favourite colour?
Black and white. Note above ans. Thus i'm god. haha. KIDDING. IM SORRY GOD! k i like black white, lush green, dirty green, bluish grey.

14 what do you notice in the same sex?
i never notice what i notice. this qns is too vague.

15 what's the best dream you had?
FINALLY a beautious (HAHA) qns. I have lots of dreams that I love, but too many. haha.. one i liked was the x-men one i blogged about last time.

16 where did you go today?
no where,but i did go to sleep last night.

17 what colour is your computer?
white

18 is trust or love more important?
both. love is trust. how can you not have either..

19 if you could have a wish wat would u wish for?
i liked col's ans.. cos i wld have said the same.." for more wishes"

20 one sport you hate?
hate them all. I like swimming tho.. THO i can't swim.

21 when was the last time you cried?
one or 2 weeks back.

22 how is the weather now?
nice.. lazy afternoon

23 when is bedtime for you?
varies.

24 the best survey you did?
the once-a-month ones at evenin service!

25 the worst?
those whose results are random. cheatmy time.

26 how are you feeling now?
slightly peachy, slightly reflective.

27 how often do you visit the hairdresser?
i call him uncle, not hairdresser, but when i think my hair is long or thick. LIKE NOW.

28 how do you handle people who are proud?
expose their false humility either subtly or directly, yea i'm mean. bring me to court.

29 who made you smile today?
the boy in the mirror. HAHA. k. ronan keating and his music. :)

30 favourite place?
my room, my house, my kitchen ESP fridge, and erm.. bed. :))))))))))

The Day God Gave the World abit of trouble, the day i was born.

18 years ago today, i was born.

18 years and close to one day from when i was born, I'm rushing to write and entry before the day turns to 18th Sept.

I enjoyed today alot.. Last night, before my birthday came, i was wondering if God would take me home the minute before i turned 18. I mean, i've prayed a prayer many times when i was young; that i would die before i turned 18, so no NS. I was so scared God would take me home, i asked for forgiveness for the sins i've commited. haha..

OH KAY... i'm really trying to rush.

Anyways, a big thank you to everyone who wished me, early or late... btw, only 3 ppl were early/ontime/neartime. haha.. these are the bestest ppl in the world. hahahaha. no kidding. haha.. the rest who wished me are nice too k.

To angel,col, es foong, joel, john, joy (its in alphabetical order!) thank you so sososososoososos much for the posters and the cd. i was making a casual remark to myself that day, that i wanted to get posters for my room.. just a fleeting thot.. but hey, God heard it. And so you guys did too. Thank you so much.. its a beautiful gift. Thanks for the cake.. haha.. ernie. haha.. i like ernie. is that his name? i dunno. haha

To gab, thank you thank you for the card and the keychain.. its really nice. haha.. and thank you for rmbring it! haha.. i was counting on you to msg me la!on time! hahahaha.. kidding. but seriously thank you..

To everybody else.. thank you for spending time with me and forcing me to dance the para para thing, which thankfully i didn't. haha.. to joash, sheena, jason tan, declan, matthew, brian, fabian, sarah, charis.. thank you for the fun birthday!!

I HAVE 4 MORE MINUTES TILL 18TH!!!

Thank you those who wished me.. jessie all the way from aussie. haha.. sharon, qiuyi.. ADD YOUR NAME IF YOU WISHED ME or going to.. (muahahaha)... cos i got no time to type..

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU!!! you make me feel very blessed..

I've got to say this as an ending note.. its is with a tinge of sadness i enter my 18th year on earth.. cos i like the no. 17 alot, and i love being 17. But thank God we grow older.. haha

THANK YOU GOD!!! for loving me and givign me wad i asked for.. thanks for makign the edge service power. You're awesome.

A long time.

I guess its been a long time since ive blogged, and the =( and argh don't really count as a proper blog entry. Haha, in case you were wondering, you beautiful beautiful kind caring souls, i'm fine. haha, not the best, but i'm fine. =)

I guess its juss the stress test that's getting the best of des.
Its been a long time since i've actually done the things i've used to do, like listen to my collection of keating songs. Which is my destress-or, honestly. I was listening to one song that day and i realised when i listen to his songs, i feel cosy, in my living room, as if i'm in my warm blanket, drinking hot cocoa, during winter. I love that feeling. I miss thinking bout stuff.

Its really not a nice period of time. The stress of having no time, and have bad grades. Everyone seems cranky. Even i've changed so much in this past few months, more irritable, impatient. Easily angered. Partly becos of stress, partly becos i've allowed myself to change. Maybe to be accepted? To be respected? To fend off the stress that makes me seem weak? To stop the tears that follow whenever i'm stressed? I dunno.

But things have been changing in the past few days -- God's been reminding me to be nice.
That's not easy. Trust me. haha
With the people you meet.
Its like. OOOOOOH!! -FROWN-

Oh well, God be exalted.
Help me Daddy.

=) I'm Missin' You.

:(

ARGH.

confounded.

Isn't the modus operandi of a Certain Someone astounding?

The way He does things, just... throws you off your feet. His timing, the swiftness to act, or the way He waits, for the precise moment. He's amazing. I don't understand Him at all.

I just read a few blogs, and i'm really quite awed by His strange manner. The way He forms our friendships. The way He makes the impossible possible, so that our classmates will know He IS God.

I don't know how He works. I don't get His timings. I don't get why He allows things to happen that we don't like or understand. Why let Job go through all that he did. I don't get Him at all. Frankly, I think He is rather peculiar. I don't understand why He does things that, superficially, seem to harm us. But i guess that's becos He sees through the superficiality, and sees the eternal, and the potential.

And the better plan He has for us.

I don't understand Him, at all. But i do know He's ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts, higher than ours. I know He holds the future in His hands. I know He gives and takes away. I know He makes all things perfect in His time.

In His time in His time.
He makes all things beautiful
In His time

Lord please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your ways
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time

The Best Way

I say, the best way
is to leave it down.
Like lugagge in departure halls.

Flowing, stirring, moving
fast.

Round and round it
goes. Its always there.
It never leaves.

Cold hard box.
Serves many slaves.
Chained to it.

Round and round they
go. They are always there.
They never leave.

To leave it down is,
I say, the best way.

Of the ridiculous school.

I was talking to John, and i got inspiration to write a blog entry. Well, re-inspiration i guess.

You see, i know this particular sch, we'll name P for top-secret-suspense sake. And P has many students, Ptians. Well, recently, the P-of-P and the D-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e com, or the PD has been like... Pms-sing (i didn't realise its a P too.) for like months now.

Well, the secret codes are important and vital to them NOT finding my blog, and forcing me to be late 7 times, so they can expell me and say its really becos of my latecoming, and not my public complaint.

This would be my first point about P. See, P (meaning P-of-P and PD) is just just being ridiculous about latecoming. Honestly, even if you're late ONE SEC, you're still late and you'll be punished like you've been late ONE HOUR. Trust me, I know. (haha, i know cos of a really good fren i have. called D.)

Well, In P, if you're late, you'll be punished. Naturally, becos P doesn't like us to be late as we'll miss lessons. BUT, when you're late, you get detained a few hours, or the entire day. DEFEATING THE REASON WHY THEY'RE PUNISHING US IN THE FIRST PLACE. So then, should they punish themselves?

What's more ridiculous, is the expelling of Ptians who are late 7 times. They've done it. Not realising, they've destroyed someone's future.. I mean, P doesn't want Ptians to be late cos it will help them be punctual in their future vocations. But, by expelling Ptians of 7 latecomings (some of which might be one, 2 MIN late), they've destroyed a part of the Ptian's future. Where's he gonna go or do for the next few months?

Then let's talk about attire. P wants female Ptians to wear long skirts that make the school look outdated, despite it being a new school. (WOW, I've just dropped a big hint on the sch. haha I'm sure it'll be SLIGHTLY easier to guess. actually. don't guess.) The PD walk around catching Ptians, checking their shirts, or taking a RULER to RULE over Ptians. They measure female Ptian's skirts, without regard for different physical builds, like like thighs, high butt, short torso, NO KNEES. So as long as your skirt doesn't reach within the specified measurement, you're caught. And please. SOME SKIRTS ARE REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY SHORT. SOME OTHERS, AREN'T THAT SHORT, IT JUST LOOKS SHORT. Catch the right ones can?

Sighs, my friend D has been complaining about P.. His friends also complaining. In fact many Ptians are complaining about P. I just had to let it out somewhere, cos D's complaining is taking a big toll on me. haha..

P is ridiculous, so there.

Of malu-iation.

Sighs, i'm so malu-iated recently...

Haha, if you think posting a msg you want to take back from a tag board malu-aiting, (QH, haha, do you want me to remove your tag since its over?) i've sent out msges to ppl i wanna take back right now.

Jus a few days ago, as i was getting down the bus 160, i bumped my head on the door-post, or the part of the bus with the ALIGHTING sign.. I went like OUCH, before getting off the bus. Now, trust me on this. I'm sure no one was tinking, "WOW, he's so tall (k, i'm not that tall) that he hit the top of the bus.." I bet they were like "IDOIT!!!"

On friday, we had some stupid talk. Then we had q and a. My teacher was giving us a few questions to ask. My teacher was saying before the q and a that if i went up i would only be smiling sillily without saying a thing. Sighs, anyways, he was giving this guy a question to ask, and he refused, becos he's smart. My teacher was so passionate about the question, my fren said someone should really ask it.. And being the smart alec i was, i volunteered myself.I wanted to prove to my teacher i wouldn't just go up there and smile. Plus, i thought, if i'm gonna be a pastor, its gotta start somewhere huh?

Well, i did prove my teacher wrong. I didn't just go up there and smile. I went up there, smiled, stuttered, shivered, and erm and er and erm and er myself to ultimate maluiation. The moment i went up there i'm like. SHOOT. And the moment i heard the mumurring a million thoughts went through my head.

"OH NO. Mr Koh's gonna say this is horrible."
"OH MAN. The entire school is laughing at me."
"OH CRAP. The entire board of teachers are saying I'm hopeless"
"OH NO!!!! I'm destroying the sch reputation." (Now, i'm more worried bout mine.. whatever's left at least"

SIGHZZZZZZZ... I'm so humiliated. I shouldn't have gone forwardddddddd. I wana go into hiding for a few mths..

Of billiard tables and concrete slabs.

And yes, also off sore fingers, and a sore back.

This morning, I woke up dreadfully early to go and carry, in my impression, wood. Of cos, we reached and i got an awful shock to see, 10 concrete slabs. Oh, at first glance, the slabs look light enough. I mean, they look like light, heavy slabs. At most 4 ppl carrying one slab. BOY was I Wrong. Like 10 ppl carrying one slab, huffing and puffing till the house comes down.

It was so heavy la. And I think, haha, I didn't really do much. I'm pretty weak.. Probably the weakest among all the 10.

We were all injured, someway or another.. feet steping on toenails, on other feet. Bruises, bad backs.. Haha, my ego was certainly injured a great deal at being so weak, and haha, for leaving my sweaty palm prints very clearly on the slabs. All 10.

When we were stacking the slabs on top of one another, i happened to misjudge my holding space. And the slab was slaPPed down (bad pun. i know.) on my fingers. Haha, being the gung ho guy, act cool. I really thought I could just slide it out. After all, most of the time with other stuff you can. But after awhile, like 3 secs, (haha.. i dunno. anyhow say a time. ) i couldn't pull my fingers out and the pain was setting in i went. ARGH!! Sounded like a shortened version of my ARGH in youthcamp last year.

Everyone seemed to stop, at least to me, and they lifted it up, freeing my fingers. And someone went DES!!!!

I was really shocked at that Someone's reaction. He seemed so angry for that moment. Haha, but i like him. He's a really nice uncle la. And I know he was so upset with me cos i never listen and watch my fingers. In that split moment i thought of God.

I wondered, could it be that He too gets really angry with me when I fall down and hurt myself. Perhaps He's angry cos, He doesn't want me to get hurt, and He warned me and I didn't listen. Or was too careless. Of cos, after a few moments of thinking, I realised God wouldn't be angry with me. Probably just really really disaapointed.

My finger tips are abit sore now still. Haha, its like kiap-ping your fingers with something really kiap-pish. Haha, but i caught a glimpse of who God is, and the intensity of His worry when we choose to disobey.

But i wouldn't want it again. haha, i dun wanna kiap my fingers. I told declan that i thought the night before that the stuff would fall on me and i would wake up in a coma and lose the use of my legs. Haha, so scarrrrreeeee.

Oh well. Billiard table. AHhhhhhhhhh.

Of tang yuan and His blessings.

Yea, post was too long. I cut it shorrrrrt. sad. haha.. yea. we went to eat at bukit timah. haha.. ate tang yuan..

Its like. SOOOOO yummy. I love tang yuan. Anyways, the owners, they're such nice people. Really nice, friendly owners. Esther told us later they were christians, so gabriel was right. But really. They are like... truly victorious, cheerful christians.. What we should be living like, as Children of God.

What really struck me most, what gave me inspiration to blogggg (say the last 3 words like nobility would. haha) was what this tang yuan auntie said. If God blesses you, who can take it away? When God opens a door, who can close it?

I feel so relieved hearing that from an all-smiles auntie. Really. I sort of trust her cos she exudes this presence that says without speaking "I know my God will never fail me." And i rest in that fact that God's gonna put me whereever He wants me to be, and i'll not like die or not make it. Even if i dun, its probably God's will and its comforting. Haha.. esp at this time when i just finished my midyears. haha

I rest in the shelter of Your love
I rest in the wonder of Your grace
I rest in the shelter of You love
I rest in the shelter of You
-Rest, Skillet.

Haha, i like this song.. anyone has it send me plssss! Yes, at least tonight. I'm gonna rest. haha.. like now.

Of His great love.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I rmb there was one day where the pastor said just think of one verse and hold on to that. At the moment none of the really few memory verses came to me. I could summon none to my mind, none except John 3:16. The verse I've rmbed since young. That wasn't a new-believer's verse, as i've always thought it to be, at that moment. It was a verse of His Great Love.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures and
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

There's twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
-24, Switchfoot.

Your grace is sufficient.

I chanced upon someone's blog. She ended with In God I Trust. That's so encouraging. Its like a rehma word at the right moment. I'll add on to the phrase.

In God I'll trust, and I'll hope.

Of quiet nights and many thoughts.

Sighs, haha.. i'm just in a really quiet mood today, wth switchfoot playing at the back. Haha, trust me, while they're good, and probably more appealing to most, i am so tempted to let ronan do his magic and adding to my reflective mood.

OH KAY. haha.. i made my arrangements, keating is playing for the house now. haha..

Yea, my previous entry was so like. haha.. angry la. But i'm over it la. I mean, yea. haha.. forgiveness. I should check myself first right. Haha, as bro andrew said, personal responsiblity.

Our life is somehow, always about relationships. True? Between our parents, between our friends, enemies, the people we meet in our day-to-day living. ie, kopitiam owners, hawkers, bus drivers, the person who sits beside us in Mac's. Of cos, the most important is the relationship with God.

We can have many friends but no close ones, or a few close friends, but little friends outside of that social circle. I feel one of the saddest people are the former people. Its like a "jack of all trades but master of none," or, biblically, "what good is it for a man to gain the world..." heheh out of context but it just reminds me of that. I've seen people with no close frens at all. And they're trying so hard to be accepted. just moving from clique to clique to clique. that's scary. its sad. But to be lonely is so scary.

and yes, this is the part where i wanna say i'm thankful to God, for sending His Holy Spirit (HS) to be beside me always.

Haha, sometimes i feel la, its so easy to make things sound nice by treading together line after line of words. but without conviction, the words jus become, quite meaningless. That's my worse nightmare. That my words become so sweet and nice, but carry no weight and true gold that survives the test of fire. (HAHA, isn't this paragraph so descriptive??)

Oh well.. conviction is important. haha..

Of unfairness.

Ok, I'm like feeling totally betrayed. Yea, prob betrayed would be too strong a word.. but i mean, for a certain someone to be angry with me when i'm the one who's been wrongED.. and for that someone to release his/her own guilt by being and having a cold war with me........ that's just so unfair.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGH.

You know wad, i'm gonna complain bout stoooopid ppl who can't WAIT their turn to get into MRT carriages. How i wish i could take a loudhailer and scream into their faces -- PASSENGERS ALIGHT FIRST YOU CREEPS!!!!!

To whoever bothers to read this, pls, when the trains packed like library books in a shelf, let passengers alight first.

Its so ridiculous. Honest. ARGHHHH.

Talking about library books, i got chased away and stopped from studying today. Cos, i exceded study time.

It's so ridiculous. Honest. ARGhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. haha.. I finished my ranting. Sighs. I'm so irritated. Really.. and i really feel that its so unfair that i'm being treated as if i'm at fault when i'm not. And i'm feeling worst that the someone is treating me that way, cos he/she is the one at MORE fault. (Not that i'm saying i'm at lesser fault. I dun even think anyone's at fault. But relatively speaking, to do whatever that someone did, is pretty much a fault.)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The redemption was prayer meeting which was pretty fun. Yes, i know, so superficial right. Hypocritical to be talking about prayer being good and like ranting like i am. Sighs. I'm not angry with that person. Just super cheesed off at the reason he/she is angry with me, and even more angry that he/she is making me seem like the culprit.

argh. Dear God, teach me how to love.
FAST. haha..

LIFE!!! :p

Of my strange neighbour.

Just awhile ago, coming back from the David Allbritton thing, i walked past my neighbour's house. Anyways, this is the one neighbour on my level that is really. Well. Weird. Haha.. When she first moved in, she kept standing at the door, scolding vulgarities. Especially when we looked into her house.. k.

Something struck me as i walked past her house. It was the possibility that she really needed some love. And slowly, she's beggining to see it. I rmb this year, when i walked past her house, i got a shock becos she was standing at the door, inside. Then she suddenly moved and opened the gate. I jumped back in shock. Haha, yes, she's still standing at the door, but thankfully, no longer scolding vulgarities. She actually apologized to me, and there was true sincerity i felt. "Oh sorry!! Sorry sorry.."

Even the fiercest-looking and meanest person on earth needs love. God's love.

I did street evangelism today.. with the rest. Haha, i don't know what to say about it. Haha, just strange to think that I want to be a pastor next time and.......... haha.. yea. Well.. it was definitely fun. Definitely humbling. And definitely something that you need God's help in. Not something you can do on your own. But i guess one truth keeps me going. haha.. will keep me going...

... the world searches for a love that would fill their souls. that when found, will change them inside out. God's love...

Thank God for that lady that was like partially or fully blind? The one singing her songs, beautifully i must say. She made me realise that, my failures and weaknesses shouldn't daunter me. Esther says she might be a christian. That encouraged me even more. That God watches over us.. He'll make sure we make it in the end, if we let him.

Thanks God. You rock. :)

Of shows that require to face your fears/hates/dislikes.

Over the past week, i've had to rely on TV to be my companion. *Heh.. who's complaining?!? definitely not me*. Of cos, i've watched things like Eye For A Guy.. (hey, i'm sorry we don't have a better bachelorette too you know)... Lost (seems pretty nice) ... Inuyasha (YEA!!!!!!!!!!).. and much much more. Of cos, i did little studying. I mean. sighs. the more you watch, the more you think.. that.. there's just so much more to life than studying. and doing well and getting a good job and being all the world wants you to be. K. I'm not going into that. Mr Boey Kim Cheng has already done enough of that for us. TO us. hahah..

Of cos, i was watching One Tree Hill that day. Its a show i watch on and off. Its abit slow moving.. but its really alot about relationships. And of cos struggles of a young adult. The episode i watched on thur really got me into blogging mood. But well.. i can't rmb why in the end i'm only blogging now. Anyways, that ep showed the characters struggling to be who the world wanted to be.. struggling to face up to their fears and they're feelings. The world is crazy. honestly. they expect you to do something. and when you do. they can't accept that you did. Anyways, yea. facing up to your fears is just. well. not actually as bad as facing up to the reasons why you're hurt, or you hurt others.

I mean, everyone has been hurt before. Guess what makes the distinction between a strong person and a not-so-strong one is whether or not, they can face up to their own flaws, to the reasons why ppl have hurt them. Its not easy, facing up to it. I mean, it means, above and beyond the hurt of rejection/betrayal/wadeva (THE RESULT), you also have to face the start of THE RESULT.. which MAY be becos of you. The MAY part is just. well. scary. You never know. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable.

Perhaps this is the kind of facing up, that Caleb had to do. To first, admit the strength of his enemy i.e his own inability. Then to admit and acknowledge and proclaim that God makes up for His lack. And of cos, that Lao-Da up there is much stronger than anyone else. Faith in God removes the uncertainty that makes people uncomfy.. and replaces it with hope.

Perhaps i need to hope again.
And say, "Give me my mountain."

Of cos.. one big mountain now is studying. yuck.

BTW, i just wanted to say that i have really fallen in love with Inuyasha, and yes. Justice League. Haha, Batman saved the JL's butts like.. twice this week. That's like twice out of 3 missions. BATMAN rocks.

dude.
:)

Of Pet Peeves.

K. Haha, i just deleted my entire entry on pet peeves and people who generalise; aka MCPS, Feminists, Racists, Size-ists (heh heh, gab col and es should rmb this haha).

Haha, i don't know wad to type ready know. Totally lost. Haha, its like i've hit a permanent blogger's dry. Walking and wandering in the desert now. I want desSert.

Have I ever said i really like batman? Haha, maybe i haven't, or maybe i've said i didn't like him. Haha, i take that back. I was watching Justice League, and Batman that day, and i realised he really is my favourite hero. Haha, i mean, perhaps its all the brainwashing from my aunty who used to give me lots of batman toys EVERY CHRISTMAS, but i really like batman.

I mean, he's like the guy i wanna be. Haha, I mean, I would really really really REALLY like a castle, with a hidden lair, cool gadgets, and a really nice car. AND AND AND, be ridiculously rich.

Haha, those were my childhood dreams. Haha, but more importantly, i realised recently why i really like him. Cos he's the most human superhero. The most real of these fantasy characters. I mean, he has NO powers. NADA. ZILCH. NO powers whatsoever. But the Justice League has needed him to save their butts so many times ready. I mean, its his brains that are super man....... k. haha.. i realised the pun. haha.. "super man". haha.. and yes. yes. i admit. I really want the batmobil too. haha.. isn't it such a babe??

Sighs. If only i was rich, and batman. And i got my driving's license. haha.. BATMAN rocks.

The One with the deaf guy.

You know what? I've been blogging and blogging recently! Holidays i tink.. gets you all into the retrospective, introspective, extrospective, manyspective mood. Of cos, ronan keating helps alot. Haha, joking la. I mean, things like hanging out, being quiet. Being irritating. having services. Did you guys know, you can just click on the blogger bar, the icon that says "blogthis" and voila! Easy blogging.

K. Fighting the ZzZz monster. He's very smart, attack my eyelids first.

Anyways, on sat, i had dinner with the guys at BK after edge. So this deaf dude comes over, and he places this small collarpin kinda thing ard, with a slip of paper that explains everything. You know wad, i didn't buy it from him. I mean, i wanted to. Honest. But somehow, i just kept thinking of how i'm gonna live this month. OH no money for food. OH no money for this crap and that nonsense. Then I wondered if i could just like tell him, i dun want the thing, but i'll give you 2 bucks. 2 bucks i can part with. but my friend says it would be insulting to the dude.

It got me thinking la. I mean, i gotta admit. I'm not some really really good noble guy. I'm far from that. And that's not being modest. I mean, i've been thinking about it the past few days before sat - how do i judge whether to help someone? Do i fear to help someone becos he looks weird, or do i fear to help someone becos i fear my own lack. The deaf dude, we shall call Mr Dude, wasn't weird-looking. He looked normal. Whether he was a quack or not i don't know. But it doesn't matter i realised. Like, I think i have no compassion.

Would i have shunned Jesus, when He was on the way to Golgotta, or however you spell it? To the hill of Calvary, when He's all scarred and bleeding? And meat's just hanging from His back, and head and face? Would i have hesitated to give him a drink. I really can't answer. I realised, in someway or another, i've fallen into my own world of self-pity. As if, ALL the world goes through bliss but me. Mr Dude's condition really shook me up from my state of rest and complacency. I mean, ppl struggle to live day-by-day. They put aside their own shame cos that's how desperate they are to live. Its so humbling to be telling others your weakness (his deafness), and expecting them to patronise you. To refuse pity as a form of love, but to seek and desire respect for who he is as a form of affirmation of his capabilities.

Sometimes, we live too long in our own worlds. Sometimes, perhaps we indulge our own selfpity, bitterness and hurt. Sometimes, perhaps, maybe, we think the world must conform to us. We forget we're no better or worst from anyone else living on this earth. Cos God's no respecter of persons.

I'm struggling. No kidding. It so difficult to forget, more difficult to forgive. Worst still, to love again. Everytime you resolute to forgive, the enxt tiem you see them, something else they does irritates you soooooo much. Its a constant thing - to forgive and love. I admit i need God. I admit i'm weak. I admit. I. AM. NOTHING.

The One where I can't understand.

I don't understand people. Many people don't make sense. Some just don't make sense no matter how hard they try. Other can't be bothered. They don't even try to make sense. They just come, drop a bombshell on you. Expecting you to go with the flow. They have no psyco-motor skills. Or rather, hearto-motor skills. Do one thing but mean another. Worst - some have no motor-motor skills.

INTERMISSION.

Like, yesterday, I could only understand after the intermission. So after the above-mentioned intermission, i'm certain you will understand.

You see, i went for a play yesterday. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Of cos, i didn't understand the first half of the play. Killing my brain cells trying to decode the shakespearean english into normal english. Of cos, by the time i was finished with one sentence, i missed 3 other sentences. But the INTERMISSION saved all.

After the INTERMISSION, everything flowed better. I bet those who watched with me agree. Somehow, we seemed to understand the plot more, as a whole. And understood what the characters were saying.

It was a cool night. Mr Woolhead was so funny. He's my favourite teacher man... ARH.. R and G. I sure hope someone puts up a play of that. haha.. I wouldn't mind watching.

Just like the court jester yesterday, Festes I think his name was.
Sometimes, it takes a fool to survive in this world that's wise beyond its capacity.

The One with the Test TEST test.

[ Gone. Like yesterday is gone ]
I really hope this turns out the way i expect it to. Trying this blog this thing. haha.. If its gonna turn out the way i want, its gonna be so much easier. Tmr's GP. OH MAN. God help us. Help me. haha.. HELP!!!

By the way, col and hannah, yea. I wanted to put up the countdown thing, but i'm just too lazy to update everything and all. haha.. Sloth.

I miss J1. Silly. But i do miss it. I miss TGOST esp... TGOST. The horror book. The shocking plot. The scandal. The exam. I like TGOST alot. The god of small things, by Arundhati Roy btw. Its so. well. thought provoking. I mean, Jane Eyre doesn't do that. So does Drac. I love Dracula alot too actually. I think its a pretty cool story. Cliche, but nice. Jane Eyre, is well. A more. ROMANCE. I rmb i did blog once that i've fallen in love with Jane Eyre. Under the influence of alcohol I tink. haha.. kidding. I love my J1 lit texts.. jane, rahel, and mina. st john rivers, estha, and jonathan harker. OOooh...