The One About Regrets.

On the topic of names, it is pretty amazing how a name supposedly tells more about you than your ability to quickly react upon hearing it. Seen since the Old/New testament days, God gave people names to reflect their destiny too. Abraham, "The Father of many nations", which he was. Jesus literally meant the Messiah, and Joseph meaning "He will add".. and how Desmond means "from South Muster" and so on and so forth.

But I wonder if it is still the case in modern society. I mean, for us, or for parents in the past century and the one we are in now, is it merely just a fad to have a cool sounding name? Like, did our parents really knew what our names meant before they gave it to us? Maybe, maybe not. At least they gaev us, well, human names. Try Kal-el. Nicholas Cage's son.. That's Superman! Or try this, i went online to find out, Gwyneth Paltrow's and Coldplay's Chris Martin's little Apple, Moonunit and Dweezil Zappa. GAWD!! Seriously? Moonunit? What's next, Keypad Fondue Ringring Martin?! Aren't we all thankful our parents gave us normal names.

But would you change your name, if you could, no strings attached? Or for that matter, change anything that happened before in your life?

I used to think I have no regrets. Up to yesterday when i watched Frequency, on channel 5 that is. Seriously, I love the Saturday night movies. Haha, this show's pretty cool. Its about this guy, John Sullivan. He is a cop, who misses his fireman dad who died 30 years ago, in a fire. Everyday he wonders what would it would be like if his dad never died. Then one day, becos of the Aurora Bureolis, and his father's old radio, he manages to connect to this man through the radio. They talk to each other awhile and they realise this is his Dad, Frank Sullivan. John warns him about his death, and saves him. And suddenly reality changes. His father lived to see his graduation day and all. But still dies of lung cancer cos of excessive smoking. Anyways, saving his dad triggers off other things to change like a series of homicides, including the murder of John's mom. They race against time to save her, and blah blah. But anyways, story cut short, they managed to catch the serial killer, and somehow Frank lived on, and reality changed again.. And Frank and his wife managed to continue on healthy and alive in the new reality. ITS SO NICE!

But, compose myself. Haha, the point is, whatever happened in the past makes you who you are today. Would you then have changed anything if give a chance to?

I always believed I'd would not regret anything. I wouldn't call it regret, but i would say I did have things that i wanna change if i could. No, not the name. Haha, altho the idea of 2 names is really cool. Still, i wonder if i should have changed my personality. My likes/dislikes. Should i have went back in time, reach out my hand and say, "Desmond, no. Don't do this. No Desmond, don't touch that. Desmond, you don't want to care for this person so much. Desmond, no. Let that friend go. Desmond, don't say anything. Desmond, hold your tongue, your arms, your legs. Desmond, no. Don't cry."

I dunno. I want to. But I'm all that i am cos of all those blasted things. I'm thankfully, very, for the friends i have now. Still..... there are so many things that almost daily i think about, wondering, if i could have. Sometimes i wonder if my pining for them is what gives me strength to go on.

Yet despite all the desire to change, there are things i would never want to trade away. My family's one. Another is how I knew God since young. That i really fell in love with Him when i was a little boy. Probably even more then than now.

Today during worship, suddenly it just hit me. I was looking for a love-story. Not bgr, kinda thing. But a relationship.. with a dad, or a mom, a sis, or bro, or a fren. Just like John Sullivan and his love for his dad. I'm still looking for that love-story. But just there and then, it was like, God was saying, "I'm your love story. Search no more. I'm your love story."

What can I say but, "Yes You are. Thank You."