The title-less entry.

I don't know what i'll blog today.In less than 10 hours, my first promos paper will start. I will be sitting at my seat, smiling, looking confident, pens out, pencil poised. But i'm trembling now. I'm hardly prepared. I've told my friends, no sweat, told them not to panick, just relax. But me, i'm unnerved.

Yah. I'm calm. Sure I am. Deep deep down there's a strange peace. A peace I know i don't deserve. Yet the moment i lift myself off that Peace, and look at where i'm standing, i tremble. I fear.

Haha, a song comes to mind now. I've just listened to another great one a dear sister sent.. I don't know how i'll do. But, somehow, i wanna let God decide for me. I realised one thing the past few days, that i love Him. But how much i don't know. Thankfully, i know how much He loves me.


He was there, He was there
During history's darkest hour
He was there, He was there always
He was the Victor and the King
He was the power in David's swing
He was the calm in Abraham
He is the God who understands
He is the strength when we have none
He is the living, Holy one
He was, He is and He will always be
the Risen Lamb of God
-- Avalon, You were there [Adapted.. haha]

The Inflatable Ride Entry.

Today we had the carnival thing at our region. I was supposed to help with the SMS game thing, but before it started at 2.30 (it never did btw, cos no one signed up), i helped out abit with the inflatable ride. $1.00 for 3 mins.

I would be really screwed should i say, i didn't really time the kids and let some play for 5 to 7 mins, and someone tells on me. But something happened today that just blessed my heart so much. So much. And made me so ashamed.

I was manning the ride when this rough looking guy with his young kid came over. Kid couldn't have been more than 1 or 2 years old came over and stood in front of the ride. Argh... He asked the other guy manning the ride with me where to get coupons. At that moment i freaked out abit. I was worried he would cos trouble and i wouldn't be able to handle it. Like maybe make sure his kid got only the best and that he would get a good deal. I was so afraid.

Then his wife came over and passed my partner $1 and the guy let his kid on the ride. The kid wouldn't play; he was too young. And then i realised his wife had a speech disability of sorts, maybe even dumb. And my heart broke. My own fears, my own judgemental crap, my pride made me misjudge such a awesome and mild-mannered couple.

He told his wife the kid wouldn't play, and the wife had a sorta stressed look, and gestured that she already paid a few seconds ago. And he just turned back to the child, not out of irritation or disrespect, and tried to hoax the child into playing. They looked like the were about ot leave, and would have wasted $1, which i guess would mean alot to them. And i took out my own set of coupons, ready to refund them if they went off, not becos of my guilt, altho i was guilty, but becos their sweetness in spirit just blessed me so much.

I thought to myself, why would the guy even marry his handicapped wife? I mean, he wasn't handicapped, rough looking, but somehow good-looking also. Why marry a woman like her? I dunno the reason. Whatever it was, God had good plans. I dunno if they are Christians, or part of our church. But they blessed me so much that they get an entry dedicated to them.

I cannot forget their faces. The couple. Maybe no one else would think that what they did was very noble or sweet-natured. But to me it was. The mildness in their response towards each other, and how they just meant to walk away quietly w/o scolding the kid or asking us for a refund. WOW.

And ya, one girl took the hand of their child, and she just played with him. Didn't know the family, just played with the kid. In the end, he did end up playing.

$1 well spent.
They blessed me so much with it.

The paper aeroplane entry.

restless
restless
restless

running searching falling
down.

desperate breathless grasping,
but not anything. paper aeroplane flying through
time and space. sees all. knows all. but is not all.

crashes. then falls
down.

-desmond.

The give and take away entry.

I watched abit of the Passion today. Just abit, cause i didn't dare to watch the entire thing. Today, Jesus' mother had me thinking. Mary.

I wondered why God put her through all that He did. I mean, get her really shocked and afraid when he sent Mr-Angel-of-good-news to her.. then made her feel so really proud and honnoured to be the vessel that was used to conceive the Son of God. THEN, took everything from her when He sent Jesus, her son, to die on the cross.

I mean, that feeling of having everything then having nothing is worser than having nothing to begin with.

God sometimes is very weird. But guess that's what makes Him God.