13.

All glory and praise be to Him.

The 'hot tears' entry

The Israel team came back today. Heh, the whole thing was elaborate, with banners (which fabian and i held) and flowers. And Joy has long hair now!!

Anyways, I'm glad they're all back, especially uncle david. I still rmb the day he left, i cried, at the expense of my image ( image? haha.. i guess not at the expense, considering my image is that of crying anyways). But at that point i was so sad that someone who played a vital role in my growing up in the cw was going.

Yah, and today when he came back, He was like the first person i wanted to hug. Okay, i know im not close to him, and he's not close to me. But i really just wanted to hug him when he came back. And i was thinking to myself, " Man, if i hold the banner how to hug him?!" So when he came over to me, i reached out my hand to shake his. And he hugged me.. and i was like," Woah.. look at the tears in his eyes man.." The words 'Hot tears' just popped in my head. I was like so happy loh, felt so proud of him.

And after tt, as we were going home, i was thinking about the whole thing again. And i was so challenged by him. The joy on his face.. its like the joy of missions. (not the Joy of the chengs.. haha) And i told myself, i was determined to have these hot tears on my cheeks. To have that gratitude to God, that joy that comes from serving Him, that joy that comes when you've tasted of God's protection, mercy, grace, and faithfulness. So much so that it will just flow out of your life, and that you will not be able to contain that gratitude, and that it will come out as tears, and laughter, and worship and love for Him.

I want to be a person that will always be more grateful for God's mercy and love each day. The friends He gives, the time He gives, the support He gives (realised this list is in-exhaustable?).

AMEN!!

I need You more, More than yesterday
I need You more, More than words can say
I need You more, Than ever before
I need You more, I need You Lord.

More than the air I breathe More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat More than anything
And Lord as time goes by I will be by Your side
Cos I never want to go back To my old life......

The water Entry

Today at the edge, God just blew me away. And I'm so wow-ed by His goodness and glory. Ever seen a God who never fails to amaze you, and your friends, and practically everyone who's there at the service? Well, I sure have. This God is just stinking awesome!

Well, as we begin the service, we had no seats, so Region F youths were rather scattered. And it wasn't nice for our guest Lily Jie. But nevertheless, we got our seats and sitting partners. (ok, fine. Sitting buddies if you must..) I sat with the young girls from CW and esther tan, colleen in some unknown territory. So i felt abit out of place.

Anyways, whilst we were searching far and wide for our seats, the praise had already started.Anyways, I was just praising and singing (Okay fine!! Trying to sing yah!?! Better for you?), i begin to see stuff that God was saying to me.

I saw a scene of the low-lying hills, like taken on a helicoptor, at night. It was a awesome sight. Simply stunning.But there was one problem. The scene was like movie style? Had 2 black lines above and below the scene, so what i saw was just part of a bigger picture (I didn't know what laid beyond the hills and the black lines). So i continued singing, worshipping. And God seemed to say, " That's your vision, your scope of vision."

Then a few minutes later, i see the same scene, the beautiful, but 'cut' vision of hills tainted blue by the night and moonlight. And as i continued to watch, the black lines moved away from the vision, and as the top black line was moved out, i saw what laid byond the hills -- water. An ocean of sparkling white water. White becos of moonlight. And God said, "This is MY scope of vision. Start seeing through MY eyes. start seeing through Godly vision and see beyond." And as i went on, I slowly understood the water thing. Where there is water, there is life. And God showed me an ocean of water. Not a river, not a pond, but a stinking ocean so big i couldn't see the ends.

Where there is water, there is life.

And I'm like, man.. "You sure its You, God?". Cos will God reveal so much in one worship session? So i asked for confirmation, and totally forgot bout pressing in for my confirmation later during service. I was just listening to Sis Anna, who gave an awesome sermon!! And what stuns me was that after prayer for ppl after sermon, Jeremy Seaward decided to tell everyone what he intended to tell only the net leaders. And guess what it was about?

So clever. =)

About God asking Abraham to lift up His eyes and to see through God's eyes. To see beyond. To see life in a land of barreness.

I was like, "oh.my.word.woah."

Where there is the Living Water, there is life.
Are we seeing through His eyes in our situations? No matter how barren and dry and desolate and beyond-hope the circumstances are, can we choose to see through His eyes? Becos when we do, we see water, Living Water, Life and God Himself in our situation.

I want to see through Your eyes dear God, Help me. Give me grace and vision.
Amen.

The re-written entry

Haha.. I wrote like a few paragraphs and totally did away with it all. Hah..This my frens, is NOT wisdom. Hahahaha.... yah yah.. Okay, so i am re-writing my entry. What oh what shall i blog today? Man.. The awesomeness of my God. I'm blown away by His majesty and cool-ness.

Today i had dinner with *salute*... Chief! She set me thinking. Just stopped me in my tracks and sort of unknowingly caused me to ponder on things i don't want to think about. Haha, things that i don't want to think about although i should. Arh, God is good. He's just pounding and knocking on that carved wooden door of your heart, making certain that you will come out victorious! This is how much He cares. How much He bothers. Let us be reminded He is a King and doesn't need to care bout you. But He does. He does. He does. Thank God He does.

These past few weeks, I really gave up on stuff.. hehe.. even sometimes, some ppl. ( Okay, I'm sorry, It's tiring to just keep trying and nothing changes?) But heh, It's like God send Chief to tell me. (tho she was't exactly telling me not to give up-- she just said stuff that sort of revives me again?). And I'm willing to try again. Not for everything. Some things really have to be left behind and in the past. But some things were meant to be yours, don't just "wadever" it away.

I 'wadeva-ed' alot of my stuff away. My passion for one. I wadev-ed it away. Other stuff close to my heart. I wadeva-ed it away. Persons that I love, wadeva-ing tthem away. Strangely those stuff that should be left in the past, I didn't 'wadeva' it away. Haha.. they just grew out of my life through God's divine working.

But what God gives you, nothing can take away!! 'Cept you and Him of cos.
But my point is, like said last time, God doesn't bother how screwed-up your life is. If that's His plan for you, and you are humble, humbled and repentant, He always has ways to re-direct you to His final plan for you.

I'm thankful I have Him as my Lord, and Father. And I'm willing to go try it all again. I'm willing to trust again. To hope again. Not just in Him, but in some ppl also. God didn't mean for us to be one-man show ppl. Thank God He didn't. God brings hope doesn't He? New, fresh hope.

Amen.

The break through entry?

Breakthrough. It means breaking through. Moving past a barrier that supposedly would stop you. Think a place that can't be infiltrated being infiltrated. That is break through. Think an open bank at the corner of a street, and robbers going in forcefully. That's breakthrough. Think a man pounding on the doors of a building, and finally tearing the doors down. That's breakthrough.

And my point is? Well, it is that every breakthrough requires an action. And this action is carried out by the person who wants the breakthrough. Want breakthrough? Then what are we doing bout it? Agreed; its God who brings us through. But its us that have to choose to press in. It takes time like infiltrating, breaking down the door. It takes persistence and peseverence. No stopping.

Yah, want breakthrough, press in. I mean PRESS IN. Press : force must be applied.

But we wonder, only me and God? Nah.. thank God no. God gives us 'saints' tp breakthrough with us, just like robbers rob in a group and amry platoons infiltrating a place. More people, more effective. The closer the person, more effective. More close people, More good friends, More Godly friends, much much much more effective.

Sometimes its difficult to seek God alone. Sometimes you just want friends to be there and seeking God together with you.

And I'm so proud that some of you had online devotions when we were in east timor. Very blessed by that. Why not continuing anymore?

We've had you, your saints (AKA jonathans and davids) , What is the next chemical to add to create a breakthrough? God.
Naturally right? Faith in Him, Trust in Him, Hoping in Him. Leaving it to Him. It's all about....... HIM. Our duty is to press in, not move anything. That's his job circle, leave your itchy fingers out of His job scope.

I'll be realistic, Its not easy to let go. Not easy to do alot of stuff. Sometimes You wished some stuff would happen. But they never do. Sometimes that little heart aches and you literally feel it becoming 'suan' or sour. Sometimes you sit down, holding back tears as long as you can. But I'll be realistic once more. The truth is that mr Kleenex is up there all the while. The Spirit is a gentleman. You don't open up, He don't force Himself in. You ask Him in, he gladly comes in. That is the truth. Things will come tt we don't know how to control. But that's when we need to come to the One who controls all.

In my weakness Your strength is made complete and perfect.
Thank God! Phew...
Amen.

The "Where were you" entry.

This morning.There was a conference and the whole video crew was be on. So we're all in the video room. And I'm doing gp with Eileen. I did praise, she did worship. Seriously I think I'm losing my gp-phoric skills. heh.. freaky man.

So I went through tt part of sunday morning, and some one asks me, "Where are you?" But I wasn't attentive lah, so i went on to lunch and the afternoon part of sunday.

So some things happened that really made me so 'yuck' and disappointed. we went to eat, then over to colleen's house to study/do work. Still stuff happened that made me so 'argh'. But then things eased up abit. Haha, thank God for declan. Never thot I'm saying this, but sometimes when i look at Him, My heart just melts. I've seen God in him. Glimpses of it. But I still do. And it made me smile. ( Mushy.. yucks!)

Well, then someone asked again," Where are you?".

Yah, then john and i left to go evenin service. I was on gp again. So had to be there early. Well, i went up to video room again, with more or less the same ppl. Haha, this time, we had like 9 songs!!! So many many many!! Bro derek is a man of many songs.

Anyways, cut things short, it was really really bad. really bad. We couldn't find the song through it all anywhere!! I had to use search button (used only in times of utter despair) and then found it. GA12.

Then after tt, nearing the end of the service, bro wilson at the tampines side sang this really weird old song. Can't make out the words.. and we (fabian, brian and me) were searching like nut cases. And the camera man (gabriel) was hurrying us. I almost employed search button, but fabian found it last minute. Bro wilson started the song with an 'OH' which wasn't even part of the song. ARGH!!

Well, service over, and as i switched off my laptop and someone asked me again, "Where are you?". I was too hurried to get down to meet up with the rest of the youths to reply.

yah.. and after much procrastination, the whole lot of us decide to go blue roof for dinner!! COOL! The older youths and the younger youths and the obasans and ojisans all go to the same place for dinner!! Stuff happened on the way to blue roof, at blue roof and after blue roof. And i felt so much like running to foong's place to just stay over. And yah, cry.

And someone asked me, "where are you?".

I came back home, and things picked up abit. I chat online with some ppl and suddenly a person says something that made the difference in my day. We began to chat about God and all.

Finally I took time to listen to that someone who was looking for me all day. Finally I could hear him becos it was only then that i focused on him. On Him. When we spoke of Him. Then I heard Him say once more in His sweet sweet voice, but no longer asking me where i was the whole day.

Rather He said, " I was there with you throughout the day."

He asked where I was. I couldn't say.
I didn't ask where He was. But I knew. And He told me too.

" I was there with you throughout the day."
Amen.

"All I'm asking is that you turn your eyes upon Me.

Upon Me.

Upon Me.

Upon Me.

I don't hate you. Never did. I love You so much.
I don't care how messy your life is.
All I ask is that you return that gaze to Me.

I'm not asking you to solve your problems.
I'm not asking you to try harder.
I'm asking you to turn your eyes back to Me.

And to watch Me.

For the Son does only what He sees His Father doing.

Likewise when you watch Me, you will do what I do.
Likewise when you watch Me, your heat beats in alignment with mine.

Turn your eyes back to Me. Simply turn your eyes back to Me.

Then passion will return. Then the things I have for you will be restored. Restored and given back to you more than before."
-- 12.20 - 12.30 pm, Sat 7 Feb.

The Post-Fever 1oo Conference @ COOS

Jesus I believe in You And I would go
To the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone Are the Son of God
And all the world will see that
You are God That You are God

Stagnant. Stagnant. You've turn your eyes off Me.

God just brought something to my mind in the conference. Everything felt so familiar, as if i was preparing to go east timor. Just like those 4 days last year which were really great days. And something in me leaps again, is set free again, is joyous again, is uncertain again, but is looking towards Him again.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

That something feels all these, not becos I was in the same place where my fire and passion was blown into flames, though it is the same feelings. Rather it was and, still is, becos God is calling that something back. It's a sort of re-ignition of a past passion. Re-focusing I guess.

When the other east timor team was sharing, God reminded me stuff. One thing that immediately I reminded myself was Part of Healing Process--the words said to partly to me. And partly to them.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

But God didn't mean for me to keep looking towards the things that needed to be healed and to the processes. He had meaning for me to look to Him. And as I worshiped and sang, I realised I lost something so unique to me. I lost them. But amen to the truth that our God is a God of restoration. There and then He restored. And slowly I believe He will restore the rest. I'm clinging on to the words spoken.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

It hurts. Badly. But He called the boy higher. To that place of re-focusing. To that place of surrender. To the nations. The boy was left so lost. But the boy knew Him. He knew Him. And want to know Him.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

You've turned your eyes off Me.

God didn't say growing cold hearted. Yah, maybe you've not grown cold. But are you hot? It's not a matter of how cold you are. But of how hot you are. Cold is the absence of heat, not the presence of cold.

God didn't say ignore. But He didn't say bother. He said,"Turn your eyes upon Me."

Thank God He restores. Thank God He speaks. Thank God for the grace to trust in Him. Thank God for being God. Thank God for being there. Thank God for second chances. Thank God He bothers enough to woo you. Thank God for rebuking. Thank God for His love. His love that superceeds all else to emerge strong and unfailing.

This post meeting has seriously challenged me to just look past my problems and unto Him. To re-commit my life to Him first, then His cause, second. To not lose sight. And to seek Him for who He is, not what He can give.

"But I restoreth."
Amen.

The WOAH prayer meeting.

And I breathe in Your breath of life
That fills my heart
You are my all Consuming Fire

I stand here Before You
In wide open wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose In me
As I'm reaching for You

So cool. What could be fun-ner? What could be more exciting than dwelling in God's presence and just enjoying Him.. and worshiping Him?

Today we had one worship meeting man. I'll speak of the before prayer meeting first. I walked from my house to mrt, then took mrt to cck and then 3oo. And i tell you, when you've been having such weird sleeping times like me, and you are travelling on a mrt and public bus alone, your "stay-awake" nerves fail you terribly. Got to admit i was like struggling to keep awake. My eyes were half opened loh, and i was just forcing them open.

Haha.. Anyways, as i was in 3oo, Thank God it was not crowded, unusually. If it was i would have been more sleepy. Anyways, i said to God, "Look, I'm really sorry I'm dozing off. God You've got to help me stay awake during prayer meeting later." And a few minutes later (I'm still struggling to stay awake at this moment lah huh..), the bus stalls at the bukit panjang govt bus stop. And I'm like, "WHAT?!? What nonsense.. Man.. God this has so got to be You loh!! Thank You!!Hahaha..." Haha.. crazy? Nah.. Just tt God is creative. Becos the bus stalled, we had to get down and hop on the next bus. But i decided not to wait and just walked across to cck bldg. And tt little walk made me v much awake. WOAh. The power of my God.

Then at prayer meet, we just break off into this powerful worship session, haha.. the song shirley lim led, I stand here before You, was so right for the mood!!! The song was once a hit song, but it phased out. So when she sang it it didn't feel cliche. Haha.. But then Sis Sandy goes up. And I go ,"No. God No." You know like when you bargain with your hp alarm to give you a few more minutes of sleep? Yah..like tt. And God sort of brought us into another realm of worship. Totally blew my mind. Sis Sandy didn't stop the worship to go ahead with prayer pointers. Just went with the flow and the worship. And we go into worshipping Him and repenting and renweing our lives the whole prayer meeting.

It was just like renewal. I dunno. That word comes to me strong. Another word that came to me was also resistant. Resistant.And yet another word was this.. argh!! Let me try to rmb!! OH!! "In your weakness My strength is made perfect.". That word came so clear and so gently. And God seemed to be saying, " Why do you try so hard in Your own strength? Do you not know you cannot do it unless through Me?". I had forgotten this verse over the past few months. But God reminded me. That sweet Spirit took time to remind me. He didn't have to, but He did. I'm thankful He did.

Another thing was how God impressed on my heart, " I don't want you to be a guest in My courts, where you come and go. I want you to stay in My throne room. Would you stay and dwell in My presence, and not be a guest anymore?"

Bro willie and sister elaine went up to pray. And there i felt like it was a battle. Either you fight for a new deeper relationship or lose it. So many things happened in the short time. Okay..at one point of time I almost wandered off in my mind. Too tired. But well, God pulled me back. Literally. So much to say. Don't know where to continue.

But sighz. I'm still exasperated at the glory and splendor and the awesomeness and the wisdom and the simplicity of my God. Of our God. Of the God of all. Let's be challenged to go deeper into our relationship with Him. Whatever is past, is passed. It's difficult to let go. But hey, It is in our weakness that His strength is made perfect. In Him, all things are perfect.
Amen.

The Sunday Entry.

WOAH. Sunday is my fav day. Whole day in church!! But ends fast. Man....

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
Your loves makes me sing
Your love's amazing
Steady and unchanging
Your love's a mountain
Firm beneath my feet

Lah lah.. got quite abit to talk about. Don't know where to start. One thing that really had an impact on me today arh? Guess it was when someone.. spoke to me. Eric. Sighz.. i wanted to tell him like ," Eric, you are right. For like almost everything. Where were you all this time!??!?" Hahah.. but yea.. God was good.

Another part was during worship in the morning. When something in me just said, " This is the ugliness of your heart. When I worship God becos of me and my own glory and agenda OR even becos of the sake of worshiping. And not becos of who He is." I was so taken aback. That is the ugliness of our heart when we do not worship Him in spirit and in truth.

BUT.. God then said thru it all.. if we were repentant and all.. there was a way he could provide for us. Hahah.. sorry, i can't rmb exactly what He said. But during evening service, Bro John Tan....... Peng Chai.. gave a word of God clothing us with His righteousness tt makes us worthy. Hahah... only realised it as im journaling now that it was in line with what God impressed on my heart this morning.

Man.. God can use anyone. Anyone at all. Its the posture of our heart. Man.. I'm so excited at what God's going to do. i want to walk closer with Him. So excited. There are many things i do not understand, like things tt seriously don't seem to be wad theyshld be. But I've learnt also tt my God is big. And for that matter bigger. And for that matter again.. the BIGGEST. that's why i can rest assured in Him. No easy task.. but God will honnor that faith you have in Him. That little faith.

So arise you of little faith and put that which you have into His hands, and He will multiply that for His glory-- shown through your life. [ this is no bible verse.. just something i write cos it sounds nice.. hahah]

In His hands,
Amen.