The When entry.
When strength wears thin
And hope wears out
When warmth is lie
And love is fib
Are You there?
When tears run down
And joy runs far
When real turns pretence
And friend turns cold
Are You there?
When touch brings hurt
And promises bring nought;
When cries are unheard
And knees are bruised
Are You there?
My joy is strength
My peace, your hope
My love is full;
Its all for you
I am here.
I keep your tears;
Restoreth joy
I wear no mask;
All love am I
I am here.
I gently touch
With faithfulness
I listen always;
Making whole
I am here.
And I am God.
Sunday, 30 May 2004
Friday, 21 May 2004
The What For? Entry
What for? Tell him my problems? What makes you tink he's gonna be bothered? He's too busy. Too high up there for my problems. No one cares how i feel anyway. I dun see the no reason why i have to share my hurting with him, my pain with him. I'll just don't bother bout these hurts and pains. If i dun bother it won't hurt me what. After all, I know myself better than he does. Is he trying to mock my 'small-ness' by bothering with me even tho he's so much better than me? Who does he tink he is?
He is only God.
Sounds familiar? You know, everyone has their down periods. But what makes the difference between us Christians and the world is that we have God. And shld we become indignant and just take up a heck care attitude.. that in someway hints that, well, tho this might be painful to say, we've taken God from His rightful first place. Somehow, we let our own strength, or maybe our own hurts take the throne.
I gotta admit tho, its really easy to just say, "Hey, know what? I dun care. Do you? Cos i dun." And i know its easy for me to say that well, God's gonna be there. But that is the simple truth. God IS gonna be there. And if we honnour Him with the simple act of just trusting Him and casting our cares on Him.. He's gonna honnour us back.
I'm guilty of hecking too. But i've come to realise that God's there for a reason. And He's more than willing. He's up there for a reason. So He can be with us and together we can come down, literally, on the prob.
Be blessed. =)
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of His blood
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength My source of hope
Is Christ alone
My source of strength My source of hope
Is Christ alone
What for? Tell him my problems? What makes you tink he's gonna be bothered? He's too busy. Too high up there for my problems. No one cares how i feel anyway. I dun see the no reason why i have to share my hurting with him, my pain with him. I'll just don't bother bout these hurts and pains. If i dun bother it won't hurt me what. After all, I know myself better than he does. Is he trying to mock my 'small-ness' by bothering with me even tho he's so much better than me? Who does he tink he is?
He is only God.
Sounds familiar? You know, everyone has their down periods. But what makes the difference between us Christians and the world is that we have God. And shld we become indignant and just take up a heck care attitude.. that in someway hints that, well, tho this might be painful to say, we've taken God from His rightful first place. Somehow, we let our own strength, or maybe our own hurts take the throne.
I gotta admit tho, its really easy to just say, "Hey, know what? I dun care. Do you? Cos i dun." And i know its easy for me to say that well, God's gonna be there. But that is the simple truth. God IS gonna be there. And if we honnour Him with the simple act of just trusting Him and casting our cares on Him.. He's gonna honnour us back.
I'm guilty of hecking too. But i've come to realise that God's there for a reason. And He's more than willing. He's up there for a reason. So He can be with us and together we can come down, literally, on the prob.
Be blessed. =)
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of His blood
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength My source of hope
Is Christ alone
My source of strength My source of hope
Is Christ alone
Sunday, 16 May 2004
A treasure chest. Without treasure.
A clay vessel. Without water.
An apple. Without meat.
An apple without meat. Becoming more and more dehydrated.
A perfume bottle. Without fragrance.
A life. Without Christ.
Empty. Empty. Empty.
So much for promises. So much for anything at all. So much for professed love. So much for ideal worship.
All emptiness. Empitiness.
Forgotten.
Forgot the look.
Forgot the voice.
Forgot the touch.
Forgot the tiles.
Forgot my way.
Forgot.
Please don't forget me. I have nothing left. Dun forget me please.
A clay vessel. Without water.
An apple. Without meat.
An apple without meat. Becoming more and more dehydrated.
A perfume bottle. Without fragrance.
A life. Without Christ.
Empty. Empty. Empty.
So much for promises. So much for anything at all. So much for professed love. So much for ideal worship.
All emptiness. Empitiness.
Forgotten.
Forgot the look.
Forgot the voice.
Forgot the touch.
Forgot the tiles.
Forgot my way.
Forgot.
Please don't forget me. I have nothing left. Dun forget me please.
Tuesday, 4 May 2004
The He's good always Entry. [ I actually wrote this on sat night. But too afraid to show it.]
I just read some of my old entries. I try to be as detailed as possible, writing down silly things in my blog, like esther and elvin wld rmb in my et journal, because sometimes the small things make you rmb more.
Rmb the time, esther tan, where we were at bro evangelino's house? And the words God gave you? And the chicks? And the mother hen? Rmb every morning when i woke up and opened the door and saw you opening yours? And just feel so at ease when i saw you? The xia xiang ju? Rmb after we came back? Rmb how i sometimes said weird stuff to you?
Rmb the time elvin,my da ge if you ever read, i cried in the room for no apparent reason? Rmb the time i sat in the plane alone on the way back to sg, and then you came over.. and i said," da ge?" And you said," Hmmm..?" And i never replied. Rmb the time when i was whining about the cockroaches. Rmb the toilet door in our room in bro Israel's house that had no knob? Rmb the bowl and the branch? Rmb all my smses at weird times of the day or nite? Rmb you said wad my psalm was? When we talked a real long talk that sunday? Rmb how i started calling you da ge and why i treat you as my da ge?
Rmb you both the times we washed the dishes? The times we played with mattias who bit us? The times we played with muffy and fluffy, "Sai!" ? Rmb the cleaning of the pick-up truck? Rmb carrying all the boxes and sis lily being so super zai?
Rmb sis lily, if you ever read, you dropped a tear at our debrief time? Rmb you just looking at us when we were writing our journals? Rmb rushing from plane to plane carrying all the heavy stuff? Rmb the time i and elvin held up your hands at bro evangelino's home? Rmb when sometimes i must have disappointed you so much?
Rmb how all of you took care of this siao di di? I did. Still do. I love you.
Rmb dear parents tho i know you wldn't read, all the times you spent on me? the scoldings, the love, the pain, the hurt, the joy, the seemingly unworried times like when i got my results in PSLE and Os? Rmb the times you boasted of me to others? Rmb the times i held you guys and cried? Both respectively diff times? Rmb Daddy, the time i held you so tight and cried. And cried. And cried. I love you. I love you both.
Rmb eric if you ever read, the time qy, elvin and you met me at westmall? I looked at the table today and felt abit like crying. Rmb the times you opened your house to let me and joe study? Rmb the times at camps where we roomed together? Rmb this one time during camp you sat in front of me long after everyone had gone for lunch, and i just sat with my mucus all over, and i didn't say anything? And i just walked to the toilet and came back? And said something that God had already told you? And the 'unconventional' thing at youth camp? Rmb what i told you that sunday?
Rmb esther foong if you ever read, when i was over at your place studying with jessie, and i did your blog? Rmb all the times we just crapped? Rmb the times when at morning prayer? Rmb what God always told us? Rmb the silly things we do? Rmb the word frontier? Rmb the visions?
Rmb joel and john if you guys ever read, we had our P3 mission and got stuck? Rmb how we tried to find who zeerick was? Rmb all the times we stuck together? Rmb all the photos? Rmb how we never understood one another cause our personalities clash so badly? but we still are good frens now?
Rmb qiuyi, if you ever read, all the times you talked to me? Rmb telling me something at Long John's? Rmb how when i first got ICQ the 3 of us always chatted late into the night?? Rmb how you guys helped me with the stupid scar that i had in me that i struggled so long with? Rmb how you said something to me that totally turned me ard from that day on? Something about magnifying? And i made the decision to turn ard totally?
I rmbed. And i love you.
Rmb all you guys, many of you i haven't named too. I dun have the capabilities to write all down here. But i rmb. And i love you.
Rmb God? All the effort You've put in for me? Rmb how you brought funny ppl in my life who walked out ? And i never understood. Not at all till now. And now i can see You long had greater plans for me..so much better ppl in my life for me now. Rmb the words You've spoken over me? You rmb the times i cried before you? Rmb the time where for like.. MY WORD. I just rmb. Labour Day last year was the times i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks non-stop. The same day i grew closer to most of the ppl i mentioned above. Rmb the times I just said I need You so much? The times i woke up at weird times of the nite and just ran to You? The times i was so afraid of stupid things and You were there? Like when i went to East timor. In the plane to bali? Rmb God? Rmb all the so many more things? Rmb when i hugged my pillow and said I wanted to hug You? Rmb when i asked You if you could give me a hug physically, and You showed me somehow You could? Rmb how You reminded me of Your great love?
I did. I did God. Maybe not as well as You. But God i pray i will always rmb and be grateful. I love You.
It was a long entry. And I'm in tears. I rmb the love. I cannot name all. But i love you guys. And i love God, and i know so many times i hurt Him. I take a knife and poke His palms with it. But He never left me, never gave up. All His thots toward me are good. I'm so touched God. By the love you've given me. Even thru giving me all these ppl. I love You. Give me grace to love You more and more each day.
Amen.
[ Added today: Guess at such a time where so many of us are down and out.. I wanna say I love you guys. God loves you guys. Even if He leads you into a place or situation you dun understd at all.. Rmb that His word is a lamp to our feet and He will NEVER NEVER NEVER give up on us.]
I just read some of my old entries. I try to be as detailed as possible, writing down silly things in my blog, like esther and elvin wld rmb in my et journal, because sometimes the small things make you rmb more.
Rmb the time, esther tan, where we were at bro evangelino's house? And the words God gave you? And the chicks? And the mother hen? Rmb every morning when i woke up and opened the door and saw you opening yours? And just feel so at ease when i saw you? The xia xiang ju? Rmb after we came back? Rmb how i sometimes said weird stuff to you?
Rmb the time elvin,my da ge if you ever read, i cried in the room for no apparent reason? Rmb the time i sat in the plane alone on the way back to sg, and then you came over.. and i said," da ge?" And you said," Hmmm..?" And i never replied. Rmb the time when i was whining about the cockroaches. Rmb the toilet door in our room in bro Israel's house that had no knob? Rmb the bowl and the branch? Rmb all my smses at weird times of the day or nite? Rmb you said wad my psalm was? When we talked a real long talk that sunday? Rmb how i started calling you da ge and why i treat you as my da ge?
Rmb you both the times we washed the dishes? The times we played with mattias who bit us? The times we played with muffy and fluffy, "Sai!" ? Rmb the cleaning of the pick-up truck? Rmb carrying all the boxes and sis lily being so super zai?
Rmb sis lily, if you ever read, you dropped a tear at our debrief time? Rmb you just looking at us when we were writing our journals? Rmb rushing from plane to plane carrying all the heavy stuff? Rmb the time i and elvin held up your hands at bro evangelino's home? Rmb when sometimes i must have disappointed you so much?
Rmb how all of you took care of this siao di di? I did. Still do. I love you.
Rmb dear parents tho i know you wldn't read, all the times you spent on me? the scoldings, the love, the pain, the hurt, the joy, the seemingly unworried times like when i got my results in PSLE and Os? Rmb the times you boasted of me to others? Rmb the times i held you guys and cried? Both respectively diff times? Rmb Daddy, the time i held you so tight and cried. And cried. And cried. I love you. I love you both.
Rmb eric if you ever read, the time qy, elvin and you met me at westmall? I looked at the table today and felt abit like crying. Rmb the times you opened your house to let me and joe study? Rmb the times at camps where we roomed together? Rmb this one time during camp you sat in front of me long after everyone had gone for lunch, and i just sat with my mucus all over, and i didn't say anything? And i just walked to the toilet and came back? And said something that God had already told you? And the 'unconventional' thing at youth camp? Rmb what i told you that sunday?
Rmb esther foong if you ever read, when i was over at your place studying with jessie, and i did your blog? Rmb all the times we just crapped? Rmb the times when at morning prayer? Rmb what God always told us? Rmb the silly things we do? Rmb the word frontier? Rmb the visions?
Rmb joel and john if you guys ever read, we had our P3 mission and got stuck? Rmb how we tried to find who zeerick was? Rmb all the times we stuck together? Rmb all the photos? Rmb how we never understood one another cause our personalities clash so badly? but we still are good frens now?
Rmb qiuyi, if you ever read, all the times you talked to me? Rmb telling me something at Long John's? Rmb how when i first got ICQ the 3 of us always chatted late into the night?? Rmb how you guys helped me with the stupid scar that i had in me that i struggled so long with? Rmb how you said something to me that totally turned me ard from that day on? Something about magnifying? And i made the decision to turn ard totally?
I rmbed. And i love you.
Rmb all you guys, many of you i haven't named too. I dun have the capabilities to write all down here. But i rmb. And i love you.
Rmb God? All the effort You've put in for me? Rmb how you brought funny ppl in my life who walked out ? And i never understood. Not at all till now. And now i can see You long had greater plans for me..so much better ppl in my life for me now. Rmb the words You've spoken over me? You rmb the times i cried before you? Rmb the time where for like.. MY WORD. I just rmb. Labour Day last year was the times i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks non-stop. The same day i grew closer to most of the ppl i mentioned above. Rmb the times I just said I need You so much? The times i woke up at weird times of the nite and just ran to You? The times i was so afraid of stupid things and You were there? Like when i went to East timor. In the plane to bali? Rmb God? Rmb all the so many more things? Rmb when i hugged my pillow and said I wanted to hug You? Rmb when i asked You if you could give me a hug physically, and You showed me somehow You could? Rmb how You reminded me of Your great love?
I did. I did God. Maybe not as well as You. But God i pray i will always rmb and be grateful. I love You.
It was a long entry. And I'm in tears. I rmb the love. I cannot name all. But i love you guys. And i love God, and i know so many times i hurt Him. I take a knife and poke His palms with it. But He never left me, never gave up. All His thots toward me are good. I'm so touched God. By the love you've given me. Even thru giving me all these ppl. I love You. Give me grace to love You more and more each day.
Amen.
[ Added today: Guess at such a time where so many of us are down and out.. I wanna say I love you guys. God loves you guys. Even if He leads you into a place or situation you dun understd at all.. Rmb that His word is a lamp to our feet and He will NEVER NEVER NEVER give up on us.]
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