Friday, 30 January 2004

I did alot of quizzes from derek's blog! Here's one.

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What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are DORY!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
Strange becos i was supposed to be marlin.. but well.. i'm dory now!

fbbfb
Complete sincerity: You believe in being
straightforward with others, and you expect the
same from them. People would consider you a
good listener, and one who is calm and mostly
serious.


Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh gosh. Haha, I'm calm and mostly serious? Hahah.. i appear calm. And I cna remain calm.. but once we've found the way to solve the prob, its then tt i start to over react.. serious? Oh my.. hahha.. wadever man.. thes quizzes don't tell me in reality who i am. God does. Thank you for knowing me. Thank You for being the Lord of all, the personal One who knows us inside out even when we don't.
Amen.

Thursday, 29 January 2004

Passion Entry.

We'll give You all the glory
We'll give You all the glory
We'll give You all the glory
Christ the Lord.


Hmm.. today. Went to study at esther's house. Elvin's house lah. real studying okay? Although i admit i was really stinking tired and hungry.

Well we watched american idol. Wah seh,some ppl are just bad. And this housten or something state? Sighz.. hahha.. what was more intruiging was the comments. I mean its ok they sing bad, cos i'm not good myself, but the comments were like hurting man.

Simon actually told this guy, " You're uselesss." okay.. can't blame him also-- the standard was really exasperating. Haha.. but was wondering how the guy would take the comment.

Anyways, american idol is a nice show. Not trying to get you to bycott it. I wouldn't loh. Nice. Haha..

This entry i called passion becos i finally got the cd. Arh.. wadeva. Hmm.. just suddenly, as in suddenly few sec ago, thot bout leemin. And east timor.

She wanted to pass me her burnt passion cd tt day i left for timor. I still rmb it all so vividly. I declined ( declined? Desmonde desmonde, why so formal?!?). I mean i say dun wan.. cos elvin had the cd. I thot he did. I can't rmb tt lah.. Geez. I rmb when i sat the palne and read the letters. I read esther foong's and almost cried. (yea yea what's new? )

Hmm.. i was scared. But not for the trip. But for trips that i would make in the future. It was like, man. I sat in the aisle seat, and just clutched the packet of suan mei that elvin stuffed into my hands becos he saw his siao di's face of worry. (thanks..da ge). But sitting there you just felt God was really with you and you felt Him so strongly and its like He gives you a sneek preview into your future. It was cool.. but very scary. It was exciting. I mean, i felt a huge contrast of emotions. I felt scared bout the future trips. But in the future trips I felt no fear. I was alone and the only Person with me on those trips was God but I did not feel alone.

I was sooooo superbly grateful to elvin. The char bo ( esther tan, lily jie, sis pearl )were like behind us.. far far far behind. And like in all the emotions, haha.. i felt so unnerved and scared. And of cos alone. Its like ,"woah cool it man God, i'm just a boy. A boy who's like so freaked out by Your awesomeness that he just want to grab his da ge's arm and hold. And grab the other hand and bite. A boy who's like freaking out becos he is so overwhelmed by Your greatness."

We'll give You all the glory..

And with that began my awesome trip which i have so much to talk about. The way God was so with us and having fun together with us was like.... SwEet, aWeSoMe.. totally.. Lixin will agree with me.

Amazing how one studying session at elvin's palce can remind me bout the cd and how that cd can remind me about jessie and how that can remind about the checking-in time on the 5 of dec. And of cos how tt reminded me about His plans and wisdom and His glory.

Man. I'm so going to fever 100 this year again. It's all worth it ppl. The serving. The serving. The serving. (as i'm typing this, i reached the take my life bridge part,of passion, so very into the mood) THE SERVING. Looking back, it's about serving God. Its about serving His ppl. Its about serving the lost. Its about serving God's cause. Its about serving Him.

WOW. I've got alot more to write bout timor. Its like writing my journal there while over there. I'll write some other time. Man.. God You're good. You lifted me beyond my troubles once again to let me see Your purpose. And I'm satisfied. And I'm lost for words. And I'm awed.
Amen.

Wednesday, 28 January 2004

The I'm back Entry.

Well, I am back. after a long break. Hahha.. my comp down lah. SOOOO upset!! But its back up again. Just that my whole drive is gone. So i lost everything.

Man.. i tell you, the most upsetting is the east timor pics!!! Esther (either foong or tan), send me okay? I want nice desktops once again.

( I'm doing gp now.. so pardon me. Later then blog. Heh..)

Okay. Done. After like so long. Disgusting thing. Okay, this few days what's been happening? No idea man. Sighz. Hmmm.. Wadeva it is, my God still reigns. My God is stil good. My God is still God.

So many things happened. I'm seriously lost. In fact.. i really want to just throw in the towel. I don't want to try anymore. I've had it.

But i have no idea what God has for me. And thru it all.. He has good plans.. I hope. What am i saying? I know. My God is good. Please. Please.

Amen.

Saturday, 24 January 2004

The Wadeva Entry.

Wadeva. --Inspired by Joash.

Wadeva. Wadeva.
dun bother dun bother.
dun care dun care.
cos no one else bothers
hence the wadeva
hence the cold hard truth
hence the cry of wadeva!!
nothing matters anymore
because i've been dictated by wadeva.
Does it look like i seriously care?
Cos i dun i dun I seriously dun!
Oh wadeva.whenever?whoever?
WADEVA..

arhh.... WADEVER LAH BOY!! (or as joash would put it, CRAP)

-- the wadeva poem. that doesn't ryhme. But hey.. WADEVA.

Friday, 23 January 2004

The " God, I need a hug" entry.

Everyone needs a hug once in awhile. That's what someone told me. Someone..? I need it now. Mr Someone..I need it now. Someone.

God i need a hug from You! Lah lah..I've come to realise that sometimes when you're really really happy, you want a hug too. I want a hug from God.

I'm really abit 'off' becos jessie's going. Heh. Man.. this entry has so got to be dedicated to her abit also. In the past year that I've known her, I just have to admit i feel very at home with her. She's like a friend that I've known for years. Maybe that's because last year felt like years? I don't know. Last year I established great friendships with ppl and i feel like I've known them for years.

She's been such a great friend. But the thing is that, she WILL CONTINUE to be a great one. =) No point in lamenting her going-away. Cos she will come back and tell of the wonderful things God has done in her life and thru her life there. This i speak in faith.

Amen.
The Argh! I don't bother bout anything now entry.

haha.. you know why i can't be bothered? Becos american idol's on tv. Hahhahah... tel you, its so commical. Wah seh.. Okay lah.. I've not a very good voice myself, but sighz.. oh well. Hahah.. since i dun have a good voice.. shall cease my commenting. Hahahha.. arh.. wadeva. If sharon joined.. I tell you.. man..

Anyways, today I visited my grandpa. For the first time i looked him very closely in the eye. I love my grandpa alot. Always wanted to put my arm over his shoulder kind of thing. Tho i can't speak teo chew and he can't speak mandarin ( well.. not that i can speak mandarin much anyways..) somehow i still feel close to him. Sighz.. its a kind of closeness that I long for with some ppl. Its like.. for that one time.. He felt like the closest person after God. I don't know. Now that I'm typing this, i don't know but, man.. i wished i was by his side right now.

All the closeness i've been longing for from other ppl. All the longing to be close with them. To know what they are thinking. To be counted as their good fren. All of it suddenly seemed to be re-focused onto my grand dad. I want my grand dad!!! No. I want my heavenly daddy!! (re-focused again. Fickle yes.. hey.. i still want to be clsoe to my ah gong and all those ppl okay?!)

You know, have you ever missed God? I have. Alot. Like now too. But.. In His word its said He will never leave us nor forsake us. So why then do we miss Him? I guess sometimes its becos we just detach ourselves from Him. He's like there beside us, but.. we're just focused on other things, that we say.. "geeze.. man i miss You.".. It's not wrong.. just that.. Well.. this song is the song that totally got my crying thing started. I geu this is a kind of missing that makes sense.. because its a longing to have God physically close to You. Arh.. wadeva.. i'm not really making sense.

Cos somewhere behind stars
Is Someone who belongs to me
And I know in my deepest heart
There's a place for You
Until I find the place You've made for me
But still I'm missin You..


Amen. God, I miss those ppl more than I miss You, becos their not here with me. Unlike You. You're right here with me. And right now.. i can't be bothered whether they are near me or far from me. It just doesn't matter anymore. I've found You. I'm satisfied. But I want more. I want to hug You. Tight. =)

Wednesday, 21 January 2004

The written-again-cos-some-problem-with-comp entry.

So close I believe
You're holding me now
In Your hands I belong
You'll never let me go


So close so close.. You'll never let me go.. So close so close.. You'l never let me go..

ARGH!! Silly comp sily comp. don't talk about it anymore.. hehe. Good thing i only typed abit. Okey dokey, well, was saying today was a very slow day. Wanted to go out becos nothing to do at home. The house was disgustingly clean. I'm so proud of my mother!! yah.. and me too. hahaha..

Well, everyone seemed occupied today. So dearie me just watched tv. Played (check this out okay.. you guys have to leave me a note to congratulate me ) metal gear something something. Downloaded it. I played the easiest level. Some demo thing. Fun? Okay lah. I hardly.. erm.. I'll correct myself, thank you.. I almost never play games. And this one is a shooting game leh!! Hahaha... Anyways, watched tv, played metal gear, deleted metal gear, sleep, eat.

Heh.. i had dinner with God today!! Haha.. arh..

Anyways, i watched cheaper by the dozen. Sighs, I watched it and i really was so envious. I mean the younger children in the family had siblings to look up to. One part that stayed in my mind for a long time was when tom welling flipped the cap on his younger brother, and gave him a very approving smile, saying ,"much better..". And i didn't cry at this movie. I couldn't be bothered with crying. I mean.. i wanted to, but I was just too tired.

And another character I remembered well was Hillary Duff. She sort of saw herself as the sane one in the family, and the one that had to solve stuff. She seemed like the one that held the family together, was the mother figure among all her siblings. The heart of the family..one of the most difficult postions in the family. Arh dah.. wadeva.. I'm thinking too much. Heh..

God is good. The movie sort of made me thankful for my family. And not forgetting ppl who have become like my family. The da ge, the er jie.

THANK YOU GOD!
THANK YOU FAMILY!
THANK YOU DA GE!
THANK YOU ER JIE!
THANK YOU MY BLOGGER RING FRIENDS!
Amen.

Tuesday, 20 January 2004

Majesty King of eternity
The sky the sea the land
Created in Your hand
Majesty King of eternity
Fill in blank please

We will exalt Your name King Jesus
Every knee shall bow
before Your throne
We will exalt Your name King Jesus
There's no one like You
There's no else like You


God, come close. Let me give You a hug. I don't want to let go. Ever.

God is good huh? Haven't had this sentence in my blog for quite awhile. Not that He wasn't in the past few days, but just that I'm trying to return to the simple things. That God is Good.

I just heard something that totally makes me abit disappointed. Its like this. Uncle Boyle says no morn prayer from tmr onwards to sat cos rp going back. And I have no sch from tmr to like sat. Talk about OH MY WORD.

Anyways, God doesn't just dwell in cck sanctuary every morning from 5.30 to 7. He's everywhere huh? You know what? Sometimes i blog all these. And I don't seem to be living my life like i believe them.

This I believe. That my God can show up even at my house whole day round, all week round, all month round, all year round. So yea, no morn prayer, but God still can show up. I've got so much to tell Him i don't know where to begin. Others may never give me a chance to speak. I may never give myself a chance to speak. But my God always gives me a chance to.

Have we given a chance to ourselves? Have we allowed ourselves time to speak to Him? Have we allowed Him the time to speak back? Have we allowed Him the chance to care?

I miss some ppl. Really do. Just want to be close to them once again.

Sunday, 18 January 2004

My heart and flesh cry out
To You my living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul
I've tasted and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You


I cry out for You.. Today as i was sitting upstairs in the balcony with yvonne.. i just looked at bro andrew's notes. I turned the page over, and i saw all the things we had to do. And I jokely said to God, "Wah seh.. all these stufff.. How to do? I cannot do it loh.. if i do one.. i will neglect the other.."

But I felt Him saying back to me, " That's the whole idea. I want to show you that you will not be able to do this on your own. I want to show you that only I can give you the grace to do it all. So that the world may know it was Me that changed you. So that you will know that you've got to let go of EVERYTHING, leave it to ME and you will know that I am in control."

Come once again to me. I love my God. But not as much as He loves me. That's the whole thing. Sometimes i think I love Him so much.. that i'm so wei da, but I neglect the fact that He loves me much much much more. But somehow, think these few days God has been smiling at me.. you know those kind of ," Aiyah.. that silly boy.. sighz.. hahah.. " kind of smile. I've done silly things.. alot esp these few days. Haha.. like an embarrresment to others around me. Haha.. da ge..... but well, God teaches us alot thru it all. I understand why now. Thank God.

Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere.
Amen.

Saturday, 17 January 2004

Who art thou SF.. From whence have thou came?
Haha.. Come on, this guessing game not fun loh. Haha.. SF SF. Thank you..

What to speak of today? Its only the half-way mark of today.. but i just want to blog. Will edge be exciting? Will I enjoy later? How bout this.. Will I choose to enjoy? I've got to admit there are things that can/might pull us down. We all have problems. Some of us share it so freely.. or rather.. more freely with certain close ppl. Yet there are the some of us that need to muster alot just to speak of our problems, even with ppl so close to us. But let's trust Him.

I really wonder. When i don't trust someone whom I should.. when i doubt a person, will he feel sad? And if he does.. what more God? When we don't trust Him.. when we claim that we have faith in Him, but we worry excessively bout our problem/s, how much exactly does He hurt?

I always doubt so much. And I hurt. Because i hurt ppl that I love. I take a knife and draw it against His palms each time i proclaim I trust Him, but i don't. Prayer is a proclaimation of our trust in Him..

As the deer panteth for the waters
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You're my Friend and You are my Brother
Even though You are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything


I hide. Dear Brother.. I hide. You see me inside out. You see it all. I hide.
Amen.
-----------
The Edge -- I'm Here.

Hmm.. today's sermon was strangely good.

It started hitting me hard when sis grace said, "People say you're different, say that you're weird.".
Then as she went on she said," You shove things aside, because you think that as a christian, you cannot be unhappy, because others above you say you shouldn't complain. Must always be happy.".

Then, "You are so tired and broken that you don't want to come to services and see people and be around them."
Immediately after,she said " You blame yourself."

God's there my friend. That's what He's saying.. "I'm here." I don't know what you're going through.. or how much you hurt. I don't know if you'll share with me or anyone. but please do share it with the One who wants to share your burdens. Don't make Him feel left out. He wants to help. I don't know how.. but does it matter? Important thing is that He knows how.
Amen.

Friday, 16 January 2004

The Short Entry.
Short one.. cos I haven't blogged in like.. OH MY WORD.. 2 days. Haha.. Aiyah, i blog alot i know.

Anyways, i was reading this article today in daily bread, and this sentence just jumped out. I was like ,"Woah woah.. okay.. i'm holding the book now, no hands to catch you guys, so if you don't mind, can go back into the page?"

Haha, but before they went back in, they sure made an impression, or in imm-pra-see-on, on me. I don't trust in the power of prayer. But i trust in the power and might (think it was might,or was it wisdom?) of my God, and that's why I pray.

Muahahha.. so cool right? Makes me all the more want to see things thru God's eyes. Yah.. end here. Lah lah.. My God is good. Our God is good.
Amen. =)

Wednesday, 14 January 2004

Prayer + Worship = His Glory coming upon us.

Another prayer and worship session. And God totally showed up. Every time we've had it, God really turns up. Thank You Lord.

I really don't know how to start or where to start from. Let's start with.. the worship. One of the best worships i ever had. Guess there was this freedom in the place. Only the liberty God can bring.

Then we go to the prayer. We were called on, to pray.. under the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit. Different ones of us went up. And i heard this from Him.. which was confirmed by alot of things. But i just didn't dare to go touch the mike. Then after that Jidi calls for altar call.. and I'm just worrying about what to do with the word. Worrying if its me or God. Worrying worrying worrying. So after I was prayed for... i ask sis helen for permission. And i say it. While the others are prayed for.

You want change? You've got to drop the past behind; lay it at the altar, before the cross, before His feet.

I went back. Feeling more charged up because of it you may think right? Nah... i felt soooooo stupid. I sat at the front row. Then i walked back. and sat behind the chairs, on the floor. And cried.

Anyways.. God did alot more stuff. This is just one small portion of it. After the whole thing, there were a few testimonies. one was from yvonne. She said that what I said, was an answer to what she had been praying about for a few weeks now. And i was shocked. You see how much i doubted God? You see how much I don't recgonise His voice? You see how much i lacked intimacy with Him? I have had alot more of these words and visions i didn't speak forth. What if I hadn't said what God told me today? Yvonne would still be questioning.

One thing God taught me today, was also that.. Its an honnor that He tells us stuff and chooses to use us. If we don't do what He tells us to do.. He can always call someone else to do it. But we miss out on a privillege that the King has given us.

God, please seal the work.

This just in! :( as in, it just happened secs ago.) Well.. God just showed me again that if we chose to place glorifying Him before our prob, He will honnor.

God thank You. I WILL hope in You.. my shield, my strength, my portion, my deliverer, my sheltar, my strong tower, my very present help in time of need.
Amen.

"Then who or what are you hoping in? The one who hopes does so coz he knows it's beyond his control. You can't hope for something and try to work it out for yourself at the same time coz it just doesn't work that way.Hoping puts everything into the hand of the One he's hoping in and trusts Him to do everything. That way there's no worry about screwing up or failing because its got nothing to do with you anymore, and everything to do with God."
-- Someone.

Tuesday, 13 January 2004

In Your presence I am content
In Your presence I am content
In Your presence there is life
Expressions of Your love
Revelations of Your power and might
In Your presence I can bring
A love song offering
In the presence of my King


CAUTION: Do not continue if you haven't watched school of rock and would not like to know some parts of the story. Or else, just read on lah.. =)

I watched School of Rock yesterday. Tell you the truth.. i tink it was pretty sad stuff to me also.. other than funny.

Maybe it was the mood i was in when i watched it. But there was this part, where this boy was lectured by his father, and he didn't say anything about it to anyone in class.. so they went on to have fun, totally forgetting that there was a downcast boy in their midst.

There was another part this girl with an awesome voice didn't want to sing no more, because she felt they would laugh at her for being FAT. No one knew she felt embarressed being fat. They made fun of her.

This chinese boy didn't want to join the band because no one talked to hjm. he thougt he wasn't cool. No one knew he felt that way. They made fun of him.

The principal was initially a jovial, and 'hip' lady. But her responsiblities made her renounce that side of her. And no one knew. No one knew. They made fun of her.

I cried at the show. Stupid? I dunno. I cried throughout many parts of the show. I guess i saw the other side of the movie. So many times in real life that's how we operate. We don't see the hurts people go through. We don't care abit for how they feel. We just go on living our lives, thinking everything is okay.

There are some ppl that, i really want to help.I duno. Its like you know they are hurting, but you can do nothing to help. I cried; silly i know. I'm so insensitive to them. I keep looking inward. Time to look out. Look beyond.

God, give me vision to see the hurting. Give me a pair of listening ears. Give me an encouraging mouth that speaks what You would. Give me hands to be able to hold ppl-- literally and also to be able to lift them up in prayer to You. Give me a heart that feels for the ppl, like You do. Give me a mind that can discern and is wise enough to always lead them back to You. Give me a broad shoulders (naturally if You want, but spiritually and in a manner of speech) , that I may be able to lend others to cry on.

I want to help them God. Help me help. Help me help the way they can accept it and the way You would want me to.
Amen.

Monday, 12 January 2004

Just one glimpse of Your glory
Just one touch of Your hand
And I will never be the same
Cause' God's Spirit is flowing through my veins.

We sing glory to the Father
Glory to the Son
Holy Spirit Fill us up until we are one
Like a fire Burn inside of us
Consuming every pain
As we lift our voice in woship
We will never be the same


This my friends.. is one awesome song. I fell in love with this song when Sharon led it at service. I couldn't rmb hearing this song then.. but at tt point of time i could catch it. Its such a simple song. Melody's simple. Words are simple. I think i can rmb wad Sharon wore tt day. Orange i think. It just stayed in my mind. Not Sharon. DUH. The song.

They sang it last night at power night...... wah..... but i needed to go bathroom... okay okay.. washroom.. not bathroom.. same anyway.....when i came back they were only sang for awhile more before changing.

Just one glimpse.. and Just one touch.. I always thot this was the flaw in the song. I mean.. hello?! One touch will never be enough. One glimpse will never be enough. But then as i sang it in the shower and at home and before net., as i'm trying to fit this song in to worship..(but never able too, that's pretty much besides the point though.), i realised the composer wasn't satisfied. But he was desperate. He was hungering and he was craving and he was longing and he was desiring and he was wanting.... wanting wanting wanting to draw close to the Almighty. So much so that he didn't mind if it was just one time. Because all that matter was at tt point of time-- at that instant, before God.. it would just be ALL about him and God. Nothing and no one else.

Never be the same. It spoke of choice to me.

Often I realised i've met with God, but haven't taken the encounter and using it as a stepping stone to meet again with Him and to do His work. That's why I'm not satisfied. I don't even take the meeting with God-- the glimpse and touch and use it to spur me on. I should be taking the meeting and keep it and use it to say, " God, this is what You have done.I'm thankful.. I'm keeping it.. and I'm going to use it to help me grow. But this encounter shows that You can do much more than just this.. and that's the reason why i want more."

And i will never be the same... I want to catch a glimpse, feel His touch.. and CHOOSE to let it change me. I don't want to be resistant no more. Let us be humble and humbled people before Him, that He can mould us to be ppl that reflect His wisedom and creativity and briliance; just like a master peice reflects how well the artist is at His work.
Amen.

Saturday, 10 January 2004

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before Your throne


There is a longing only You can fill. A raging tempest only You can still.
Nothing else can satisfy me the way He does. Yea.. sure.. other stuff satisfy too, but they don't bring the kind of satisfaction He brings. I've been like a storm this whole day. So many feelings and thoughts. But its time to be still before the King.

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love.


Deeper than I've ever been before. I just want to love You more and more. Man.. this day wasn't easy, and even at times I just felt I didn't love God enough. Wasn't close enough. But I think God's singing this lines back to me. He's saying, "My love is sufficient." People.. His grace is sufficient, His love is sufficient. We have that strength to move on.. when ppl don't understand, when people seem to bluntly say things, His love is sufficient.

Sunrise to Sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied


My heart has found in You, a hope that will abide. Here in Your presence, forever satisfied. The hope in Christ. Have we lost it? Have we grown weary to the point we cannot believe that He is able anymore? The hope He brings... It abides. has abided, is abiding, will continue to abide. Bro stanley preached on being in the house of God. Have we been taking a yea-been-there-done-that, nothing-can-surprise-me attitude? I don't know.

I think i have. Today at morning prayer, lukewarmness popped in my head.God reminded me about lukewarm-ness. The kind of lukewarm-ness that comes out of being in the church all the time till the extent it becomes routine. Not saying we shld spend time NOT being in church. NO. But its really our attitude and heart. God is an exciting God. I don't want to place Him in a box and every service open the lid and say," ALLO ALLO! Yah.. so at the 7th song, and the 3rd line.. You can come out and touch us all.. Yah.. I knew You were planning to do that."..

Heal God heal. Fix God fix. Mend God mend. Speak God speak. God..be God.
Amen.

Friday, 9 January 2004

Not by might Nor by power
But by My Spirit
Says the Lord of hosts

This mountain shall be moved
This mountain shall be moved
This mountain shall be moved
By My Spirit
Says the Lord


Just thought of an oldie. Hmmm.. super headache right now. Pain.
Anyways, last night was a freaky one man. Hahaha.. i had to like msg someone like so late to ask for prayer. And not enough. I woke my mom up to pray with me.

I had a bad dream. It was not really scary.. i mean, I'm the king of dreams-- usually always have dreams when i sleep. So i brushed this dream off. But suddenly fear just gripped me. Goosebumps? Repeated goosebumps.. wah.. Whether or not the dream was a spiritual thing or just tiredness, it was still freaky. Anyways, my mom prayed for me.. I prayed myself. And rebuked and rebuked and just reminded myself of my authority and position in Christ. Then immediately after the prayer, things became alot better.

Hehehe... ok. Well.. God help me.

Why,we ask. Why,we wonder. Why,I ask. Why,I wonder. I know I'm not. But God Knows who and what.
Amen.

Thursday, 8 January 2004

There is no glory in my own wisdom
There is no power in my own strength
There is no might in my own riches
But I will boast in knowing You

For You are high and lifted up
The glory of all nations
You are high and lifted up
The Lord of all the earth
You are high and lifted up
Creator Redeemer
And I will boast in knowing You.


Another oldie.. but pretty nice song. I love it when shirley leads.. but abit don't know how to sing the old songs sometimes. Hahah.. nonetheless, her leading is so fun!!

Stinking blogskin. HAve this funny A letters ard, do you guys see it? Aiyah, change another time, can't fix it lei. Hmm... K ANYWAYS..

Today, hmmm.. tired.Tired.Tired. Hahah.. yah, but i went to evening prayer. Hahah, i wasn't exactly tired during prayer. Thought it was very fun. Okay, haha.. why its fun? It just is loh..

Well.. we went to sunshine place after that.. hahaha.. actually, really nothign to write today. Just, Thank You God for giving me today! Help sch to pass fast tmr. then drag my weekend for long long long!!!

Hehehe.. I'm abit bored. There's no one online to talk to. Hmmm.. I love my God. And my bed. Hahha.. NO MAN CAN SERVE 2 MASTERS.
Well.. today's entry is not a very spiritual entry..but well, God is Good. ALWAYS.
Amen. (see? i still can end with amen..hahah)

Tuesday, 6 January 2004

I re-did my blog! What.. erm.. eeeky colours. Hehe..

Anyways, not that i really care.. may revert to my old one though, used to that.

I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
To find a chance to thank You

I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You Lord
I was made for You.


Nice song huh? We were made for Him. Everypart of our life. Its no longer ours. It's His. So that He may lift us up to be with Him. So we may resonate His glory.

Today as i was coming out of the MRT station, tapping my card, there was an error msg. And that caused a few sec delay to the whole queue of ppl behind me. It was solved very quickly.. But as i was leaving, a thought came to mind.

What if because of my delay, a short few seconds one, the lady behind me missed her bus. Would she blame me for missing her bus? I thot.. and figured, most prob no. She would just think she should have been faster, but wouldn't blame me. But technically speaking, because of me and my card's error, i delayed her and caused her to miss her bus.

She didn't miss her bus.. not that i bothered to check it out. But i was thinking WHAT IF?

That moment, Pam Seaward's sermon made sense. Its the smallest things that hinder. The things that are so small and seemingly insignificant that hinder us. IF tt woman had missed her bus, it would have been because of me. But she wouldn't have thot of that.

Same here.. Are we over-looking small things that we think, "Aiyah, small matter, not a big deal...". One very good eg is the thots that we have.. some negative thots.. we need to rebuke. But are we just letting them, "pass by"? It's not easy to rebuke. Its discipline. I can't do it also.. very very often. But always rmb, don't overlook the small things.

Small things, simple things.. its all about the attitude of our heart. Is it right before the Almighty??

I don't know how direct this entry may sound.. but.. hahaha, seriously, its a menace. The small thorns and weeds that ppl over look. God give us grace and vision. Your vision. Be blessed ppl!!
Amen.

Sunday, 4 January 2004

This I'll testify
Till I see it with my eyes
Your word is true my God
You cannot lie.....

......My faithful God
My faithful God
My faithful God......


Today i did corporate slides!! I'm a corporate loser.. hahah..nah. Anyways,learnt quite abit-- the power of the freeze button! Heheh.. quite badly done lah, i really admit, not trying to gain sympathy. Haha.. but it was fun. My first duty of the year and as a big Gp!!

Anyways, da ge, esther tan and i had to go samuel's bday party. We decided to eat Bk. But something happened on the train. Sighz.. hahha.. must have been such a disappointment to my da ge and er jie. Hahahahahha.. so silly..

Nee-ways.. we went his house, nice. Came back to bb mac's. We were talking about stuff, and we reached the topic of childhood. Somehow, i felt such a tinge of them wanting to go back to old times. I looked back. And i saw God's grace in my life. Some areas where i don't know how i managed to live through.. i did. (that's why i'm here typing now, duh.)

I sort of understand why ppl want to go back to old times. Cause those were times where we like lived so simply. Everything just depend on parents. Everything laid out. But now we can STILL have a more matur-itised version of that. Dependance on God. God said it is easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle than ppl without childlike faith trying to get into heaven.. something like that.

Childlike faith in God.
We had carefree lives then because of tt kind of faith in tmr. That tmr would be a better day and that our parents would be able to solve any problem for us.Naive? That was us.

Now.. we shld have the same kind of faith.. not in 'tmr's.. but in Him. Not SO MUCH in our parents (we trust them still.. but realise they can't repent for us.) But in our HEAVENLY Father. I'm not saying a smooth and trouble-less life will follow.. But.. My hope is in the name of the Lord, where my help comes from, when my strength comes from..

Childlike faith. I want to bless some specific ppl with this entry. God loves you. I love you. Be bold and strong. Be faithful.
Amen.

Saturday, 3 January 2004

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want You to be my One consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You


I want it all to be for Him.......
This is my cry, my one desire, just to be with Him.. hahah.. 2 songs in one entry.. wait till i find that song then i use..

Hmmmm.. how should i put it? My God IS good. Joel got a word.. Jessie wanting to come to morn prayer also.. its how amazing God can use a few ppl who were willing to pray for their friends and change the spiritual atmosphere..and their friends come.. and pray for other friends who come also. Think about how it can affect the unsaved waiting for us..

I got my wallet back.. by the grace of God. Thank You Daddy!! Okay.. lookingback yesterday during net koinonia.. God has really fulfilled some of my 2oo3 resolutions.
I'm glad. I am. I'm amazed. I am. I'm blown away. I am.

Wow.. 2oo3 has been good. But if there's anything I learnt from morn prayer today.. its not to rely on past experiences.. That's the reason we don't move on. Always thinking for God, always expecting Him to move in ways we're familiar with. Move on.. yeah.. those experiences are mind-boggling sure. But he never called us to a monotonous life. He called us to an exciting life.. He is a creative God. Don't limit His creativity.

I'm thankful. Especially for the ppl and wisodm he brought into my life in 2oo3.. So many. Elvin the da ge, esther tan and foong, my chief, onnointed oon...much much more.Some played really really big parts. Some minor parts. but I'm thankful for all. But Now our youth ministry seems to be one. That's His plan for us. To be one effective people.
Amen.

Thursday, 1 January 2004

I can't think of a song.

I will not pretend to feel the pain you're going through
I know I cannot comprehend the hurt you've known
And I used to think it mattered if I understood
But now I just don't know

But I will carry you to Jesus
He is everything you need
I will carry you to Jesus on my knees

And if you need to cry go on and I, I will cry along with you, yeah
I've given you what I have but still I know the best thing I can do
Is just pray for you


I want to carry people to You. Give me big hands Lord.
I want to feel their hurting and carry them to You. Give me a big heart Lord.
I want to forgive. Give me Your heart Lord.
I want to see beyond the worthlessness of this world and to look to you. Give me eyes for only you.
I want to be able to listen to them. Give me big ears and a willing spirit.

I want to be carried by You. I want to be held in Your arms. I want to listen to You. I want to see the things You see. Amen.

Jealousy? Vainity? Pride? These tear down the body of Christ. When you see it.. sometimes it hurts sooooo much.. and sometimes you do it too.. and it hurts more. That's how much God hurts when He sees it. Forgive me Lord and give me the grace.
Amen.