The One with the deaf guy.

You know what? I've been blogging and blogging recently! Holidays i tink.. gets you all into the retrospective, introspective, extrospective, manyspective mood. Of cos, ronan keating helps alot. Haha, joking la. I mean, things like hanging out, being quiet. Being irritating. having services. Did you guys know, you can just click on the blogger bar, the icon that says "blogthis" and voila! Easy blogging.

K. Fighting the ZzZz monster. He's very smart, attack my eyelids first.

Anyways, on sat, i had dinner with the guys at BK after edge. So this deaf dude comes over, and he places this small collarpin kinda thing ard, with a slip of paper that explains everything. You know wad, i didn't buy it from him. I mean, i wanted to. Honest. But somehow, i just kept thinking of how i'm gonna live this month. OH no money for food. OH no money for this crap and that nonsense. Then I wondered if i could just like tell him, i dun want the thing, but i'll give you 2 bucks. 2 bucks i can part with. but my friend says it would be insulting to the dude.

It got me thinking la. I mean, i gotta admit. I'm not some really really good noble guy. I'm far from that. And that's not being modest. I mean, i've been thinking about it the past few days before sat - how do i judge whether to help someone? Do i fear to help someone becos he looks weird, or do i fear to help someone becos i fear my own lack. The deaf dude, we shall call Mr Dude, wasn't weird-looking. He looked normal. Whether he was a quack or not i don't know. But it doesn't matter i realised. Like, I think i have no compassion.

Would i have shunned Jesus, when He was on the way to Golgotta, or however you spell it? To the hill of Calvary, when He's all scarred and bleeding? And meat's just hanging from His back, and head and face? Would i have hesitated to give him a drink. I really can't answer. I realised, in someway or another, i've fallen into my own world of self-pity. As if, ALL the world goes through bliss but me. Mr Dude's condition really shook me up from my state of rest and complacency. I mean, ppl struggle to live day-by-day. They put aside their own shame cos that's how desperate they are to live. Its so humbling to be telling others your weakness (his deafness), and expecting them to patronise you. To refuse pity as a form of love, but to seek and desire respect for who he is as a form of affirmation of his capabilities.

Sometimes, we live too long in our own worlds. Sometimes, perhaps we indulge our own selfpity, bitterness and hurt. Sometimes, perhaps, maybe, we think the world must conform to us. We forget we're no better or worst from anyone else living on this earth. Cos God's no respecter of persons.

I'm struggling. No kidding. It so difficult to forget, more difficult to forgive. Worst still, to love again. Everytime you resolute to forgive, the enxt tiem you see them, something else they does irritates you soooooo much. Its a constant thing - to forgive and love. I admit i need God. I admit i'm weak. I admit. I. AM. NOTHING.

The One where I can't understand.

I don't understand people. Many people don't make sense. Some just don't make sense no matter how hard they try. Other can't be bothered. They don't even try to make sense. They just come, drop a bombshell on you. Expecting you to go with the flow. They have no psyco-motor skills. Or rather, hearto-motor skills. Do one thing but mean another. Worst - some have no motor-motor skills.

INTERMISSION.

Like, yesterday, I could only understand after the intermission. So after the above-mentioned intermission, i'm certain you will understand.

You see, i went for a play yesterday. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Of cos, i didn't understand the first half of the play. Killing my brain cells trying to decode the shakespearean english into normal english. Of cos, by the time i was finished with one sentence, i missed 3 other sentences. But the INTERMISSION saved all.

After the INTERMISSION, everything flowed better. I bet those who watched with me agree. Somehow, we seemed to understand the plot more, as a whole. And understood what the characters were saying.

It was a cool night. Mr Woolhead was so funny. He's my favourite teacher man... ARH.. R and G. I sure hope someone puts up a play of that. haha.. I wouldn't mind watching.

Just like the court jester yesterday, Festes I think his name was.
Sometimes, it takes a fool to survive in this world that's wise beyond its capacity.

The One with the Test TEST test.

[ Gone. Like yesterday is gone ]
I really hope this turns out the way i expect it to. Trying this blog this thing. haha.. If its gonna turn out the way i want, its gonna be so much easier. Tmr's GP. OH MAN. God help us. Help me. haha.. HELP!!!

By the way, col and hannah, yea. I wanted to put up the countdown thing, but i'm just too lazy to update everything and all. haha.. Sloth.

I miss J1. Silly. But i do miss it. I miss TGOST esp... TGOST. The horror book. The shocking plot. The scandal. The exam. I like TGOST alot. The god of small things, by Arundhati Roy btw. Its so. well. thought provoking. I mean, Jane Eyre doesn't do that. So does Drac. I love Dracula alot too actually. I think its a pretty cool story. Cliche, but nice. Jane Eyre, is well. A more. ROMANCE. I rmb i did blog once that i've fallen in love with Jane Eyre. Under the influence of alcohol I tink. haha.. kidding. I love my J1 lit texts.. jane, rahel, and mina. st john rivers, estha, and jonathan harker. OOooh...

The one with the random ramblings.

K. Here I am, typing and writing an entirely new entry.Honestly, I dunno what to write already. haha.. i mean. seriously. My blogging, OD-ing days have gone back since really long.. like one of the first to get into the blogging wave.

I'm proud to say i'm still blogging know. Although my blog entries may have still remained uninteresting. But I'm still proud of my heritage. well. Sort of heritage. Sort of proud. haha..

Haha, i'm like a netizen man. I rmb neopets. I was one of the first one to find out.. when there were still cheats and all.. and i learnt about it from a website. haha.. K. I'm just showing off now. haha.. I KNOW. haha

But its like.. its nice to look back at how far you've gone. Honestly, i mean. sis winnie looked back and its like, wow. She has had a pretty hard life. I can't imagine being ostracised by the entire class. I mean, its different from having no close frens. Its like a concious effort by others to bully and reject you. Not a subconcious thing.

Looking back in my primary sch life, I've had a great clique. Girls and boys clique. Rare in pri sch, but its POSSIBLE!!! In sec sch i was so low profile. and super sad when 2 of my best frens went to a different class in sec 3. I was very low profile in sec sch la. Super quiet in class, can get along with everybody. (cept' one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what) Like I've never been rejected by an entire class!! Cept' that one guy who doesn't like me for i dunno what.

Its really sad to be ostracised I feel. I mean even if you've doen someting to deserve it. But still.... that's why i feel even more for sis winnie cos she couldn't have done anything wrong. She's so sweet natured la. So full of grace and love and humlity. Like... all she did was be a widow.

Its so hard to have no relations. I admit i worry many times if ppl can accept me. Sometimes even wonder if God can accept me. Or wonder if i'm ever gonna accept myself. But I'm thankful for those special few frens of mine who have stood by me and cheered me on. Scolded me. Helped me in moving on. I mean, maybe i haven't been the best fren. But THANK YOU for considering me a close fren. :)

THANK YOU GOD too. You're awesome. I'm missin' You.

NB: I wanna do so many things!!!!! Like watch movies. Not Ep III cos that's reserved for watching with my dad, but honestly. Some other show. And i really wanna go eat sushi buffet. And get clothes. haha. yea yea. materialistic boy. :(

Of country songs...

Even if you feel you've screwed up a million times, God can forgive you 2 million times. Even 10 million times over.

This line is just so powerful, and so reassuring. I think last sat's msg was excellent. Patrick isn't like JS, in that he doesn't make as many lame jokes, and he doesn't really like suddenly speak very VERY LOUDLY LIKE MOST PREACHERS DO ANd then suddenly speak normally again. But its just so annointed. I mean, he reminds me alot of that pastor who came during the month of one accord, Doug Lambert. So personal, so cosy during his sermons. And VERY annointed.

Annointing's really important. Today, i was watching how bro stanley leads worship. I mean... don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the other worship leaders are bad and are not annointed. Its just that i happened to notice that bro stanley doesn't sing absolutely new songs, and he still manages to bring the congre into a deeper realm. No big actions... just simple worship.. its like he's so engrossed in worshipping God. There are also a few others who also manage to bring us into a deeper realm of worship.

Of cos, true worship doesn't rely on how well the worship leader goes, or how well the songs are led. But its great worship dynamics to see the entire congregation swimming in the river of God, then just you alone.

Annointing.

How bout Sister Winnie? She's such a woman of grace. And she's just so like.. like.. she hides behind the cross know. Like brother oon (i rmb that sentence, that is utter rubbish from the pits of hell). I mean, soft spoken, but so powerful.

Annointing is important. The bible says the annointing breaks the yoke. haha.. by that sentence, i prob need alot of gazeellion annointings man. But I'm thankful that He has 2 gazeellions of annointings, or even 10. I need so much of God's grace.. haha.. cos i need to show ppl grace.

Anyways, i really love the countryside. Wish i could move there now. =( haha, if God's the owner of many cattle-filled fields, i wish He could spare me just one field. haha..

Love Ya God.