The 2.53am Entry.

Okay. I feel really really acomplished that i so have to type in down immediately. I just finished my lit essay -- character analysis. It's really not much to boast of. I tink its messy and all. I mean, structure, but bottom line is i made it. I actaully stayed awake to finish my essay. Yah. haha. Okay. Sorry. Suddenly the excitement wears off.

Ok. School's been pretty tough. Still so tired. But yah. I thank God for stuff like prayer meeting, sunday services, net, dinner with close friends, or msges from one close friend to another. Just, really somehow picks you up. Sorta gives you strength to run on.

Yah. Hahah. I'm feeling my first symptom! My throat's feeling weird. But hey. Dunno what to say bout it too.

Hahah, really alot to say. Dunno where to start at all. Bang? had lots of fun. Like reliving childhood all of us. Edge? hahah, funny one. but, yah.. was not really there. I mean. I was like so 'off' to another place. And i kept going toilet!! Sunday services? Fun.. Today's prayer meet? Cool.. did sound duty.. nigel's so crappy and funny.

yah. Thank God for frens who bother to msg me. It makes my day, makes me look forward to looking to end of sch.

Yah. pretty much done.

Nite ppl! : )

The M18 entry

Warning : The following content is intended only for audiences aged 18 years and above. Minors please SHOO away NOW.

Haha, but if you wanna sneak and read on, I'm not asking for your ICs.

Yes! I wasn't in school on monday, woke up sunday nite to do homework till pretty late, so was too tired to go sch. But later during the day, really felt unwell. Think cos of irregular sleep and the lack of it. Yah, so wanted to meet some of them for dinner, and while they went to watch Passion after dinner, do homework with esther foong at whereever it is we were dinner-ing.

So on my way to westmall, (ok, just gotta say this. 187 stinks big time!!! The waits for the bus are SOOOOO irregular and so is the traveling time. Sometimes 15 mins can reach. Sometimes as bad as 45 min!! ARGH!) Anyways, yea while walking to westmall, Jason calls and says ,"You wanna watch Passion?" I was like.." yea.. i would, but i can go in meh?"

So we decide that we would just go ahead with buying the ticket for me.

Then we go to delifrance, where they eat, and i dun even tho i'm supposed to be meeting them for dinner. Yah then realise Jason has free ticket, so if i cannot go in then i dun have to pay still. Yah so we start planning -- If the auntie asks me, jason would hit me and say "What!??! You're not 18??". OR i could just hide between elvin and jason and rush to the toilet immediately when we go hand the tickets over.

Finally when we went up, Jason decided my 3/4s, colourful shirt, fuhua sec file 2003 and pencil box wasn't gonna help me in ANY way to get in, so we placed it in his "Lim's Living" paper bag and i would carry it to make me look older. Yah, so story goes on that the auntie is an unassuming lady who doesn't ask me for my IC despite my childish front. I GOT IN!!

Phew!

Yah, so in the cinema, we're early and I'm cold ( what's new?) and i get to use elvin's bag as sheild. (It plays a part in the story dun worry..) yah, so we sat there, the show started and i asked my dear da ge to warn me when the gory part comes. And he REFUSES! Haha, yah, so we just watch. Then when pilot said something, Elvin says," Oh no..it's coming..."

I tried counting the no. of times they flogged Jesus, but i couldn't continue on. I was just crying like a TAP!!! Vibrating tap!! Yah, quoting Elvin to someone asking if i cried, " Aiyah he.. need to ask meh?" Yah. I was like WAHHHHHH.. even tho the whole time elvin's bag covered half the screen for me. I didn't stain his new bag with my tears! honest! I didn't da ge!! I was cautiously crying!

yah, then we go on to the different parts and i was just crying and crying and crying and crying and you get the idea.I was mad at the roman soldiers and all, but i just kept saying to myself, "There are only 2 characters in this show-- Desmond and Jesus".. And i cried more.

After the movie, I just sat in my seat and elvin and jason just talked about the show. I wanted to laugh at this part of the conversation :
Elvin: Almost every name ends with an E or I or O
Jason after 1o secs : No.. no e's! I or A or O!

But i cld only sit and tear more! Man!!

I mean. Jesus went thru all that, becos all the time while He went thru everythg He did, He saw you and decided it was worth it. Cld feel God whispering as if, saying "Be Spirit-led.." I mean, letting the Holy Spirit take over.

Okee, really long entry. M18. I was sorta proud to be the youngest in the theater, like gives me the right to cry more than anyone else. Hahaha.

Yea, on ending, wanna say God's love is that simple. Jesus is God's love personified. And to my da ge, your bag was really dry, haha, you jerk! All you thot bout was your bag?!? haha.. I was careful not to wet it cos i know its new lah! hahah.. im so nice. sighz.

God's nicer. =)

The beloved entry.

Yep, just returned from M'sia from brother andrew and sis yu ping's wedding. Nice wedding lah, like held in a quiet estate. Alot of ppl! And like the wedding was not over-done and i dun tink it was under-done too. Just nice for the both of them. Wasn't really elaborate. We had erm..worship, haha.. and then the normal stuff with special items. One of which was the 'testimony' of the other J21 team. Seemed more like a sermon instead. Kai Loon the preacher!

Another was this performance by some of the church children. (Our sister church i suppose.) Yah, they came in with like basket balls and this particular boy also carried 2 balls, but large as in LARGE balls. He was like leading them la! So i was pretty impressed and like going ,"Awww.. cute..."

Then i hear someone, till now i know not who, who says, "They're autistic you know..?"

W..H...A....T?!?! These kids? Autistic?

---Sience in desmond's mind.---

Not that i look down on them. But just, so taken back. They looked so normal. Anyways.. after tt, seeing them made me smile even more.

There was a teacher there who brought the mic up to them as they were like doing stunts with their basket balls, and they each said a short phrase. In particular, the last boy's phrase just almost brought me to tears.

In Christ, I am smart.. I am brilliant.. and I can do ALL things.

Pause.

Desmond thinks to himself, " My word. He truely believes what He says. If He has such faith in God despite his undeniable condition, why do we have to fear that we don't match up to other's expectations? Cos in Christ, all unworthiness and class and ranks have been dispelled."

Yep. This is for you, the one thinking you aren't as worthy as your good fren, that you aren't as worthy as a close fren, aren't as worthy as anyone else at all, INCLUDING the guy walking down the street this moment outside your window. You may not be worthy in the world's measurements, but we aren't from this world. We are all equal, are beloved of Christ, and all made worthy by the scars on Christ.

You may look down on yourself. But know this. God doesn't look down on you. He's so proud of you, so proud so proud of you. Just remain tender before Him.

This trip reminded of so many things tt happened in my childhood. Words that ppl said of me. Good and bad. Just like 2 days. I love my God.

The peached-flavoured entry.

You know how is it that when you meet with an interesting incident during the day, you just say to yourself," That's gonna be in my blog today?" Yep. I have something from tuesday.

It's a peached-flavoured sweet! Okay, i admit. I dun really have it. Unless you mean in my tummy.. -rubs tummy, satisfied.-

So what's the deal bout a sweet kiddo? Simple. I rushed from sch to prayer meetin, and was on GP, yah. So i was late like 25 min. hahah.. So the person on GP with me gives me a sweet. Then she gave me another sweet, but this one is a peached-flavoured one. She was teling me her lecturer gave it to them cos it was their last lecture.. and i asked her," You know where to get it meh?"

"No.. ask my lecturer lah.."

Which touched me alot. Cos.. its like.. something that she has so little of. I mean.. she had to dig her bag for the sweets and it was from her lecturer, meaning she didn't know where it came from. And she liked it alot!! But she was so happy to give it to me. I was so touched.

Ok fine. I'm easily touched and moved to tears.

I wasn't moved to tears this time if you're asking tho. But was touched lah! Thinking back, it was like the woman with the Jar of alabaster.I mean, WOW.

I wanna be able to love God with an attitude as such. To give without fear of losing.
I wanna give the lost an Answer. That I know where to get from.

Yep. Peached flavoured sweet. Hmm.. It was nice!! Btw, anyone know where to get it?? hahaha... Yea. With the same measure that God gave us. I mean, He gave just like that.

WOW! I has so many paragraphs!! Haha, ok. Yah. I'm done. You're done with reading. Nite you little sleepyhead!! =)

The bone entry.

With the recent passion, Christ's death, Ressurection kinda thing around now, I gotta blog bout it too. Okay, I HAVEN"T watched passion. Now now.. stop the jeering. Tsk tsk, the power of the spoken word. hahahaha... yes. But i did watch Fosaken, A VFC production.©.2004.

Lights out.

Lights In after 2 sec interval.Scene takes place at a plain.

Desmond : Oh? Jesus.. You serious? That happened? Wow.. i never knew the Father's love was like that. Oh.. bread? THANK YOU Rabbi, i was hungry.. You sure take care of me.. I love You..

Lights out. 2 sec interval.

Lights in.Scene takes place at Golgotha.

Desmond : Crucify Him! Crucify Him!!

Lights out. 2 sec interval.

Desmond :(aloud to himself) I can't bear to watch.. Its.. its.. too....

Camera zoomz in on Desmond. Streams of tears roll down.

Yah. i cried. SILLY!!! But i tink i did lights bout 5 times.. rehearsals and actual. And I cried 3 times. I just cldn't bear to watch them 'drive' a nail thru Jesus's hands. I mean. It was me. I was the one who drove the nails thru His hands. I was the one who whipped him till the flesh hung just by the thin layer of delicate skin, painted red with fresh and dried blood. I spat at him. I was the one who did all that and more DESPITE the fact tt He spent so much time. preaching to me, talking to me, feeding me bread, just treating me like a good fren.

I betrayed my good fren. I did not help Him or stand beside Him. In fact i turned around and threw stones at Him (and the Roman guard while i was at it.. just for the kick i get out of being sadistic.hahaha... joke la!)

You see. Its confusing yah, but my point is. I was the one who He loved,the one who said I loved Him. The one who brought Him before Pilate. I was the one who beat and flogged Him, 39 times, cos i didn't want His blood to be on my hands if i flogged Him one last time and took his last breath away from Him. I was the one who kicked Him on the way to the cross. The one who cried out "Crucify Him!". I was the one drove the nail into his bones. And he knew it was me. But He went ahead with the nailing thing.

I wonder if He struggled before the nail was knocked in. I wonder if He winced in agony when His flesh-baring back was placed on the cross. I wonder if He made noises of pain in attempts to relieve a puny bit of pain.

But i tink. No. He didn't struggle. Cos He saw me. And He knew He had to die to snatch my soul from where it was, and into the gates of heaven.

I cried. Did He? I tink He did.
I died. He did too. But He gave me life anew, when He died and rose again.

Lalalalla....... okok.. thank You Lord..
Nice work ppl!! Forsaken was a success. I actually worried one part tt no one wld go for altar call. but God seemed to say, "Hey.. even if no one came out, you wouldn't be the one put to shame. It wld be Me. But then again child, I will never be shamed. Becos somehow, a work will always be done."

Yep. God IS good.

The no more! entry.

Okay man. I've decided not to whine any longer about my horrid timetable. I have been trying since monday not to grumble about the late evenings and early mornings and 1 hour breaks a day.( God is good, i have a empty period on mon cos i dun take chinese b.) Yep. I dun wanna keep whining, cos ultimately I was the one who chose my own subj. Not that i blame anyone for my plight, but i see no reason why they shld suffer my insistent complaints that i have a timetable i'm terribly cheesed off with. It's better now lah, not that i'm used to it but, just taking it in my stride. AND thank God for weds where i end at 1, if nexus meets on another day.

Yep, class hasn't been good, but definately not the worst. I'm still surviving and will survive. They are abit exclusive, but i still can mix abit. Not that bad lah, its a crazy class. Some ppl are lame and sociable, some others are offensive in their attempts to be lame. Others just come off as irritating, but yea no ill intentions. Teachers are fine. Some are not very nice, as in strict and cannot teach, but they are humane. We are all imperfect anyway.

One thing that really scares me is PE. Another is Lit. Dun get me wrong. It's nice and fun. But I have alot of readings. ALOT. And cos its gothic lit, its sorta scary. Haunting. Esp when you have a funny imagination like me, you'll get caught in the book. And some of it its not nice stuff, like.. man. Supernatural. Its just not nice. Almost feel like you need spiritual covering.

Anyways, enough of my sch.

Today i came back early. And i watched my first cartoon in days. Duck tales. Uncle scrooge was a mean guy, didn't lend his cash to poor 'frens', donating 1o bucks to charity with a 1ooo dollar note and asking for change and the like. Suddenly this guy came to demand payment from him - debt from 2 generations ago. So Uncle scrooge lost all his money, then his poor 'fren' helped him when the others didn't. This poor fren owed a ship which was destroyed becos he helped uncle scrooge. Anyways, cut things short, he paid the 'debt' to the bad guy. And he decided to help the poor needy, and bought a new ship for his poor fren whose boat was destroyed.

Your typical disney cartoon. All ends well.

Of cos i didn't do a nice job of relating it to you. But i realised i missed such cartoons. I miss the old times. I sorta miss the times where we just didn't have so much nonsense and work and quarrels. Sort of wished that we could be like the old times. Where quarrels and I-won't-talk-to-you-any-more-s lasted like 5 mins. Where somehow, everything works out well in the end. Like a cartoon. That everything will work out well at the end of 3o min in front of the tv.

I love You God. I love my family. I love my frens.
I miss you guys. Sometimes I am just haughty.
But it doesn't mean i dun love you guys.
I do. But i forget so often that i shld respect you guys.

I love the old time singing shouting
I love the old time way
I love the old time singing shouting
Praying praising
I love the old time way